“I don’t think…not now, anyway…but thank you.”
Every time she passed the lab down the hall she looked in and saw the fat white rabbits in their cages. She could have a urine test to see if she was pregnant but she didn’t want to be responsible for killing a rabbit, and the rabbit died whether or not you were pregnant. A lot of people thought it only died if you were pregnant. Ha! How did they think the technicians checked the rabbit’s ovaries? No, she couldn’t do that. Besides, she couldn’t just walk in with a cup of urine and ask for the test. They knew her family from the luncheonette downstairs. They knew she worked for Dr. O. She would have to wait a few more weeks, wait for her period to come. She wasn’t nauseous, though she was sometimes dizzy. She didn’t crave certain foods—in fact she had very little appetite. And she didn’t think her breasts were swelling, though Jack did.
She would not have sex with Jack, no matter how many times he said, “But, honey, if you’re already pregnant it doesn’t matter.”
“And if I’m not?”
“Either way, I’ll be more careful. I’ll use a rubber until we know for sure.”
“I can’t, Jack. Please don’t push me.”
He was frustrated but not angry. He taught her how to give him a hand job. At first she didn’t think she could touch it. But now she was more comfortable. Now she thought of it as a friend. She liked the way it responded to her touch. Jack put her hand on his balls. “Feel how tight they get,” he whispered. “That’s because it feels so good.”
Then he’d spurt, not on her if she was lucky.
At first she wouldn’t let him touch her that way. “Are you sure I can’t get pregnant? That is, if I’m not already pregnant?”
“Don’t worry.”
But worry was her new middle name.
When she let herself go, when she let him touch her there, she enjoyed it. She cried out when she got that good feeling. Why, oh, why hadn’t they done it this way in the first place? Then they wouldn’t be in this predicament. Now she was six weeks late. She wasn’t ready to be a wife and she certainly wasn’t ready to be a mother. There was talk of a doctor in south Jersey who could take care of it but it cost a lot of money and she wasn’t sure it was safe.
One night when Jack met her after work he said, “How about a quick trip to Elkton?”
“You mean elope?” Debbie Reynolds had eloped to Elkton. And Willie Mays, too. Everyone knew about Elkton. They called it Marry-Land instead of Maryland. Usually it was a joke but Jack didn’t sound like he was joking. Was he proposing to her?
“I’ve got it all figured out,” he said. “We drive down early Saturday morning. Leave by six a.m. We get hitched, then drive back.”
“You mean get married?” Christina had trouble getting out the words. Wasn’t this moment supposed to be romantic?
“I can’t stand seeing you so unhappy.”
“I’m not unhappy. I’m worried.”
“That’s what I mean.”
“I don’t know, Jack.”
“We love each other, don’t we?”
“Yes.”
“We want to spend the rest of our lives together, don’t we?”
“Yes.”
“Then let’s do it. No one has to know. It’ll be our secret.”
“But if I’m pregnant I’ll have to tell my family. There’s no way to keep that a secret. And when they find out they’re going to kill me. Or you. Or both of us.”
“No, they won’t.”
She looked at him. Did he really think this could be solved so easily?
“We’ll tell them it’s because I’ve been called up.”
She burst into tears. She’d prayed Korea would be over before Jack’s number came up, even though she knew very well he was 1-A. Jack tried to comfort her but nothing worked.
“I haven’t been called up yet,” he whispered. “I was just saying it’s what you could tell your family.”
“You’re saying I should lie to my parents?”
He didn’t answer, which made her burst into tears again. Her life was turning into such a mess.
—
SHE HAD TO make up an excuse for not working on Saturday morning and felt guilty for lying to Daisy, telling her she was going down the shore for a family reunion. But Daisy said she’d cover for her. She told Christina to have a good day, told her she deserved a good day.
They set out on Saturday morning in Jack’s truck, only to find out, when they reached Elkton, there was now a forty-eight-hour waiting period. Christina begged the clerk to make an exception. “Please,” she cried, “you don’t understand…”