Between the 1970s and the mid-1990s, Polaroids and low-cost video cameras allowed people to produce sexual content on their own and keep it private, but sometimes a kid would open up a box labeled “DON’T OPEN” and get scarred for life.
Digital media, the Internet, and—most important—the rise of smartphones, changed all that. Today almost everybody has a remarkably high-quality camera and video recorder within arm’s reach at every waking moment. In addition to having a high-tech way to capture the imagery, you also have a seemingly private place to store the images for yourself and your partner, but, like the box that says “DON’T OPEN,” sometimes it falls into the wrong hands.
The key difference, though, is the ease of use and distribution. In the past, we can safely assume, most men weren’t mailing Polaroids of their penises to girls they met at bars. It would have been creepy and also a bit of a hassle. However, when a high-res camera is literally a few inches from your penis at all times—and you can instantly share the glorious photo—it’s a game changer.
We don’t have any numbers on the rates at which sexual images were shared prior to the smartphone era, but the numbers now are staggering. Sexting, especially among young people, isn’t quite yet the norm, but it’s quickly getting there.
Here are some of the best stats on sexting that we could find:
? Half of eighteen- to twenty-four-year-olds have received sexts.
? One third of older teens have sent a sext.
? Sexting is increasing among all age groups—except fifty-five and older.
? You’re more likely to sext if you own a smartphone.
? People who own iPhones are twice as likely to sext as people who use Androids.
? The most popular time to sext is Tuesday between 10:00 A.M. and noon. Yes, we looked this up twice. Strange!
? People who are married or in committed relationships are just as likely to have sent sexts as their unattached peers.1
Why do people sext? The main reasons we discovered are to share intimacy with a partner, to build sexual attraction, to appease a partner, and, in some cases, to maintain intimacy over long distances.
The technology journalist Jenna Wortham did a piece on sexting where the subjects each forwarded Wortham a sext they’d sent and then let her interview them about it. “What I discovered,” Wortham wrote, “is that sexting—like anything else done on our phones—was mostly just meant to be fun, for fun, grown folks doing what grown folks do.”2
People she interviewed had all kinds of good reasons for sexting, and their comments, seen together, actually make it seem like a healthy and compelling way to sustain a modern erotic relationship.
One twenty-seven-year-old editor sexted her hookup because it gave her a feeling of power. “It’s kind of a control thing,” she explained. “I wanted to make him want me.” D, a thirty-year-old artist, said she sexted with her fiancé to spice things up.
“We have already seen each other’s bodies a lot, and we will be seeing them a whole lot more,” she said. “So sometimes eroticism can come from what is unseen, or presenting something in a different way.”
M, a brand marketer, sent her boyfriend a picture of her breasts to help him cope with a case of nerves before a presentation at work.
This is my favorite. I just love the idea of the guy opening up his phone, seeing the boobs, and thinking, “Ahhhh. Okay, you got this, Phil! Let’s nail this PowerPoint presentation.”
On our subreddit one woman gave a whole slew of reasons for why she’d sent sexts in the past: “Because it feels good to know someone wants you from far away. because it’s something to think about. because it boosts confidence. because i’d never done it before. because i liked them. because i’d just broken up with someone . . .”
? ? ?
For some the privacy and distance provided by the phone world allowed them to be more honest about their sexuality. “I started because I’m a very sexual person and sexting was an easier way for me to discuss intimate things with my partners,” said one female user on our subreddit. “I found it hard to ask for what I wanted or needed in the bedroom in person so this way was easier for me to discuss my needs and fantasies. Now it’s become something I enjoy, like a form of foreplay. I like to send something sexy to my mate before we’re going to see each other.” Another woman wrote: “A guy I hooked up with a few years ago used to ask me for pics all the time. Finally, because I felt like I might lose him (. . . it was not a healthy hook-up relationship), I got into it. I LOVED it. I just felt super sexy taking them, and I still feel good looking at them now. Plus, one day, my boobs will be down around my waist and it will be nice to remember.”
Many of our subreddit users said sexting provided a forum to maintain intimacy over long distances.