“No.”
Cynthia gave Justin an expectant look. “This is the part where you say, ‘It was worse.’”
He smiled and shook his head. “It wasn’t.”
“What’s the matter with you tonight?” she asked when he said nothing else.
“Cyn, what do you think was ultimately wrong with Mom as a parent?”
Cynthia nearly tripped, and he caught hold of her arm. “Are you seriously asking me that?”
“I don’t mean the obvious stuff. I mean, I do, but…I don’t know. There’s something more basic to her personality, something I’m trying to figure out, that had such an impact on the way she raised us.”
“There’s nothing secret or mystical about it, Justin. She’s an addict. Addicts have a dependence on certain substances and behaviors that become more important than everything else—even people. Even their children.”
“Have you been taking psych classes?”
“Every day of my life,” she retorted.
He stared ahead, barely seeing the crowds and endlessly flashing advertisements. “You know, when they came to offer me admission to the Hart School, they gave Mom a chance for you too.”
“Yes,” said Cynthia quietly. “I found out about that later.”
It was something they rarely spoke about but that always lay between them. Justin had been “discovered” one day in the Anchorage Summer Market by a woman who taught at a private school on the other side of the city, in a much more affluent neighborhood. She’d been dazzled by his and Cynthia’s guessing-game performance and questioned them extensively about it. He’d realized immediately that her interest was legitimate and had eagerly explained the way he watched people, turning on all the charisma he’d already learned at eleven. Cynthia, younger and warier, had thought they were going to get into trouble and had been reluctant to speak.
Although both siblings had impressed the woman, her power to get a charity scholarship could only initially extend to one student, and she’d chosen Justin. That switch had changed his life. Being put among students from affluent and well-educated tiers of society had propelled Justin toward one himself, opening doors he never could have had in his old life. His benefactor had later found a workaround way to get Cynthia in, but it required more government hoops than their mother was willing to jump through. Cynthia had been left behind.
“Why wouldn’t she do it?” Justin asked Cynthia. “She loved us. In her way. All she would’ve had to do was fill out some paperwork and get a job—any job, even a part-time one—and they would’ve processed you through too. She could’ve even managed a subsidy to move across town!”
“It was too risky,” Cynthia said. “She would’ve lost her rations and federal allowance.”
“But she’s a gambler. And between the subsidy and job, she would’ve ended up making more. She could’ve gotten high more often. She should’ve liked that.”
“Too risky. Her life wasn’t ideal, but it was comfortable and familiar. If she’d gone to all that trouble to get me transferred too, and something went wrong—like I hated the school or she lost her job—it would’ve been a bitch to go through all the social-aid procedure again.”
“Yeah, but shouldn’t it have been worth the risk that you might achieve greatness?”
“I’ll ignore the subtext there—that I obviously haven’t achieved greatness. But the point remains: Even though she liked to gamble, there were some risks Mom wouldn’t take, not when her comfort was on the line. She went with the sure thing.” Cynthia eyed him carefully. “Why do I have a feeling this isn’t really about Mom?”
“It’s about Tessa,” he said in a rare moment of transparency. “I’m trying to make a decision that’ll affect her future.”
It took Cynthia several moments to process that, and when she did, her face was full of incredulity. “Why did you even use the word ‘trying’? There’s nothing to decide. Just do what’s best for her.”
“Doing it involves a risk,” he said.
“Then you’d better decide how important her ‘greatness’ is to you.”
Justin pondered her words over dinner and said little to the others. When they got back home later, he went straight to his office and finally sent one of the reports off to Cornelia. As he did, he noticed he had an unread message from Lucian.
Justin,