She brought her arms up and let them drop. "When is there a 'right time' to tell someone you shattered their heart with a cruel lie?" she asked.
"You wouldn't leave, Tenleigh. You were going to give up that scholarship and stay. I couldn't let you do that. I couldn't."
"There were other ways."
"Maybe. I couldn't think of any at the time. I couldn’t think of any way to guarantee you'd leave and never look back."
She snorted. "Well, you accomplished that, that's for sure." She looked away and then back to me. "Why couldn't you have come with me? Did you even want to? I mean, at the time . . . did you want me at all?" She looked like she was close to crying. I moved closer to her.
"I just couldn't. I wanted to, God I wanted to, but I couldn't."
"Why?" Her voice sounded breathy and filled with sadness.
I moved closer to her, right into her space, just as I had done the very first time I'd kissed her, the very first time I'd tasted that lush mouth of hers. "Because I wanted more for you," I said, hoping she wouldn't ask me any more. I wouldn't give her more than that. The rest was mine. And it only ever would be. Her shoulders drooped, but she didn't look away.
For several beats, there was only silence between us.
I glanced up at the shelf that used to house all the books we'd read together, leaving small love notes in them for each other. That's what they'd been, in my mind at least. "Right here is where I fell in love with you." I paused and her eyes widened. "I tried to figure it out, after you left. Where was it that I lost my heart? As if the moment . . . the place would matter somehow, would make it easier for me to get hold of, to understand. And I did figure it out—it was here. Right here." Love mixed with pain rose in my throat and my voice lowered to a raspy whisper. "I fell so damn hard, Tenleigh. Standing right at this bookshelf. I gave you my heart and you weren't even in the room." I threaded my fingers into the hair at the base of her skull. She closed her eyes for a second, letting out a breathy sigh. "I've messed up so badly, hurt you so much, but—I never did take my heart back. And, God." I shook my head slowly, moving even closer, pressing my body to hers. She blinked up at me, her lips parting. "Someday I hope you might want it again."
Her eyes moved over my face, large and full of some emotion I couldn't name. "Tell me what you're thinking, please," I begged her.
Her lips parted, but no words came out. She cleared her throat, but when she spoke, her voice still came out in a whisper. "I was thinking the same thing as the first time we stood here just like this. I was thinking, 'God, I hope this boy kisses me right now.'"
My heart skipped a beat and my stomach tightened, my body blazing to life with the immeasurable heat and passion I felt for her. I leaned in and took her mouth, parting her lips with my tongue. When I slid inside the warm wetness of her mouth, a primal groan came up my throat and I pressed her back harder into the bookshelf. She tasted like coffee and chocolate and Tenleigh. A small breathy moan came up her throat and it enflamed me, my erection throbbing against her stomach.
I took my mouth from hers and trailed my lips down her throat as she leaned her head back. I licked the fluttering pulse at the base of her neck and then just rested my lips there.
"You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone forever . . . I have loved none but you," I whispered against her skin, quoting the words I knew she'd remember.
Her body stilled, but her pulse quickened. I breathed in her scent.
Christ.
I took a second to try to reel myself in. Except for the kiss the night before, it'd been almost four years since I'd touched a woman, since I'd touched Tenleigh. My body was bound to react this way each time I was near her.
"Tenleigh," I murmured against her neck.
She threaded her fingers through my hair and pulled my head back until she was looking into my eyes again. "What are we doing, Ky? What am I doing?" she asked almost as if to herself.
"I don't know. I hope . . . I hope we're working toward something? There's so much . . . . I'll take whatever you have to give me, Tenleigh. Anything."
Her eyes moved over my face, an expression of sadness on hers. "I . . . I just, I don't know. I don't know if I can."
I rested my forehead against hers and we just breathed for a minute. "Is it because of Jamie?" I had to know. I had to know if he was even part of the reason she was unsure about giving us another shot.
"What about Jamie?"
I blew out a breath and stood straight up. "Isn't he your boyfriend? Aren't you seeing him?"
Her brow furrowed for a second and then she laughed. "No. Jamie's gay, Ky."
I frowned. "He is? Oh."
"Yeah. He is."
Well, okay then. This was promising news.
"So I guess you're not seeing him."
"Um, no. Last time I checked, I was a woman."
I chuckled softly. "Yes, you're definitely a woman."
Her smile was filled with genuine amusement. My heart flipped over in my chest. I loved that smile. I'd missed that smile. I'd yearned for that smile.
"And you're so beautiful," I whispered.
The look on my face must have been filled with the longing I felt because her eyes widened and the smile slipped from her face. She leaned forward and I met her halfway. This time, our kisses went wild, and the noise in my head became static.
Tenleigh leaned back against the shelf behind her and brought one leg up and around my hip, fitting my erection between her legs. I let out a deep groan, pressing myself into her softness. God, she felt so good. My heart was pounding in my chest.
Suddenly, we were all hands and gasping breaths and grinding bodies, frenzied, needy, out of control.
I palmed her breast over her shirt and used my thumb to circle her nipple and she cried out, reaching down and unzipping my jeans. When she wrapped her hand around my bare shaft, I sucked in a breath and pressed into her hand. "Tenleigh, fuck, oh God," I groaned out.
Her eyes were wide, filled with lust, her lips parted. I paused to suck in a quick breath at the beauty of her face in that moment.
She kicked off her shoes and unzipped her jeans, urgently pushing them and her underwear down her hips so she could step out of them quickly. She wrapped her arms around me, bringing her leg up again. We kissed deeply, desperately. My mouth moved up her neck, her jaw, sucking and nipping at her lips right before I lined myself up and surged inside her. Our mouths broke apart, our eyes meeting as she gasped loudly. I clenched mine closed at the tight, blissful grip of her surrounding me. I was inside Tenleigh. Joy expanded in my chest as I started moving. She moaned again and leaned her head back against the shelves behind her and panted out, "Yes, yes, yes." I tried to go slow. It'd been so long. I reached between her legs and stroked her, my mouth against her throat as she moaned.