I heard the gasps around us.
Part of me wanted to open my mouth to James. How could Matt walk in here with James’ girlfriend on his arm? How could Matt pretend he was still interested in me, making me promise him a dance? How could he be so cruel? I didn’t even recognize this version of him.
James’ hand tightened on my waist.
But I recognized this feeling. The want. It’s how Matt used to kiss me. And I knew I’d kind of dated Felix. And I was kind of seeing Miller too. But I never did any of it to intentionally hurt Matt. I did it because all he ever did was hurt me.
Maybe James was right. Maybe revenge would make us both feel better. After all, he was an expert in this area, not me. But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t kiss him back. It felt wrong. This wasn’t me.
James moved his free hand to the back of my head, locking me in place.
“Kiss me back, Brooklyn,” he whispered against my lips. “Hurt him back. Let him know how much it fucking hurts.”
It was wrong. All of it was wrong. It was like I was literally staring sin in the face. And hatred. And sadness. James was in pain. I knew it, because I felt it too. I was freaking drowning in it.
“Please,” he whispered. “Do it for me.”
I put my hand on his chest like I was going to shove him away. But instead my hand froze there. When I first saw James, all I could see was the sadness behind his eyes. I wasn’t attracted to him because we were both drowning. But maybe he understood me better than anyone else here.
James looked down at my hand and then back at my face. It was like the permission he needed. This time when he lowered his mouth back to mine, I parted my lips for him. I let him use me just this once. Because Matt fucking deserved it. He was a terrible friend. It was as if Matt’s favorite pastime was ripping out people’s hearts and stomping on them for fun. And I was so tired of all the games. I was just so freaking tired. So for just a second, I wasn’t drowning alone. I was drowning with the saddest boy at Empire High. And maybe doing this favor for him would make him feel better. Even it was for just a few seconds.
“What the fuck, James?” Matt was pulling James off of me. He shoved James hard in the chest and James’ crown toppled off his head.
“What?” James said with a smile. “I thought you liked to share.”
Matt took a swing but James ducked.
I realized that maybe James was sober for the first time in weeks because he had been hoping for this fight. Planning it. Using me. I’d already known it, but I still felt cheap.
“Enjoying my sloppy seconds?” James asked. “You can keep Rachel. I’m pretty sure I like Brooklyn better anyway. Finders keepers, if you know what I mean.”
“James, stop,” Rachel said. “Please just talk to me for five seconds so I can explain. You owe me at least that.”
“I don’t owe you anything,” James said. “Besides, I’m busy. I was just about to take Brooklyn to my suite. Right, babe?” he said to me with a wink. “She promised I could be her first.”
God. It was the absolute worst thing he could possibly say. Not just because it was horribly embarrassing. And untrue. But because Matt was convinced that he’d be all my firsts. My whole body felt hot as everyone’s eyes turned to me. Couldn’t James see that he was making everything a thousand times worse? I shouldn’t have listened to him. Revenge didn’t make anything better. And I didn’t realize that James had a death wish.
This time Matt’s fist collided hard with the side of James’ jaw.
It was like James wanted to be hit. Like he was craving the taste of blood. Because all he did was laugh and wipe the blood off his mouth with the back of his hand. “That’s all you got, Caldwell?” he asked. “You hit like a little bitch.”
Matt took another swing, hitting James’ jaw in the same spot.
James spat blood out on the dance floor and laughed again. “I gave you two shots because you’re two years younger.” He tilted his head to the side and cracked his neck. “But now you fucking die.” He lowered his shoulder and rammed into Matt.
The two of them fell to the floor.
“Stop it!” Rachel screamed. “We didn’t do anything! I didn’t sleep with him! James, I swear I didn’t!”
I heard the sickening crunch of bone on bone.
Rachel started sobbing, but all I could focus on was the fact that James’ hands were wrapped around Matt’s throat. Matt was bigger than James. But apparently James had a lot of pent up rage and a perfect target to unleash it on.
“James!” I grabbed his arm but he didn’t let go. “James!” I yelled louder.
Matt pulled up his knee, slamming it hard into James’ groin.
“Fuck,” James said and toppled over, grabbing his junk.
I moved out of the way just in time so that I didn’t end up falling to the floor too. Everyone around us stepped back, creating a circle around us. It was like they’d created a little fighting ring.
“Someone do something,” I said. There were plenty of guys just watching. Why weren’t they breaking this up? But no one listened to me. Apparently I was back to being invisible at the worst possible time. I looked around to see if I could find Miller in the crowd. Oh God, if he was here then he’d seen the kiss. What the hell had I been thinking? But I shoved the thought aside. Miller could stop this. He’d broken up a fight that Matt was in before. But everyone was towering over us. I couldn’t see a single chaperone.
“Of course you’d take a cheap shot,” James said, pulling my attention back down to them.
“I didn’t sleep with your girlfriend, you idiot.” Matt stood up. “And if you’d get your head out of your ass and listen to me, you’d know the truth. I was trying to fix your relationship, not ruin it. Why don’t you believe me?”