“Why do you have a hospital room in your home?” I asked and turned to my dad.
“It’s hard to make time to go in for all my checkups,” my dad said. “With work and everything.”
I wondered if the Caldwells had a hospital room in their mansion. I hadn’t come across it while I was there. I stared at one of the machines as I lay down. It didn’t look like any that had been in my mom’s hospital room.
My dad sat down in the chair beside the bed and grabbed my hand. “I know you said you didn’t want me in here with you,” my dad said. “But I’m going to stay for as long as I can. I don’t want you to do this alone. Is that okay with you?”
He was being extra nice today. He knew I was feeling down. I squeezed his hand. “Yeah, you can stay.”
“I can’t thank you enough for doing this,” my dad said.
“It’s no problem.”
He lifted my hand and kissed it. “Really, princess.” Tears were welling in the corners of his eyes.
I wasn’t sure why he was so emotional about this. It was just birth control. Ow. I looked over to see Dr. Wilson injecting something into my arm. He’d already given me shots when we’d first met. Did I really need any more? I bit the inside of my lip. I needed a distraction. “What are all those machines?” I asked.
My dad gave me a strange look. “They’re for my dialysis. I need it three times a week. It was getting exhausting going to the hospital so frequently. So Dr. Wilson helped set all this up.”
Wait, what? “Dialysis?” I tried to sit up, but my body felt all weird and tingly. “What’s dialysis for?” I’d heard about it before, but I couldn’t place it.
My dad shook his head like he was confused by my question. “My kidney failure.”
“Your kidneys are failing?” I was pretty sure he needed those. No. No, no, no. It was suddenly hard to breathe. It felt like the room was closing in on me. He’s dying. No, he can’t be dying. He can’t leave me too.
“You know that, princess. It was in the agreement you signed.”
“What?” My thoughts were starting to blur together.
“In section 72 B. Where you agreed to give me your kidney.”
No. No, I didn’t agree to that. I tried to say the words out loud but they didn’t come out for some reason. This wasn’t happening. I didn’t want this. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. “Dad,” I was finally able to gasp.
“I’m right here.” My dad reached forward as my mind got even fuzzier. He ran his fingers through my hair like my mom always used to. I closed my eyes and imagined it was her.
“Thank you,” my dad whispered. “Thank you for this.”
I was pretty sure I was sobbing, but I couldn’t feel my tears on my cheeks. Everyone hated me. And my dad just wanted me for my kidney. I’d trusted him. I’d fucking trusted him. But he didn’t love me. He’d never wanted me.
God, how could I ever think otherwise? He’d popped up out of the blue and forced me to live with him not because I was his daughter, but because I was a fucking match for his failing kidneys? All the blood work. All the being overly worried about my health. All the safety precautions. Him swearing he wouldn’t let Isabella ever hurt me? I thought he was being a good dad. I thought he loved me.
I couldn’t feel my tears, but I saw them fall from my chin and onto my shirt. I remembered Miller being surprised I’d signed the contract. I remembered how excited my dad was when I’d finally given him the signed papers. I was his angel? Fuck that. And fuck him. I was just an organ donor.
My dad never wanted me. I’d known that. I’d known it and I still let him in. Of course he didn’t love me. Of course he didn’t want me. No one wanted me. No one.
I couldn’t breathe. All I could think about was how much everything hurt. My heart ached.
My mom had been right. My uncle had been right. Mrs. Alcaraz had been right. Even the Caldwells had been right. My father was a monster.
And maybe I deserved this. Because Matt thought I was a monster too. I was toxic. I was a disease. I’d made so many mistakes. I’d betrayed Kennedy’s trust by telling Felix about Cupcake. And I’d betrayed Matt by doing the prank and talking to the Hunters. I’d even betrayed the Hunters by completely throwing them under the bus for the whole prank. I wanted to think that everyone would eventually be able to forgive me.
I’d called Matt a hypocrite. But I guess that was me. Because I’d never be able to forgive Cupcake for what he did to Kennedy. Or how he and Isabella set up Felix. It seemed like everyone in my life betrayed everyone else. But this? My dad betraying me in this way? I’d never forgive him. Never. He was supposed to love me unconditionally. He was supposed to be my dad. I just needed one person to believe in me. To want me. To love me.
My dad’s face blurred in front of me. I’d thought he loved me. I’d thought Matt loved me too. Why did no one ever love me?
I pictured my mom singing to me as we danced in the kitchen. It was like I could actually hear her voice. And then the image in my mind morphed and I was holding her cold hand in her hospital bed. Watching the life drain from her face.
She was the only person that ever loved me for me. The only person that saw the good in me. The only person worth fighting for. And she was already gone.
For one last second, I felt her fingers in my hair. And her song in my ear. My heart felt like it was breaking in two. But I knew that wasn’t true. Because it was already shattered.
Chapter 39
Friday
Matt
I looked down at all my missed calls and texts from Brooklyn. She probably had an equal number of them on her phone now because she’d ignored all my calls and texts this afternoon.
I was pissed off last night. Fuming. Not just because I’d seen a side to Brooklyn I’d never seen before. But because she’d lied. She’d looked at me and lied to my face while she was out sneaking around with James and Rob behind my back.