For those men in Tokyo who aren’t into Soapland and brothels, there are sex shops everywhere, and they cater to every fetish imaginable, from French maids to girls in school uniforms to anime characters.
There’s also a booming market in sex toys, which are sold with no stigma attached. One of the most popular recent inventions is the Tenga. What’s a Tenga? If you go on the company’s website, you’ll see what might be the greatest slogan of any corporation ever: “The future of masturbation . . . is NOW.”
The company specializes in masturbation devices like the egg, a single-use silicone egg that men fill with lubricant and masturbate inside. When you’re done, you seal it up and throw it away.
Fun fact: One of the directors of the Tenga Corporation, Masanobu Sato, holds the world record for the longest time spent masturbating: nine hours and fifty-eight minutes. That means he could have watched all three Lord of the Rings films in a row while masturbating, and as the credits of The Return of the King finished rolling, he’d still have had forty-one minutes of masturbating to do.
This also made me realize: The only thing sadder than holding the record for longest masturbation is realizing you lost it to someone else.
“Sorry, man, he just jerked off for a few minutes longer. Better luck next year.”
None of the news articles that described the lack of interest in sex in Japan really delved into this whole world of strange sexual alternatives, and when you learn about it, it does kind of explain the alleged “lack of interest” in sex. The herbivore sector is interested in sexual pleasure but just not interested in achieving it through traditional routes. In their eyes, it seems, if you’re so mortified at the thought of rejection by a woman, why not just jerk off in an egg and call it a day?
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At this point you are probably wondering: What was my top meal in Tokyo? Well, it’s tough to say. I really enjoyed Sushisho Masa, a high-end sushi restaurant. However, I also really enjoyed the tasty tempura I had from the working-class vendors in Tsukiji Market. And of course there was the ramen.
To be honest, the food scene in Tokyo was way easier to understand than the singles scene. It’s hard to figure out why sex and relationships have changed so dramatically, so quickly, and why so many people have turned inward—staying home alone, playing video games, or hanging out in cat cafés—rather than reaching out for one another.
On my last night in Tokyo, I decided to keep an open mind and buy a Tenga. Every stage of it was a bummer. I went into a convenience store and had to say, “Do you guys have Tengas?” The lady gave me a sad look and pointed me in the right direction. As I paid, I smiled and said, “Research for a book project!” It didn’t seem to convince her that I was cool. Instead, she’s probably convinced I’m doing some very bizarre book called Masturbating Across the Globe: One Man’s Journey to Find Himself.
When I got back to my hotel room, I opened the thing up and gave it a go. I was kind of excited to see if it really was masturbation taken to the next level. Masturbation at the current level feels pretty good, so maybe this wouldn’t be bad? Again, no. The experience of using an egg-shaped masturbation device was both odd and uncomfortable. The thing you put your thing into was cold and weird. It felt like I was masturbating with a thick, cold condom on, and I didn’t understand the appeal.
But in a symbolic sense the Tenga seemed to be an alternative to casual dating and sex. It was a way to avoid putting yourself out there and having an actual experience with another person. Say what you will about casual sex and the substance and quality of that experience, but the more casual encounters I had in my own periods of singledom helped me grow as a person and brought me to a place to be ready to have a serious relationship. It also made me realize the true value of that sort of connection and better understand the advantages and disadvantages of a serious relationship. Dating has its downsides, but it can be a lot of fun. Even when it isn’t, when you’re meeting other people there are always experiences that you remember and learn from.
No matter what happens, you get a lot more out of it than you do from blowing your load into a cold silicone egg.
BUENOS AIRES:
THE LAND OF CHONGOS AND HISTéRICO