Chapter 5
~ Cameron ~
I step up to the swimmer's block, adjusting my goggles and steadying the hum of nervous energy that has my body feeling like it has been set alight. The crowd simmers down as the swimmers, me included, get into starting positions. It’s our first swim meet of the new season and our biggest rival. Vanderbilt, is amongst the visiting schools.
I take a quick look around, measuring up every rival swimmer. They’re not all that big in size, but some of these guys have reputations for being fast the minute they hit the water. But I’m ready for them. I always am. Coach Baker has had us training like crazy for the last few days in preparation for today's meet and I’ve been spending a few extra hours in the pool whenever I can.
I crouch down and touch the block beneath my feet, focusing on the rhythmic, steady beat of my heart. Everything from here on is automatic, like it is engrained in my DNA. The gunshot, hitting the water, pumping my muscles with every stroke, inhaling once and exhaling twice. It all happens without thought or provocation. And it’s what I live for. The few seconds where my mind and body are one, and I don’t have to think about anything. When I’m in the water no one else exists. Not my mother, not my sister, not my comatose father. No one. Just me.
I near the end of the pool and roll forward, using my legs to kick off again. My arms reach ahead, propelling me further with each stroke until my hand touches the wall. The whistle blows and the crowd cheers in excitement. I can’t hear much though; my pulse is galloping in my ears. I look up at the scoreboard and grin. Of course I won, and I set a new personal record, too. I hop out the pool and Noah is at my side in an instant.
“Nice time, Cam. Think you can make it a second time?”
I smirk. “Hell yeah, I can. I’ll be ready to go again in a few minutes, just in time for our Individual Medley.”
He’s about to say something but stops mid-sentence. I follow his gaze. Hayley is standing close to the edge of the pool, holding a digital camera in her hands and taking action shots. Her hair is tied up, high on her head, and she’s wearing a pair of denim cut-offs with a red University shirt that’s tied in a knot at her waist. Not too far from her is Hannah, Noah’s sister, also holding a camera, except she’s too busy flirting with our competition to take photographs.
“Who the f*ck is that and why haven’t I nailed her yet?” Noah asks next to me.
I look at him and frown. I’m not sure why I glare at him, but I can’t stop myself. Noah can be very crass when it comes to women, but then again so can I.
“That’s Hayley,” I reply.
He looks at me quizzically. “You know her?”
I shrug, looking back at where Hayley is now standing and talking to Zander, an arrogant f*cker from Vanderbilt. “Yeah, I met her like two weeks ago but I haven’t seen her since.” But I’ve been thinking about her.
“And you didn’t think of introducing us?” Noah asks, slapping my arm.
I shake my head, keeping my gaze fixed on Hayley. In hindsight I’m glad I didn’t introduce them, even if I had the chance. Noah can be a real dick and she probably doesn’t want to get mixed up with a guy like him. Or me, for that matter.
“Oh, I get it,” Noah adds. “You want a go with her first.”
I scoff. “She’s too good for the likes of either of us, you douche-canoe. We know better than to get mixed up with girls like that.”
Noah barks out a loud laugh, causing a few people to look at us, and says, “Oh my god, Cam, you want that girl, don’t you? I can see it on your face right now, the way you’re shooting daggers at that f*cktard, Zander.”
“I do not. She’s too nice for me.”
Noah looks at me with a ‘do-I-look-like-a-dumbass’ expression on his face and it quickly turns smug. “Don’t talk shit, Cameron, I’ve known you since we were twelve and discovered what a hard-on is. You can’t lie to me, brother.”
I want to deny it, but the truth is, I’ve had a hard time not thinking about Hayley since I walked away from her those few days ago, when I dropped her off at Campus after giving her a ride. It’s the strangest thing because I don’t believe in ‘getting to know someone’ and ‘seeing where it goes’. That shit is best left in books and movies because, hell, if I’m a f*cking knight in shining armor. I’m just another twenty one year old guy that thinks with his dick first, and his brain later. Rachel is an easy lay, and a convenience f*ck, but I’m bored. I need a new challenge and I may have just found it.
“Ah, f*ck,” Noah mutters, throwing his arms up in defeat. “I know that look, man.”
I grin wickedly and make my way towards Hayley. The last race for the afternoon is in thirty minutes, but all I need is ten.
Zander sees me first and his posture straightens in defense immediately. I hate him and he knows it. He’s such a p-ssy, especially when he’s always a stroke or two behind me in the pool. Hayley’s head turns in my direction and she blasts me with her gorgeous smile.
“Oh, hi Cameron,” she says. “I didn’t know you were on the swim team.”
Our eyes meet briefly before hers slip down the length of my body, stopping to admire my ink. The half-naked angel that curls around my shoulder and down my biceps to my elbow seems to have intrigued her, as her eyes linger there the longest.
“Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I’m a serial killer and Captain of the swim team. How rude of me.”
She giggles, and as if remembering we’re not completely alone, her head tilts up to Zander. He’s glowering at me. “Zander, this is -”
“I know who he is,” Zander snaps.
“I don’t know how,” I reply smugly. “You’re more familiar with the sight of my ass than you are with my face.”
Hayley starts laughing beside me, cupping her mouth and failing miserably to stifle the noise, and Zander snarls. His eyes dart between Hayley and I, and then stop on her. “It was nice chatting to you, Hayley,” he says stiffly. “Maybe we can grab coffee some time when I’m in town for the next meet.”
“It was nice meeting you, Zander, and good luck,” she replies sweetly.
“Yes, Zander, good luck,” I chime in, mimicking Hayley’s sing-song voice but sounding more like a strangled squirrel instead.
Zander huffs and stalks off.
p-ssy.
Everything about that guy sets me off, and in the worst way possible.
I turn back to Hayley and she's looking at me, biting her lip to hide her smile. "What?" I ask, shrugging.
She shakes her head. "Why do I get the feeling that was a pissing contest?"
Smirking, I reply, "He's no competition."
Hayley's about to reply, but she stops herself. Her cheeks turn a shade of red and I immediately want to know what she was about to say. The fact that she's checking me out isn't helping. I know she can see how tight my jammer is, the way it hugs my crotch and my thighs. They don't consist of much fabric, but they're streamlined and help improve my speed in the water. I'm suddenly glad they don't leave much to the imagination.
"So, what are you doing here?" I ask, saving her from her own embarrassing thoughts.
She hesitates, as if to remember why she's here. "Oh, uh, Hannah and I got an assignment for our photojournalism class. She decided we’d take some action shots of the swim team, but it was really just an excuse to see the hot guys in their wet swimming gear."
"And have you seen any hot guys yet?" I ask innocently.
"No," she replies, "The 'talent' is somewhat average. I'm rather disappointed."
My face falls and when Hayley sees my expression she bursts out laughing. "Oh, wow," she breathes, "You're too easy."
I wrap my hand around her biceps and pull her two steps closer to me. "I'll have to change your mind then, won't I?"
She sucks in a breath. "About what?" Her voice comes in a breathy whisper.
"I'm anything but average, sweetheart," I say, looking into her shocking green eyes. They have flecks of honey here and there, and are the most brilliant shade of green.
As if sensing the moment between Hayley and I, Hannah comes bounding up to us. "Hey Cam," she says happily. Her eyes land on Hayley and then shoot back to me. "I didn't know you two knew each other."
Hayley steps back, loosening my grip on her arm, and her gaze moves to Hannah. "We don't," she says, her voice impassive. "We met two weeks ago when Cameron gave me a ride, after my car broke down."
"Oh," Hannah says. "Well we better get going. I think we have enough pictures for the assignment."
Hayley nods and gives me a half-smile. "Bye, Cameron. Good luck with the rest of your races."
"Thanks," I reply.
She turns and starts walking towards the exit, disappearing amongst the spectators and swimmers. Hannah taps my arm and I look back at her.
"What was up with that? I seriously hope you haven't got your eye on her." She sounds just like Noah.
"And what if I do?" I ask.
"Cam," she whines, her eyes doing the puppy dog thing. Too bad it only works on Noah. "I really like her, and the last friend I had who you screwed stopped being my friend."
"Hannah, will you chill? I just want to get to know her."
Hannah's arms fold over her chest. "What about Rachel?" she asks.
"What about her? She's not my girlfriend, Han, and she sure as hell doesn't control or own me."
"Does she know that?"
Lifting a shoulder, I shrug. "I don't give a f*ck."
"Well, just don't do anything stupid, like, f*ck her and then leave her. Like I said, I like her, and would like to keep her 'round longer than the last girl."
Just then, Noah comes running towards us. "C'mon, Cam, we gotta go."
I nod, smiling at Hannah. She rolls her eyes but smiles back at me. "Okay, boys, go kick some ass and I'll see you boys at the party tonight."
Noah swats her with his towel and she scowls at him, walking away from us. "Bring Hayley!" I yell to her. She flips me off and I chuckle. Noah gives me a look but I disregard it and make my way back to the starting line. Excitement slowly starts coursing through my veins, but for an entirely different reason.
** ** **
The guys burst through the front door of Noah and Hannah’s parents’ house, carrying me on their shoulders after our victorious afternoon at the swim meet. Naturally, I’d like to take all the credit, but admittedly, I have a great team of guys who swim just as hard as they party. And tonight, we’re celebrating, both our win and the start of a new season. The grand sized house is already brimming with people and it’s not even 7 pm yet. The guys put me on my feet and they follow me to the kitchen, people congratulating us as we pass. Noah grabs us glasses, instead of those shitty plastic cups, and pours us each a shot of his father’s whiskey.
“Cheers!” he says, knocking our glasses in salute. We tip the glasses back and down the auburn liquid, which burns my throat.
“Let’s get this party started!” Someone yells from behind us. That’s all the invitation the guys need and soon they’ve joined the crowd inside the living room. My eyes roam the area, searching for a dark head of hair, when Rachel appears in my line of vision. She’s sauntering towards me, her denim mini skirt riding up her fake-tanned legs. Her grin is sultry and as she comes to stand in front of me her hands trail up my arms and down my chest. Her fingers brush against my groin. She means business, that much is obvious.
“Hey baby,” she purrs in my ear. “I missed you this week.”
“Uh, yeah,“ I hesitate, trying to come up with a good excuse for why I’ve been avoiding her. “I’ve been busy, assignments and shit.” The truth is I’m starting to get irritated with this girl. She wants something I’m not prepared to give and, well, let’s face it, I’ve been banging her every which way for over a year. I’m bored. I need a new body to play with, one with dark, rich brown hair and piercing green eyes.
Rachel pouts and she reminds me of a constipated duck. “Too busy for me?” she whines, batting her too long eyelashes. Her hand keeps rubbing my groin and my dick hardens, even if it is involuntary. Poor guy’s probably getting tired of seeing the inside of my palm. I look Rachel up and down, contemplating taking her upstairs and releasing my pent up frustration. Nah. I sigh. I need more alcohol for that.
I step out of Rachel’s grasp. “I’m going to grab a drink and hang with the guys,” I say. “Come find me later.”
Her arms cross over her chest and she huffs, but it doesn’t stop me from walking out on her. If I need her later she’ll still be there. I’m willing to bet my left nut sack on that. Pity, really. Rachel deserves so much more, but she behaves like a whore, so I treat her like one. If that makes me an a*shole, then so be it. I’m an a*shole, with needs that need satisfying. Green eyes flash in my mind and a twinge of guilt hits me. Hayley would be more than a quick f*ck, I think, but do I want that? F*ck me if I know. Right now, the thrill of chasing her and getting her is enough to make me want to try anyway. I shake my head, laughing sadistically at myself. I’m a walking contradiction. I use Rachel to satisfy my needs, but then contemplate some kind of more with Hayley, like actually getting to know her? When I know that she’d be the first girl I attempt ‘getting to know’? Talk about f*cked in the head.
After I’ve downed my third cup of warm beer, I find the guys playing beer pong out on the deck and decide to join the fun. A few hours, and a whole lot more alcohol, my head is swimming. A chorus of “Hey Hannah!” resounds from all around the table and I turn to see Hannah walk outside. I frown.
Hayley isn’t here and I feel my excitement from earlier dissolve quickly. Hannah catches my expression before I’m able to right myself and shrugs. She mouths “She had other plans,” and starts talking to Noah and the guys.
Well that f*cking sucks, I think to myself. My whole evening has gone down the shitter.
Oh well, I’ll just keep drinking until I pass out.
I push past the crowd inside the house and grab the whiskey bottle we left in the kitchen. For a brief second I think about my mother, alone at home now that my sister and her husband are back and Jordan is no longer staying with us.
I don’t want to go to that house. I just need to forget, if only for tonight, that I f*cked up our happy family.
As if on cue, Rachel finds me again and this time I don’t stop her. I grab her by her neck and pull her to me roughly, slamming my lips onto hers. I break the kiss long enough to take another big swig of whiskey and drag Rachel up the stairs to a guest bedroom. She strips me of my clothes, and then does a little floor routine for me. The only problem is, my mind is completely numb, and so is my body. My dick doesn’t stir. F*ck. It just sits there, flaccid, against my thigh. Staring at me. Mocking me. That’s never happened.
What is up with that?
I fall onto the bed and throw my arm over my eyes in defeat. Rachel crawls over me and starts rubbing my dick. Nothing. Not even a twitch.
“What the f*ck, Cam?” Rachel bites out. “If you weren’t getting hard for me you could’ve said so before I stripped for you.”
I lift my arm, spying her straddling my thighs and looking down at my dick angrily. That’s all it takes for me to crack. I burst out laughing, my body shaking until I feel hot liquid spilling from my eyes.
“F*ck you, Cam,” Rachel snaps, grabbing her clothes and getting dressed. “I don’t need this. We’re done!”
Her statement only makes me laugh harder, for whatever reason, and only when I hear the door slam shut, do I notice that my laughter is the empty kind.
Because that’s how I feel.
Empty.