Girl, Stop Apologizing: A Shame-Free Plan for Embracing and Achieving Your Goals



The last thing I want us to talk about to set ourselves up for success is the ever-important morning routine. I know we discussed this earlier in the chapter, but it’s such an important part of laying a solid foundation that I’d like us to spend a little more time on this and dig in deeper. It’s hard to believe that having a good morning is such a key factor to setting yourself up for success, but it really is. I don’t think I understood this until I had children. Before I had kids, the morning was my own. I decided when I wanted to wake up. I decided what I wanted to do with that time. I never once opened my eyes and saw a toddler staring at me like a creepy extra from Children of the Corn! But then I had kids, and suddenly someone else was dictating my mornings, which I suppose would be fine if I had been one of those well-organized mothers who manage to make parenting look effortless. But our reality was often messy and chaotic and hard and frustrating. We’d survive (barely), and I would get the kids off to school. But because the morning was chaotic and frustrating, I was starting almost every workday feeling chaotic and frustrated. It was hard to shake.

It wasn’t until I started the practice of waking up an hour before my children that I understood how powerful it is to get ahead of the day. Now, I am intentionally planning my morning routine around the kind of day I want to have, because if you own the morning, then you own the day. If you own the day, then you own the week. It’s the ultimate routine you can set for yourself, and mine is made up of practices I’ve worked and reworked hundreds of times to get to the ultimate start to my days. I’m sharing it with you now to give you a head start on creating one for yourself.

1. I wake up at 5:00 a.m. Our kids typically wake up at 6:45, so I used to get up at 5:45 to give myself an hour of “me time.” But then I realized having only one hour of me time made me feel a little rushed. I really like the ritual of a slow cup of coffee in the morning, and I don’t want to rush through it. So now I wake up at 5:00 a.m. and go turn on the coffeepot (someday I’ll learn how to program that stupid thing). I drink a glass of water while the coffee brews, and then I start working on my current project, whatever that may be. I like working on big projects early in the morning because I’m generally not awake enough to second-guess myself, which means I make a lot more progress.

2. After I finish my morning work, I do a fifteen-minute meditation on gratitude. If you’ve never done meditation before, think of it as guided prayer. And, in my case, I use the time to focus on my blessings so I start my day aware of all the things that I have to be grateful for.

3. Next, I write in my journal. This is a really quick habit of writing down my intentions for the day, a few things I’m grateful for, and an affirmation reminding me who I want to be.

4. Once I have gotten some things accomplished, had my coffee, and mentally prepared myself to be my best, it’s time to wake up the hellions who live down the hall. The next hour of our day is all about the kids. This is when we do breakfast, brush teeth, get dressed for school, make lunches, and get everyone out the door.

5. After the kids are at school, I hurry to get ready for work and always, always, always get ready to upbeat music. I absolutely love music, and I use it constantly to pump me up and get me going. I have an Amazon Echo in my bathroom, so I can voice command it to play anything at any point. I love that I can be in the shower and be like, “Alexa, play ‘Shake It Off’ by Taylor Swift,” and two seconds later I’m jamming out to Tay Tay.

6. Once I’m ready for work, I head back to the kitchen to make my green smoothie. It is not delicious or exciting, but it’s full of a ton of stuff that’s really good for me, it keeps me full for hours, and starting my day in a healthy way sets the tone for the hours that come after.

7. The last thing I do as part of my morning routine is write down my list of ten dreams and the one goal that’s going to get me there fastest. 10, 10, 1, remember? It’s a great way to set my focus before I start on my to-do list, and I love that I have an entire notebook filled with things that remind me who it is I want to be.





BEHAVIOR 6:

STOP ALLOWING THEM TO TALK YOU OUT OF IT

Have you ever experienced a situation where you were motivated and inspired and ready to push forward toward your goal? Maybe you were devoted to your weight-loss journey and were making great strides. Maybe you decided to go back to school. Maybe you were training for that half marathon. Whatever it was, you were on it. And then . . . then someone else got in your way.

This can manifest in a lot of ways for hundreds of reasons, but often it looks something like this: You are doing great on your diet, but then you go to a family gathering and someone in your family (or maybe several someones) gives you grief about it. But it’s a special occasion! But it’s Christmas! But we always have margaritas—what, you’re just not going to drink now? And the thing is, staying on your diet during a family party or a holiday is really, really tough. So, when they give you a hard time (at best) or tease you mercilessly (at worst), you allow the emotions they evoke in you to talk you into breaking your diet.

Or maybe you’re training for your first race or you’ve decided to go back to school to get your master’s degree, and at first the people in your life are supportive. Going back to school is a good thing. Working out and getting in shape are great. Everyone around you agrees. But then you start to schedule time in your calendar to work on these things, and as the race ramps up, you’ve got to spend more and more hours training. Or maybe it’s studying or writing a report for class. The free time you used to have is now devoted to your new goal. And the people in your life feel left out or left behind or, more typically, inconvenienced. These choices you’re making for yourself feel more and more selfish, and someone in your life speaks into that. “You know, it’s really hard to handle the kids all by myself on Thursdays while you’re at class.” Or, “We used to always hang out, and I feel like I never see you anymore!” You were already feeling guilty about your choices and it is getting harder by the day, so you bow to whatever would make everyone else happy. God forbid they might be upset with you! It’s so much better to give up on your thing, your goal, because if anyone else is inconvenienced, then your goal must be wrong.

Can we talk about that for a quick second? Can we talk about someone else being inconvenienced by you pursuing your best self? I want to bring it up because it’s a question I get a lot.

How can I get my mom to be more supportive?

How do I convince my husband to watch the kids so I can work out?

How can I get my boyfriend to eat healthy with me so it’s easier for me to stay on track?

How can I get my dad to support my decision to change majors?

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