Gabriel gets up and I turn to look at him. He leans against the wall, staring out the window. The sky is dark, overcast. The room is glowing faintly green from Van’s nightsmoke.
He turns to look at me, then back out the window. His movements are stiff, jerky, as if he was going to say something but changed his mind.
“Are you angry?” I ask.
He doesn’t answer straightaway but then says, “A bit. Possibly a lot.”
“With me?”
“Who else.”
“Why?”
“I don’t want to die, Nathan. I don’t want to die saving a girl I despise. A girl I don’t trust. A girl who I think has betrayed you and will betray you again. And being selfish for a while”—he turns to look at me—“I don’t think you’re even vaguely interested in what I want, are you?”
I try to think of things to say, how much I like him, how I appreciate him, how I know he’s helped me. Crap words but maybe better than nothing. I start to say, “Gabriel, you’re my friend. You’re special. I couldn’t—”
He interrupts me, loud now. “Do you know how special I am? Do you even care? You’re so caught up in your own dramas that you don’t see anything around you.”
“Gabriel—”
“The first person I killed,” he interrupts again, “I shot in the head. Point-blank range. She was kneeling at my feet; I’d tied her hands, her ankles. She was crying. Begging. Begging me to let her live. I shot her in the head, standing facing her, barrel of the gun to her forehead. She was looking up at me. I lowered the gun, pointed, pushed the gun against her skin, and pulled the trigger. To make sure, I shot her again through the side of the head, as her body lay on the ground. To make really sure, I pushed her body onto its back and shot her again in the heart.”
“You’re trying to shock me.” I get up and go to him but I’m thrown for a second by how he looks.
He looks harrowed.
“Who was it?” I ask.
“A girl. Someone who betrayed my sister to White Witches. Her name was Caitlin. She was a Half Blood my sister trusted, whom I trusted. And you might say at this point, ‘Oh, so Gabriel makes mistakes; he trusted someone who betrayed him—he’s not perfect at judging people.’ And you know what I say to that? I say, ‘You’re right. Of course you’re right.’ People are hard to read and you know what’s really tricky about them? They change, Nathan. They change. My sister trusted Caitlin and she was right to because Caitlin was good and kind and nice and she was trying to help. She was on our side, at the start. But you know what? They made her betray us. They do that; they turn people.”
“That doesn’t mean it’s happened with Annalise.”
“No, it doesn’t. And I may be wrong, Nathan. She may not have betrayed you. But, when I see Annalise, something about her reminds me of Caitlin.”
“Gabriel—”
“To be fair, I realize Caitlin didn’t have much choice, but she did have a choice. She was half White Witch and if she didn’t do what they wanted then they’d have made her life hell. But because of her they caught my sister. My sister loved a White Witch. Caitlin carried messages between them. But then my sister went to see him, went onto White Witch territory. She was always impulsive, full of life and excitement. They caught her. She was seventeen. The boy was too. He was imprisoned for a month and released. My sister was hanged. I don’t know what they did to her before they killed her. What do you think they’d do, Nathan?”
I don’t reply. I know he doesn’t want an answer.
“I still hate Caitlin. For weeks after I shot her, I wished I could do it again, so I could do it slower, cause her more pain and fear, make her suffer like my sister suffered.”
I go to him. Hold him. It’s the first time I’ve done this—gone to him.
I think he might break, might cry. But he pushes me away and stares at my face. “I think of my sister a lot, how much she suffered, what they would have done to her. I love you more than my sister, Nathan. I never thought that would be possible but it’s true. And I think you’re right. I think we do have a chance of beating Mercury, and I even think the Alliance has a chance. But more than that I think you’ll be killed, Nathan, and I think you will die a bad death, a painful, long, slow death. And I’m helpless to stop it because you can’t see that Annalise is wrong for you. You refuse to see it. So all I can promise is that I’ll try to help you and if I fail, if you die, I’ll cause whoever did it more pain than I gave Caitlin.”
He walks out.
So that was positive.
We Make Our Plan
“No. No. No.” Nesbitt is back and not being positive. “Look, I told you. There’ll be a protection spell.”
It’s the next morning and we’re sitting round the kitchen table, forming our plan. We’re trying to work out how to get into the bunker without Mercury knowing.
“What about digging our way in?” Gabriel asks.