I Shall Be Near to You: A Novel

Jeremiah says, ‘My soul ain’t the only thing thanking the Lord I already found a wife of noble character, and I didn’t even spend a single ruby neither.’

 

 

I blush at Jeremiah talking bawdy like that about me, about things we’ve done. I ain’t ever heard joking like that from him before. Sully laughs and winks at me, making my face go so hot I’ve got to turn away, especially thinking how noble is the last word Jeremiah might call me if he knew the secret I ain’t found a way to tell him yet.

 

‘It isn’t right, blaming God for your sins,’ Will says, like he can’t see how Sully’s already made up his mind.

 

‘I don’t blame God so much as the Union Army,’ Jeremiah says, so quiet I almost don’t hear it.

 

‘I ain’t saying my sinning is God’s fault,’ Sully says. ‘What I’m saying is I ain’t willing to risk dying and never tasting horizontal refreshments, pardon my frankness. Not if God is going to let so many good boys die out there. Now, I’ve got some idea Captain ain’t going to turn down a request or two for passes to the Capital, so you want to join me for a night on the town, Will? Or you going to stay here and deny how hungry you are?’

 

‘I’m all full up,’ I say.

 

Sully snorts and then Jeremiah and he both get to laughing for the first time since we marched on the Warrenton Turnpike.

 

Finally Jeremiah stops and then he looks at me and says, ‘I ain’t hungry neither.’

 

That almost sets them off again, but then Sully’s face goes sullen.

 

‘You mean, there ain’t no one to come with me?’ He says it like the idea is a toy that just broke and lost all its sheen.

 

Hiram walks over from where he’s been sitting and slaps Sully’s back, holding up what he’s been carving, a coarse white ring.

 

‘You know what this is?’ he asks.

 

All of us stare at him, at that thick circle of some boy’s backbone resting on his palm. There’s worse things than the pulling inside Jeremiah’s been doing.

 

‘It’s a little something I found at Bull Run,’ he says. ‘I’m sending this ring to a gal I like to play stink-finger with sometimes, to keep her thinking about my finer qualities. But have I ever got a treat for you! I’ll show you a good fucking establishment or two.’

 

All I can think is how if Henry hadn’t left and Jimmy weren’t gone, Sully wouldn’t have to go anywhere with the likes of Hiram. But Sully steps off with Hiram, something like a smile pasted to his face, a hollow laugh coming out of him when Hiram says, ‘You and me can give those old whores fits!’

 

 

WE HAVE ALMOST given Sully up for the night when the sound of a fiddle comes reeling through the tents.

 

‘You think that’s them?’ Will asks.

 

‘Even if it ain’t, it’s worth taking a look-see,’ Jeremiah says, and with that the three of us are up and moving toward the sound.

 

There is already a crowd when we get to the parade ground. In the center is a woman, her foot resting on a stump, her red dress hoisted up to show her whole calf, an upturned kepi in her hand. Behind her another woman dances with Edward, while Sergeant Fitzpatrick plays the fiddle.

 

Sully sits on the ground, three jugs at his feet, a tin cup in his hand, a silly grin on his face.

 

‘We brought you fellas a dance!’ Hiram shouts, and points at Sully. ‘The whiskey is thanks to all the poker we’ve been winning, but if you want to dance with a real lady you’d better bring some greenbacks of your own!’

 

That sends some of the boys running back for their tents, whooping and shouting like they’ve never seen a battlefield.

 

‘I like the view I’m getting for free just fine,’ Ambrose says, and makes his way over to the line starting up by Sully. Me and Jeremiah and Will stay put. I don’t know where to look, at those ladies doing things that don’t belong in public, or at the boys making fools of themselves over it. Still, it ain’t long before Jeremiah’s foot gets to tapping. Some of the younger ones, like Josiah Price and Levi Blalock, get to hopping around Edward, who is still dancing with that woman of low virtue.

 

‘Let’s dance, Rosetta,’ Jeremiah whispers, his breath hot in my ear.

 

‘We can’t!’

 

‘I don’t see why not. There ain’t enough women to go around, and with those two ladies, you and me ain’t going to attract no notice. I for one am not letting this chance go to waste,’ he says, and tugs on my arm.

 

As we push past the crowd around Sully, he yells, ‘Come on, Chaplain! When are you ever going to live a little?’

 

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