19
NOVEM
Calla
I wake with a start.
My dreams were strange tonight.
Dare was in them, of course, but instead of the sweet images I usually dream, this one was more of a nightmare. He was telling me something terrible, something that I couldn’t quite hear, but my heart could feel. It was something dark. I could see his lips move, but no sound came out. Until he told me that he’d go away, if I wanted him to.
And that was it.
I’m awake now in a cold sweat because dream or not, I don’t want him to go away.
I apparently have a very real fear of loss now.
I toss and turn, trying to get back to sleep, but since Finn is in my bed and my thoughts are troubled, I’m not successful.
So I pad downstairs, and out the door to the side porch. I curl up in a chair and stare down the mountainside, at the rustling trees and the black skyline.
The air is fresh and clean, and borderline chilly. I shiver in the breeze, and as I do, I glance at the Carriage House.
A light shines in there, through the window, warm and soft.
Dare’s up. It’s the middle of the night, and he’s up.
Without even thinking about it, I get up and walk in that direction. I find myself standing next to his front windows, staring in, oblivious to the fact that I’m only dressed in a nightgown.
He’s sitting at the desk in the living room, staring in apt concentration at a paper in front of him. He bends over it, working diligently, and I’m left to wonder what he’s working so hard at.
The light inside is warm and beckoning, but of course, I can’t knock. It’s three a.m. So I watch from the shadows for a bit longer, and just when I’m ready to turn around and head home, Dare stands up and walks into the kitchen.
Curiosity is killing me, so I dart around the edge of the house to the windows on the other side of his living room. From this angle, I’ll have a good view of his desk. Peering in, I gasp.
When I first saw Dare, I’d been right. He is something artistic. He’s an artist.
And he’s working on an amazingly beautiful drawing of me.
My breath is suspended as I peer closer, and leaning my forehead against the glass, I study the picture.
His skill is amazing. And the way he’s drawing me is exhilarating.
In the picture, I’m walking away from him, and I’m completely naked except for a pair of high heels.
Breathless, I study the drawing… enchanted with the way he imagines me to be. I’m slender and pale, but pale in a beautiful way, an ethereal way. My hair is long and lush, my muscles curvy and perfect. Through his eyes, I’m feminine and delicate and perfect.
I scan the entire drawing as my cheeks grow hot with the sheer thought that he imagines me like this… that he imagines me naked.
And then my heart stutters and pauses in my chest as I see something.
A birthmark on my side.
The size of a quarter, it’s the color of coffee with cream.
Startled, my fingers subconsciously flutter to my side, to feel the place where the very real, very intimate birthmark lingers on my skin.
How did Dare know?
There’s no possible way he could’ve ever seen that birthmark, unless he’s somehow seen me shower or changing clothes.
He must be watching me.
What the hell?
I’m churning this through my mind with such intensity, that I forget to step away from the window, and Dare scares the shit out of me when he appears directly in front of me, his surprised face in front of my own.
I yank backward and so does he, then he narrows his eyes as he stares out into the dark.
At me.
I back away and then take off down the path toward my house, because of a hundred things. Because I’m embarrassed that he caught me spying on him, because I’m nervous and confused about his picture, and because in spite of everything, I’m flattered and excited that he was drawing me at all.
I haven’t gotten twenty yards, though, before Dare is tugging on my elbow.
“Calla, what are you doing out so late?”
His dark brow is furrowed as he stares into my face.
I stop and stare upward, into his dark eyes and without bidding, the image of the beautiful portrait he’d drawn with his own hands pops into my head. It was so lovingly rendered, so perfectly drawn.
“You were drawing me,” I say simply, my hands dropping to my sides. I don’t know how I feel, other than confused.
He actually seems flustered.
“Yeah. I…it’s a hobby.”
“You’re really good,” I tell him. “So good that you were able to draw a birthmark you’ve never seen before.”
Long pause.
Finally, Dare sighs. “What do you mean by that?”
I sigh back. “The birthmark on my side. You’ve never seen it, so how did you draw it? Have you been watching me? If so, why?”
Another long pause.
“Uh, I’m not stalking around spying on you, if that’s what you’re implying,” Dare finally answers. “I sit outside sometimes, and you go outside a lot. When you came back from sailing the other day, you weren’t wearing a cover up. I noticed it then.”
Oh. Obviously.
“I’m an idiot,” I breathe. “I’m sorry.”
He shakes his head. “No worries. I can see where you might jump to that conclusion.”
Yeah, because I’m wacko.
He glances at me again. “I should be apologizing to you. For drawing you in such an… intimate way. I’m sorry. I hope I haven’t made you feel uncomfortable.”
If by uncomfortable, he means incredibly flattered, then yes. He has.
“It’s okay,” I tell him quickly. “You made me look beautiful. Who could be mad about that?”
“You are beautiful,” he says evenly, his eyes flickering with a million different things. The air is charged, thick with something exciting, and I long to reach up on my tiptoes and kiss him.
“You never said what you’re doing out so late,” Dare reminds me, interrupting my tempting thoughts.
I look around, hunting for a feasible answer, but the quiet forest doesn’t give me a thing. “I just couldn’t sleep. I saw your light….”
“I couldn’t sleep either,” Dare confides. “I draw when that happens.”
“You draw me,” I say slowly. “Why me?”
Of all people in the world, why me?
He grins, a slow, sultry grin that seriously curls my toes.
“I don’t only draw you, Calla-Lily. I draw everything that I find interesting.”
He finds me interesting. My heart hammers, and I forget that a few minutes ago, I thought he might be a stalker.
“You do?”
He nods. “I do.”
I’m shivering now from the night breeze and Dare notices.
“You should run up to bed, Calla,” he suggests. “It’s cold out here.”
I nod wordlessly. “Ok. Good night, Dare.”
“Good night.”
I scamper up the walk, and the entire way, Dare watches me go. I feel it. But when I turn around at the top of my porch steps, he’s gone.
I feel buoyed and amazing and wonderful, until I get back to my bed and remember that Finn’s in it. Next to the bed, my flowers have been smashed, by Finn, presumably.
All of my amazing feelings plummet as I realize that I can’t feel wonderful about Dare. I can’t feel wonderful about anything, as long as there is something so seriously wrong with my brother.
I fall asleep with dark clouds hanging around me, consuming my joy.