“I failed at a lot of things, Maj. I should never have allowed your father the liberties I did. When he confronted me about your conception, I panicked. I never would’ve let him have the influence he did if I’d known it would ruin you.”
“His influence was the only thing that saved me!” Hearing her father belittled hurt Mae as much as the slight against the military. As she spoke, her childhood flashed through her mind—and more important, the way it had differed from Cyrus and Claudia’s. Always, always, their mother had controlled every aspect of Mae’s siblings’ lives. But not Mae’s. Her mother had glared and grumbled, but she’d stepped aside as Mae’s father encouraged her in canne and let her skip so many of the grueling teas and etiquette lessons customary in the Nordic upper classes. It wasn’t until her father’s death that her mother had finally taken over with a vengeance.
“Was that the deal you made with him?” Mae asked. “He kept quiet about what you’d done, so long as he could raise me? Was that why I didn’t have to join that deranged cult?”
Mae’s mother closed her eyes, finally letting pain show in her face. She took a deep breath and opened her eyes. “You didn’t have to join because whenever I brought you to them, you made a scene. After a while, they asked me to stop and simply instruct you at home, through lessons and occasional visits from their priests. You didn’t react well to that either. You woke the whole household with your screaming.”
Mae reeled. All the nightmares that had tormented her before she joined the pr?torians were the result of this unholy deal, her subconscious way of coping with something so twisted. “Dad stopped it, didn’t he? The home instruction, the visits. He couldn’t stand to see me go through that torment.”
Her mother scowled. “I couldn’t stand it. I’m not as heartless as you think I am, Maj, but it was a little too late. You slept somewhat better, but those nightmares never entirely went away.”
“Because she never went away,” Mae murmured, unable to believe how casually she was discussing the Morrigan. “You promised me to her, and she wouldn’t let me go.”
“There are a lot of rumors going around,” her mother said lightly. “Rumors that aren’t in the news. I heard the Morrigan’s temple was dismantled, and that pr?torians and SCI were involved. Seems like her power might not be what it used to be.” Her mother’s eyes narrowed. “How are your dreams now?”
“I don’t dream. I don’t sleep.” Mae fell silent for a few moments. “How do you sleep knowing you put my life at risk? They must have told you the consequences if I didn’t follow their path.”
“I figured it was a problem we’d deal with later.” So typical. “Besides, you seem alive and well to me.”
What Mae felt was numbed. “How could you so casually sign on with a death cult, Mother? And which did you—do you—believe: that they used illicit technology or that they used unholy powers to create me?”
Her mother shrugged. “It made no difference. I’d heard about their results, and after your disappointing siblings, I had to do something. Desperate times call for desperate actions, but our last, best hope ended up being a bad investment.”
Mae had always resented the thought of being a commodity, but there was something even worse about being an investment. “I’m your daughter,” she said simply.
“And you’re a bad one of those too.” Her mother glanced at her ego and sighed impatiently. “I’m meeting Dorothy Olsen for mimosas. If you have nothing else to complain about, then I’ll be on my way, and you can return to playing soldier or whatever it is you like to do.”
“I serve the most powerful force in the country, Mother.”
“Do you, Maj?” Her mother’s smile managed to be both condescending and wistful at the same time. “The next time you look at that ‘perfect’ face or do some incredible physical feat, ask yourself where the real power is these days.”
CHAPTER 36
THE OTHER PATTERN
Justin wrote out two versions of his official report on the events at the Morrigan’s temple. He knew both Mae and Leo would back up whichever version got sent. The decision now rested on him, and he put it off for as long as possible, which was easy to do since SCI left him hanging for almost a week after the raid. Finally, a passive-aggressive message came in from Cornelia, telling him she wanted a meeting and that it would be “useful” to have the report beforehand, so that she knew what the meeting was actually about.