Girl, Stop Apologizing: A Shame-Free Plan for Embracing and Achieving Your Goals

I know this is one of those things we hear all the time, and you’re like, “Yeah, I got it.”

I’m here to tell you, no, you don’t got it. You don’t! I’m challenging you right now. If you are uncomfortable, if you are aching, if you are tired, if you are anxious, if you are depressed, if you are suffering in any way, you’re not standing firmly on a strong foundation and letting your vase overflow. You’re not setting yourself up for success. But you can. And here are some tangible steps you can take to do just that.





GET HEALTHY


I can’t think of anything that’s as important to ensure success as feeling great both physically and emotionally. It’s certainly possible to achieve a goal even when you’re not operating at the highest level, but it’s way harder than it needs to be. You can drive with a flat tire, but when the car is fine-tuned and the gas tank is full, you can fly. Over the last decade I’ve worked so hard to get physically and emotionally healthy, and while the road from there to here was filled with personal awareness and hard work (and gobs of therapy), there are a handful of practical things I’ve identified as game changers for health that you, too, can implement. These are the five things I changed in my life over the years that made me feel physically capable of taking on all my big dreams. These are the “Five to Thrive” elements I mentioned earlier.





1. Hydration


Drink half your body weight in ounces of water every single day. Let’s do easy math. Let’s say you weigh a hundred pounds. You’re going to divide that in half—that’s fifty. So you should drink fifty ounces of water every single day to stay hydrated. At this point I always get asked the same question: Doesn’t that mean you have to pee all day? Yes, that’s the point. It flushes all the bad stuff out of your body.

Hydration is important for so many reasons, but it’s especially important for those of you who are struggling with weight loss. Being dehydrated feels a lot like being hungry. Chances are you’re not hungry; you’re thirsty. But your brain doesn’t know the difference, which is why you’re struggling so much with portion control. Try drinking a bottle of water and then seeing if you still need food.

Or, you might be like, “I want this goal. I want this plan. I want to have a better life. I want to get promoted. I want to do this.” But you don’t have the energy, and you keep giving up on your dreams, and nothing seems to be working. You don’t understand why, but you also haven’t had water since last Tuesday—and that was only because some got in your mouth when you were brushing your teeth.

Hydration is one of those foundational elements for success, so whenever someone wants to start a new plan, whatever it may be, I always recommend they begin with this little step. Just drink your water, and once you tackle that and make it a habit, you’ll feel ready to move on to tougher things.





2. Wake Up Earlier


The second thing that you’re going to do as you establish a healthier physical environment is get up an hour earlier and use that time for yourself. I think this is especially powerful for those of you who are moms. I know I shouldn’t make sweeping generalizations about other people’s families, but I’m going to stand firm in this idea.

If your kid wakes you up in the morning, you’re screwed. You are. You’re already behind the eight ball. If the baby is crying or a toddler woke you up asking for Cheerios, you’re starting your day on the defensive instead of on the offensive. That extra hour in the morning before your family gets up is key; it’s everything.

Those of you who say you don’t have any time for yourself, this is the time! If you want to work out, if you want to read a book, if you want to pray, if you want to write your first novel, if you want to have the time to pursue your goals, get up an hour earlier.

Now, inevitably, when I talk about waking up earlier I always get a few notes from women saying something along the lines of, “I have a six-week-old baby and I’m struggling to wake up an hour earlier because I only got two hours of sleep last night.”

What are you talking about right now? What in the holy world?! If you have a baby under nine months of age, this number on the list is not meant for you! Just wait until they’re older and then try. Be gracious with yourself. I love that you’re trying to push yourself into something new, but these are not adjustments you can make if you are currently going through a massive life change. So if you’ve got a new baby, this one is not for you.

Maybe what you’re thinking instead is, I’m a doctor, and I get up at 3:00 a.m. already. Well, gosh, I definitely don’t want you to be up at 2:00 a.m. But maybe for you this step looks like finding some time for yourself later in the day. Come on, friend. We’re just looking to carve out an hour of time somewhere to pursue what’s on your heart. That’s all I want you to do.

If you don’t have an hour to spare, you don’t have a life.

I piss people off when I say that. They’re like, “You don’t know me! You don’t know my schedule!” You’re right. I don’t know you. But what I do know is that if you can’t find a single hour for yourself in a twenty-four-hour period, you need to look at your priorities. You need to ask yourself what you are doing with your time.

3. Give Up One Category of Food for Thirty Days

So, we’re going to drink water, we’re going to get up an hour earlier, and then we’re going to focus on nutrition with this easy elimination. I want you to give up food. One category of crappy food, for thirty days. Have you ever heard that saying that if you can give up something for a month, it becomes a habit? Well, I want you to make a habit of not eating garbage. Garbage in this instance is fast food or processed food or anything Krispy Kreme makes! And the thing is, I don’t even want you to give up everything or figure out a new diet, because that can be overwhelming, particularly if you’re also trying to chase down a goal. I just want you to choose one tiny baby category . . . and then avoid it like a biblical plague.

If you can give something up—like truly give it up, no “cheating”—it becomes a habit. I hate to say the word cheat, but if you break this promise to yourself, it’s done. It won’t stick. For most things in life, if you mess up, I’m likely to simply say, “Get back up, get back up, get back up.” But if you can’t stick on this number, you’ve got to start again at the beginning of your thirty days.

The challenge to you is, Can you keep a promise to yourself for a month? I don’t even care if you replace it with something else. I don’t care if you’re like, “Well, I can’t have Diet Coke, so I’m going to have lemonade—which is full of sugar, but whatever, at least it’s not full of chemicals!” This isn’t about what you’re giving up; this is about proving to yourself that you can keep your word. And proving to your stomach that it can in fact survive without Chick-fil-A sauce for an extended period of time.

4. Move Your Body Every Day!

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