“Because I work for your father.”
“He’s not my father. A father is someone who’s there for you when you fall off your bike and skin your knee. A father is someone who hugs you when you’re crying. A father is someone that didn’t pay off your mother just to get rid of you. He isn’t my father. He’s a monster. No matter how hard he tries, he’ll always be a monster. Because that was how my mother remembered him. And I’ll never dishonor her memory.”
I didn’t even realize that he’d drawn closer to me. He reached out and ran his index finger and thumb down a loose strand of my hair. “It doesn’t matter how you think of him. He’s still going to take care of you. And I’ll never be able to. Not the way he can.”
“Are you talking about money? I don’t care about money…”
“You date guys like Felix Green and Matthew Caldwell.”
“I hate guys like Felix Green and Matthew Caldwell.”
“Hate and love are a fine line, kid.”
I wasn’t a kid. I was barely younger than him. “You were right, I shouldn’t have come down here.” I stepped around him but he moved to block my path.
“What did you want when you came down here?”
“For you to hide my dress.”
“That’s it?”
I shook my head. “I wanted you to make me feel less alone. Like when we ate ice cream together.”
“I’m not a cure for loneliness.”
I took a step toward him. “I know. But you also said a guy who doesn’t stick up for me isn’t someone who’s worth my time. And I have a feeling you’d always stick up for me.”
His eyes dropped to my lips. “I’ll never belong in your world,” he said.
My world? What world? The Pruitt’s? I didn’t belong there. I stared at him. But he was saying that I didn’t belong in his either. But his world was the same as my old one. How could I not belong in my new world or my old one? Where the hell was I supposed to be?
Before I even realized what was happening, his lips were on mine. His words said leave, but his grip on my hips and his tongue in my mouth begged me to stay. And I was more confused than ever as his kiss made my head spin.
He pulled away far too soon, his forehead pressed against mine. “I’ll make you feel less alone whenever you want. I’ll let you see your friends. I’ll stop checking every room you walk into if that’s what you want. I’ll let you eat my ice cream and borrow my phone. I’ll give you the code so you can sneak out whenever you want. But don’t ask me to let you spend the night when I know you’re in love with someone else.”
I wanted to tell him that I wasn’t in love with someone else. That I wanted to stay. But I couldn’t do that. “You could get fired for all those things,” I said, trying to lighten the mood.
“They’re worth it if they make you smile.” He pulled back from me.
“So you’re offering me kisses but not…” my voice trailed off as I looked at his bed “…snuggles.”
He shook his head and laughed. “You’re definitely too young for me.” He walked over to his door and opened it.
“But you want to kiss me again?” I really was being juvenile right now.
He smiled. “I’m finding it hard to say no to you, Brooklyn. Which is why I’m leaving right now. Because I’m finding it increasingly hard to control myself. I’ve clearly lost all reason.” He walked away before I could respond.
I wasn’t sure where he was going. Because I was in his room.
Chapter 21
Saturday
I snuck down to Miller’s room every night after that. Eventually he stopped turning me away. One of the only house rules I knew was that boys weren’t allowed in my room. What would Mr. Pruitt say if he knew I spent every night in Miller’s? Technically it wasn’t breaking the rules. Just the spirit of them. And honestly I didn’t care about Mr. Pruitt’s endless rules. That’s why I’d signed the papers without reading any further. Isabella didn’t follow half the ones I’d read. And I had no intention of following them either. But for some reason, I hadn’t given the signed papers back to Mr. Pruitt. It was almost like if I gave them to him, I’d officially be one of Pruitts. And I didn’t want that at all.
Miller and I both knew he could get in trouble. But I wasn’t sure either of us cared. Sometimes we’d kiss. Mostly we just talked. He was always a complete gentleman. I was pretty sure he viewed my late night knocking as temporary. Even though I viewed it as necessary. I think we were both just lonely in a house that neither of us belonged in.
I opened my eyes and stared at the wall of Miller’s small room. I didn’t want to move. There was nothing more comforting than being wrapped up in someone else’s arms. Miller’s breath was light on the back of my neck, but his arm was heavy around my waist. It was hard to feel alone like that.
But each morning, just like this one, I still woke up feeling lost, if not alone. Nothing made sense anymore. Kennedy was suddenly as scared of the other students at Empire High as I was. We started eating lunch every day in the library instead of the cafeteria, tucked away from prying eyes. But I wasn’t sure anyone was even looking. Cupcake never came close to her, which was good, because I could strangle him for what he’d done to Kennedy. He broke her. And I think not having Kennedy act like Kennedy broke me too.
My phone was still sitting turned off in my drawer. And Matt hadn’t come to school for the rest of the week. I didn’t know if he was okay. I didn’t know if any of his friends were even talking to him. And even though I was mad at him, I was worried too. Because there was one thing I did believe that he’d said. James did seem capable of hurting himself. He’d shown up drunk to school at least twice. His eyes were bloodshot. His tie was always a little askew. He had stubble on his face when he was usually clean shaven. He was a mess. So I watched him whenever I could. Because even though I was still mad at Matt, I didn’t want his fears to become a reality. Besides, if Matt wasn’t at school watching James, who was?