Then Josh says with a smile in his voice, “I’m glad you’re okay. But where in the heck does the puke come in?”
I let out my breath in a laugh, “Let’s just say it was my form of a sucker punch.”
I don’t know how I can tell, but I know that on the other end of the line Josh is grinning. “The universe has a way of giving us exactly what we need.”
I chuckle and then look both ways before hurrying across the street. That’s one of Ian’s most famous sayings. So much so that even Josh knows it.
I’m halfway to my apartment, passing one of my favorite bagel shops. Somedays I stop and grab a cinnamon and raisin bagel slathered with butter, but today, I just want to get back to my place and wait for the phone call that’ll be coming anytime.
And wouldn’t it be wonderful if Josh were there too?
“So anyway, the reason I’m calling is because I’m playing hooky again.”
“Oh yeah?” he asks, and his voice has gone all low and warm. I blush when I realize that he must be thinking of the reason for the last time I played hooky.
“Right. Yeah. So, I was wondering if you wanted to come down?”
“Really?” he asks, and he sounds surprised.
My cheeks feel hot.
“Well, I mean, I’m going to find out the pregnancy results today and I thought…I thought…” Suddenly, stupidly, I’m nervous. I swallow the lump in my throat. “I thought it’d be nice if you were here too.”
My chest feels tight as I wait for him to respond. I’m not sure why, but it’s hard to take a breath, and when I do, the icy air pinches my lungs. Finally, I decide that I’m an idiot, and I shouldn’t have asked, because this whole thing has been for me, not Josh, he’s just tagged along because he’s a friend, a nice guy, a— “I’ll be there in a couple hours.”
I let out a whoosh of air and it fogs in front of me in a haze of relief.
Four hours later I open the door for Josh.
I spent the entire time he was on the train pacing around my apartment checking my phone for missed calls from Dr. Ingraham’s office and scrolling through my symptoms list.
Pregnant or not pregnant.
Pregnant or not pregnant.
Josh looks at me expectantly. His hair is mussed as if he ran his hands through it for the entire train ride. He’s wearing a well-worn leather jacket, a t-shirt and jeans and he has a bag with him that is usually full of his drawing pads and pencils. When I buzzed him in I heard him take the stairs two at a time. Looking at his face, the question in his eyes, I’m so, so glad that he’s here.
I wave him in and then point at my phone. I’m on the line with the nurse. She phoned right when Josh arrived.
I nod and let her finish her instructions. My heart gallops around my chest like a wild horse trying to kick down a fence. Josh closes the door behind him, pulls off his coat, and then watches me with quiet intensity.
I don’t remember him ever looking at me like this before. Like I’m the only thing in the whole world worthy of his complete and utter focus. I try to take in the nurse’s instructions, try to hear everything she’s telling me, but my mind is swirling around and my heart is still trying to jump out of my chest.
Lord.
Good lord.
My eyes are drawn to Josh’s. I hold onto his gaze and for the first time in my life I don’t think I could look away from him, not even if I wanted to. Because he’s not smiling, not laughing, not amused, he’s…he’s…
I don’t know what. But whatever it is, it makes my heart race harder and my body feel tingly and uncomfortable.
There’s an intensity to him that I’ve never seen before, but that I suspect has been there all along.
Maybe I never noticed it, or maybe he’s never shown it before. I don’t know.
The nurse wraps up her instructions and I manage to say, “Thank you. Okay. Yes. Bye.”
I hang up and slowly put down my phone.
Josh watches me, he doesn’t say anything, I think he’s waiting for me to speak. I lick my lips and his eyes finally leave mine to latch onto the tip of my tongue circling over my mouth.
My stomach does a flip and I let out a shaky breath.
Josh’s eyes grow darker and I notice that his hands are clenched and he’s holding himself still. His eyes move over my face, carefully taking in my expression, and then he gives a slight frown and his shoulders fall.
“You’ll try again?” he asks.
I shake my head no.
“No?”
“No.”
Then I can’t take it anymore. I launch myself at him, and thank goodness he’s quick because he catches me in his arms. But I’ve knocked him off balance and he thuds against the thick wood door. I wrap my legs around his hips and my arms around his neck and I hug him to me.
“I am,” I laugh, “I am. I am. I am. We did it. We did it. She stuck.” Then I’m laughing and hugging him and saying over and over, “We did it, we did it.”
For a second, he stands stone still, then I think he takes in what I’m saying because he pulls me closer and then he’s spinning me around and the world is spinning in a happy, beautiful blur.
We did it.
The biggest, happiest smile I’ve ever had travels all the way from my heart to my lips. I bury my face against Josh’s shoulder and breath in the familiar smell of him and feel the rumble of his laugh.
Finally, he stops spinning me around and he comes to a stop.
He looks down at me and smiles.
My heart turns over in my chest. I’m slightly dizzy as I focus on him. My face is inches from his, so close that I can see his pupils dilating and feel his breath fall on my skin. My legs are wrapped around his hips and my arms cling to his shoulders. Suddenly, I’m aware of the heat of his hands gripping the space where my thighs and backside meet. I’m aware of my inner thighs wrapped around his middle. I’m aware of my sensitive breasts pressed against his chest. And I’m very, very aware of my lips only a breath away from his.
My body grows heavy and I sink further into him. My lips feel full and tingly. I lick them and move a little closer to him. Josh’s breath hitches as he stares down at my mouth. There’s nothing I want more than for him to span those few millimeters and press his lips to mine.