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Chapter
Doubt
When I got back out to the bar, Denny was still chatting with Sam, only now Kate and a couple of the regulars had joined him. They were all laughing as they sat around talking, and I took a moment to just smile and absorb the fact that he was back here. Watching his goofy grin, hearing him laugh, it brought back all the good feelings from when we were together. It made me realize how much I’d missed him this past year. I knew it was going to be hard on me when he left again. And it had been pretty hard the first time.
As Kate squeezed his shoulders and gave him a hug, he looked over to where I was still standing and watching him. His goofy grin changed in-to a warm smile and he nodded a little at me. Face flushing a million degrees, I stopped reminiscing and headed towards the bar to get him a drink.
Rita eyed me speculatively as she poured a beer for him. At just high enough of a level for me to hear, she murmured, “When the cat’s away…”
I rolled my eyes and grit my jaw. Snapping at Rita wouldn’t do any good. She tended to think everyone was hooking up with everyone. She saw sordid behavior in just about anything. She’d even told me once that The Little Mermaid was darn near pornographic. I still have no idea why…
Pretending that I didn’t hear her, and also pretending that I couldn’t clearly see the top of her bra under her deeply cut v-neck, I grabbed Denny’s drink and headed to the band’s table, well, what used to be the band’s table.
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The front doors squeaked open as I passed by and I halfheartedly glanced over. Seeing someone that usually didn’t come into the bar, I stopped. Rachel locked eyes with me immediately. Her tanned skin seemed to glow and her almond eyes sparkled. Lifting a laptop tucked under her arm, her long sheet of dark hair almost obscuring it, her wide smile got even wider. “Oh, hey, Kiera. I’m glad you’re here tonight. I wanted to show you and Jenny something.”
Seeing her roommate enter, Jenny walked over to us, curious. “Did you get it up and running?” she asked, pointing her finger to the machine Rachel was disentangling from her hair.
Nodding, she started walking back to Denny’s table. Natural, I supposed, since her boyfriend generally sat in the same seat that Denny was currently plopped in. Wondering what they were talking about, I watched with bunched brows as Rachel set up the laptop across from Denny.
As Sam and the regulars left Denny and returned to their own even-ings, Denny tilted his head at the newcomer at his table. “Hello,” he said politely, not knowing who Rachel was.
She nervously tucked her hair behind her ears. Barely making eye contact with him, she turned on the computer. “Hi,” she squeaked out.
“Hope you don’t mind if I borrow your table for a second.” Denny laughed at her shyness, glancing up at me with a small, knowing smile, like Rachel reminded him of me. “Not at all.” Lowering my eyes, I flicked my hand between Rachel and Denny.
“Denny, Rachel…Rachel Denny.” They both made brief contact and Rachel nodded her head a little at him. Wanting to laugh that Denny sort of had a point, I added, “Rachel is Jenny’s roommate and Matt’s girlfriend.” Looking back at Denny, I bunched my brows. “Denny’s…my ex.” I shrugged.
Rachel’s eyes flew up to Denny’s. “You’re the ex? The ex?” She immediately flushed and looked down at her computer. Denny flushed as well, looking away. I bit my lip…I guess either Matt or Jenny 294
had filled Rachel in on all the drama that was Kellan and I having an affair behind Denny’s back. Great. I guess I’d have to have the “don’t tell Matt so he doesn’t tell Kellan” speech with her, too.
More because I needed something to do with my hands than anything else, I handed Denny his beer. He immediately took a sip. Because we were supposed to, and, because I felt bad, I gave him an apple lollipop.
He twisted his lips and shook his head, laughing as he took it. I wondered why until I considered what I’d given him…a sucker. And just when he was probably feeling like a giant sucker.
Sighing a little, I considered asking him what he wanted to eat, but Rachel spoke again before I could. Logging onto the internet, she typed in a phrase. “Matt asked me to set this up, so I thought I’d do it while the boys were gone.” She shook her head, her smile returning. “We just went live an hour ago, and people have already sent me stuff to post.” As the page she’d typed in loaded, my jaw dropped open. It was a D-Bag website. I shook my head as she scrolled around through some of the different pages. Everything seemed to be on there—photos of the guys, a playlist of all their songs, their tour schedule, a short biography on each of the members, feedback from the fans.
I frowned when she clicked over Kellan’s bio. At the bottom of his description there was a photo of him on stage…without a shirt. It was an older photo and I couldn’t see any trace of his tattoo, just lean, toned, etched muscle. It was an incredibly hot shot. Whoever had taken it had gotten him running a hand back through his hair as he twisted towards the camera. His head was down, but his eyes were up, looking right at the photographer. With eyes that promised satisfaction, a soft, seductive smile played across his lips. I was fairly certain that the person who’d captured this moment, had gotten a very private performance later.
Wondering if these were Rachel’s personal pictures, I crossed my arms over my chest. “Why’s Kellan the only one half naked?” Glancing over the photos of the other boys, all of them dressed normally, I frowned a little deeper.
Rachel looked back at me, her cheeks flushing. “Matt gave me these pictures. He’s been collecting them from fans over the years.” She 295
pointed at Kellan’s body, then clicked back to the homepage, where I finally noticed that his mostly bare image had also been seamlessly blended into a good chunk of the wallpaper. Shaking her head as she shifted her gaze from the screen back to me, she quietly said, “Matt told me to work with what they’ve got…to play up their best features.” Shrinking away from my gaze, she muttered, “Kellan’s body is…one of their best features, even I’ll admit that.” Sighing, I shook my head and rolled my eyes. Denny stood up and walked over to look at the screen. Chuckling a little, he nodded. “She has a point.” Glancing over at me, he raised an eyebrow. “Marketing-wise, it’s a solid strategy…sex sells.”
Hating that the “sex” being sold revolved around my boyfriend, and sort of hating that my ex was the one defending it, I blurted to Rachel,
“You said people were sending you stuff? What stuff?” Rachel sat up straight and clapped her hands. “Oh, I’m so excited to show you this part.” Giggling, maybe glad that I wasn’t going to go off on her or anything, she headed over to a section entitled “Videos.” I scrunched my face, confused. The band hadn’t made any videos. At least, none that I’d seen.
Running past a few, she settled on a thumbnail of the boys on stage.
As she started playing the video, I laughed a little. It definitely wasn’t a professionally done video, more like something a fan had created on their cell phone. Slightly wobbly and almost overpowered by the sound of screaming nearby, it looked to be taken from a recent show. Rachel confirmed that when she said that the footage was dated a couple of weeks ago.
Jenny giggled and leaned in, her eyes focused on her man in the back banging away on his drums. Rachel sighed happily as she watched Matt stringing through his guitar so fast that you could barely register his fingers moving. And my eyes were glued on Kellan. It seemed a lifetime ago that I’d watched him perform onstage. Truly, it had only been three months, halfway through our allotted separation, but it seemed much, much longer.
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Leaning back on a hip, I sighed again, but contently this time.
Wherever this had been filmed, Kellan commanded the stage with his presence. Just like when he did it here, on our comparatively smaller stage, he seemed completely comfortable, perfectly at home. It was still miraculous to me.
Not thinking about what I was doing, I leaned into Denny’s side. He straightened, and took a half-step away from me. I muttered sorry, but he wasn’t looking at me, his eyes were glued on Kellan too. I had no idea how he felt, watching the man he’d lost me to, thriving in his chosen profession.
Pushing it from my head, I turned back to Kellan strutting across the stage, belting out lyrics as he interacted with the crowd—reaching out for them or playfully holding a hand to his ear. I swear he even winked at a couple of people. I tried to ignore the twinge in my stomach.
When the song ended, I wanted to clap along with the crowd. They’d all done so great, not that I’d really been concerned that they wouldn’t—the guys always did great—but it was nice to see that the constant traveling, and the tiredness that can come with it, hadn’t hampered their talent at all.
Just when I started to ask Rachel how many more videos there were, and if I could borrow her computer over my dinner break, the cell camera focused on Kellan. I stopped talking, staring at the image of him, so close, yet so far away. Smiling to the crowd, he thanked them all, bowed and then blew out a kiss. He twisted to head off the stage and the fan recording the footage followed his progress. Apparently the fan found Kellan the most appealing one to watch.
Just as Kellan started to round a corner that must have led to a behind the scenes area, a woman darted out from around the corner first.
She startled me, showing up on the screen like that, but Kellan didn’t react to her appearance at all. Like he knew she’d be there. He only smiled at her, his grin a breathtaking one. As I felt all of the blood draining from my body, I watched Kellan playfully grab both of her elbows.
Shaking his head, his face still showing nothing but joy, he animatedly said something to her.
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The statuesque woman smiled back at him and nodded, her face equally joyful. She wasn’t what I expected a band-following groupie to look like. She seemed high class, well put together, with dark ebony hair in a loosely held back bun and clothes that screamed money. She had creamy, mocha skin, with perfect bone structure beneath it and lips that were undeniably full and soft. She was…gorgeous. Model gorgeous.
Celebrity gorgeous. Halle Berry gorgeous. Squinting my eyes, I wondered for a second if maybe it was Halle Berry? Wouldn’t that just be my luck? If he’d hooked up with an A-list actress already.
Just as she twisted her face and I saw enough of it to know that it wasn’t the actress, Kellan leaned into her ear. I had no idea if he was leaning in to tell her something, or if he was leaning in to nibble on it.
And I couldn’t tell what happened next, since the video shut off. The screen now back to the tiny thumbnail of the band, I blinked. Did I really just see what I think I saw? I didn’t want to believe it, but it had looked…suspicious. Then there was that odd text over Christmas that he wouldn’t let me read. He’d said it was from Griffin. Was it?
Anger boiling in my stomach, I pointed to the computer. “Could you…play that last part again please?” I asked, my voice short and tight.
Rachel tucked her hair behind her ears repeatedly. “Kiera, I’m sorry.
That one just came in…I was so excited to show you guys, I hadn’t watched it all the way through yet.”
Glaring at her, even though I didn’t mean to, I snapped, “Play it again, Rachel.” Calming myself, since I really didn’t know what I was seeing, I added, “Please.”
I felt Denny put a hand on my shoulder, but I couldn’t look at him. I was sure he wouldn’t gloat, but I wasn’t equally sure that he wasn’t that surprised. Maybe I’d been dreaming about having a monogamous relationship with Kellan. Maybe that just wasn’t possible. Closing my eyes tight, I shook my head. No, I couldn’t leap to conclusions without talking to him. I couldn’t condemn him without letting him fail first. Isn’t that what I’d convinced my dad?
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Feeling another hand touch me, I opened my eyes at Jenny. Biting her lip, she shook her head. “I’m sure there’s a perfectly logical explanation, Kiera. I’m sure that was nothing…really.”
I felt my eyes sting as I nodded at her. Sure, it may have been nothing, we really didn’t know. But it was enough of something for every single one of them to wonder about it. And that made my stomach start to churn.
Jenny went back to work, excitedly telling Kate all about Evan’s performance, while I watched the clip again. Denny stayed by my side, not saying anything, but not making any move to walk away. I shook my head as I watched Kellan lean into the beauty again. Seeing it was riling up my stomach. I really should stop myself. I really shouldn’t watch. But I felt frozen in place, staring at the screen over Rachel’s shoulder.
After playing it again, Rachel tried to move to a different area of the website, maybe to get my mind off it, but I was too deep in my jealous fit to just let it slide off me. I was as patient as I could be, and I’d grown a lot in the last year, but I still had a lot of room for growth. I grabbed the mouse from her and clicked the video again.
Sighing, she stood up, inching her way between Denny and I. “I’ll just…give you a moment,” she murmured, walking away from the table.
Biting my nails as I watched the clip again and again, I wondered what it all meant. He seemed to be very comfortable with a person that I didn’t know. A person that I was sure I’d never heard him mention in all of his phone conversations. Just as I was rewinding the moment where Kellan leans into her for about the twentieth time, the laptop was snapped shut in my face.
Blinking, I looked up at Denny. Still standing behind me, he crossed his arms over his chest. “You’re going to give yourself an ulcer, worrying about something that you have no proof to support.” He raised his eyebrows. “Trust me…I know.”
I flushed and started to look away but Denny quickly added, “And besides, you promised me dinner, and I’m starving.” Peeking up at him, I managed to smile a little. Seeing my mood lift, he shook his head. “Do 299
you think you could get me one of those world-famous burgers that you guys have?”
Biting my lip, I glanced at the closed laptop. I wanted to watch it again, but Denny was right, I had no proof that Kellan was doing anything wrong. I couldn’t do anything but make myself angry as I watched a brief moment that I was probably taking out of context…hopefully. I’d have to wait and ask Kellan later, and I’d have to ask him in a way that didn’t make it obvious that I wasn’t flat-out asking him if he was sleeping with her. I’d have to bring it up subtly…and subtleness wasn’t my strong point.
Letting the video go for now, I stood and placed my hand on his shoulder. “Of course.” I sighed. “I’m sorry it took so long.
Denny glanced down at the computer on the table. “Not a problem, Kiera…I understand,” he whispered.
I’d like to say that I let the video go after that moment. I’d like to say it, but it wouldn’t be true. I snagged the laptop from Rachel, telling her that I’d give it back tomorrow. Denny shook his head at me as he ate his dinner, but he gave me a sympathetic smile too, like he understood. He told me he’d call me tomorrow and see how I was doing. I marveled that he was still my caretaker, even after everything. Even after being physically separated from me for a year. Giving him a swift hug, a hug that made a swirl of whispers flash around the bar, I told him to tell Abby hi for me.
The smile on his face was the largest I’d seen all night and I noticed him pulling his phone out of his pocket as he headed out to the parking lot. I figured he was going to call her right then and there.
After my shift, I went home and watched every clip available on the band’s website. While I enjoyed seeing Kellan in action again, I also saw that woman two more times. From what I could make out by the background, all three videos that had glimpses of her were shot in three different locations, like she really was following them around as they’d headed from town to town.
It burned my blood and I couldn’t sleep that night. I watched the videos over and over, cell phone in hand, barely stopping myself from calling and demanding an answer. My sister plodded into my room near 300