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I stiffened, not really wanting to talk about the constant references that I heard, not wanting to talk about the major differences between Anna and me, differences that had been pointed out to me my entire childhood. Mom squeezed my shoulder when I didn’t answer her. When she repeated her question, I sighed, and muttered, “You know…that Anna’s the beautiful one and I’m…I’m the smart one.” Mom sighed and squeezed me tight. “Oh, Kiera, honey. I hope we never made you feel that way, it was never our intention.” Pulling back, she looked me in the eye. “That’s not what we think. We’re always telling people about both of our beautiful daughters, and they always agree with us. You’re every bit as attractive as your sister, Kiera. I think you’re the only one that doesn’t see it.”
Looking back into the living room, Mom shook her head. “But Anna…relies on her looks. It’s become how she defines herself. Sometimes I worry that her looks are all she’ll have, and when those eventually fade…”
Smiling, she looked over at me and smoothed back my hair. “But you are beautiful and smart, and you’ll do well with whatever life hands you.” She leaned in to place a kiss on my forehead. “Your father and I are both very proud of the woman you’re becoming.” Sighing, she shook her head. “You’re our baby…we don’t want to see you hurt is all.” I smiled, looking back at Kellan. Anna was admiring his ring. He smiled at her and then looked up at me. Tilting his head, he nodded a little, like he was telling me that everything would be okay. As Mom kissed my head and walked back into the living room, I heard Kellan’s jacket ringing. Thinking maybe it was the guys wishing us a Merry Christmas, I walked over and plucked it out of his pocket. It was a text from a number I didn’t recognize; the name just said ‘private.’ I was about to hit the read button when the phone was yanked from my hands.
Surprised, I looked over at Kellan standing beside me. Smiling, he glanced at the screen, hit a button, then tucked the phone in his pocket.
Ice washed through me; he hadn’t even looked at the message, like he was going to when he was alone. A downside to giving him a cell phone struck me as my curiosity piqued.
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Ignoring the look on my face, he pointed over to Anna. “Want to play a game? Anna thinks she can beat me at Monopoly.” He laughed a little and shook his head. I frowned. No, I didn’t want to play a game, I wanted to know who had just texted him.
“Sure,” I muttered. As he started leading me away, I started to wonder if maybe my parents were wiser than I wanted to believe. Before I could stop myself, I asked, “Who was that text from?” Kellan effortlessly smiled back at me and shook his head. “It was just from Griffin.” He leaned in and laughed. “Trust me, with the stuff he’s been sending me lately, you don’t want to see it.” I frowned, but nodded. It was a completely plausible story and he had just given us promise rings. He wouldn’t do that if he wasn’t living up to his end of the promise…right?
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15
Chapter
Unexpected
Kellan got to spend five more entire days with me. It felt like five months with how much time we spent together. I showed him everything my hometown had to offer while he was here. My old school, the street all the kids in the neighborhood used to play on, the café I frequented everyday for lunch my senior year of high school. Kellan acted like I was showing him around Disneyland, genuinely interested in seeing how I’d grown up.
For some reason, though, I shied away from all of the places that Denny and I had been together, places that were important to our relationship. The restaurant where we’d had our first date, this one particular espresso stand that we’d hit nearly every morning before classes, the book store that we used to go to on lazy, Sunday mornings.
Even though I avoided pointing it out to Kellan, there was so much of Denny in this city it was nearly overwhelming at times. We’d entered adulthood together here. In a way, we’d sort of grown up together here.
Walking around the reminders brought Denny to the forefront of my mind, but I pushed him back.
I could speak with my longtime friend later. My boyfriend, the man who’d recently given me his heart in a band of silver, was my primary focus. Especially since I wasn’t sure when I’d get to see him again, once his five days were up.
And once those five days were up, the time didn’t feel like five months anymore. It suddenly felt more like five seconds. Walking him as far as I could through the airport, I felt the heaviness of our separation in my heart. My mom was right about our relationship in one respect—it was hard. Him leaving, going out on the road to places unknown with people 275
unknown, was taxing. It took a special person to be able to wear the weight of that strain. I wanted to be that person, I desperately wanted it.
But I’d always liked consistency, and Kellan’s life was no longer predict-able. He was fluid now, carving a path that was as ever-changing as the weather. It knotted my stomach.
Bag slung over his shoulder, Kellan twisted to face me when it was time to part. Heart in his eyes, he laid his forehead against mine. “No goodbyes,” he whispered.
I nodded, biting my lip as my eyes stubbornly stung. “I’ll miss you.” He nodded against me, sighing softly. “I’ll miss you more.” I grinned a little, shaking my head. “No, it doesn’t work that way. It’s always harder on the person being left than the person leaving…that’s just a fact.”
Pulling back, he cupped my cheek. “I’m not leaving you. I’ll never leave you.”
I swallowed, placing my hand over his. “I know,” I whispered, hoping that what he’d just said was a fact.
He searched my eyes for long seconds, then he leaned in to kiss me. It was the softest, sweetest, most tender physical act we’d ever shared. I never wanted it to stop. I suddenly wished we were entered in one of those kissing contests right then, the kind where the couple who were locked together the longest won some outrageous prize, just so the moment would have to continue for days and days.
But that wasn’t what was happening, and eventually the moment did end. He pulled apart from me, slowly, reluctantly. Biting his lip, he sighed and brushed some tears off my cheeks; I hadn’t even realized I’d been crying. Engulfing me in a warm hug, he whispered in my ear, “I love you, just you…I promise.”
I smiled as we pulled apart, reaching up to feel his face under my fingertips. “I promise too,” I whispered back.
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He gave me a breathtaking smile then stepped back. Grabbing my hand, he kissed the back of it. Then he had to go, and I had to let him. I felt my heart squeeze as I watched the shape of him retreating from me.
But then my eyes drifted down his body and words from Matt’s neighbor drifted through my head. I smiled and shook my head. That spunky old lady was right…he did have a nice butt.
Anna and I spent New Year’s Eve in Ohio, her going out with a group of her old friends, me staying home with my parents. I played a board game with them while I thought about Kellan singing his heart out on a stage somewhere. It had been forever since I’d heard him sing…I missed that too.
The first day of the New Year had Anna and I back on a plane, going home. Mom and Dad saw us both off at the gate. Mom sobbing while she hugged her girls, Dad telling us that we were welcome to come back any time we wanted, for however long we wanted. He even told me that Kellan could visit again sometime too, since he was a decent man and had obeyed the house rules.
I didn’t tell Dad that Kellan and I had broken his rules on that very first night. I also didn’t mention that every night after that, I’d snuck downstairs to cuddle with Kellan on the plastic-coated couch. And technically that hadn’t been breaking the rules, since Dad’s only stipulation was that Kellan couldn’t come up to my room. He’d never said anything about me going down to him.
I also didn’t mention that fact to Mom, since Kellan and I had caved once or twice on that couch and she had specifically asked for that not to happen in her house. I couldn’t help it, though. Sometimes my common sense flew right out the window when Kellan touched me. Okay, most of the time it did.
When our plane touched down on the west coast, my heart dropped a little. At least back in Ohio, I was closer to where Kellan was, as he continued his touring by the east coast. Now that I was back at home, the country had never seemed so large. I cursed the vastness of it all.
Stepping into Pete’s that night, since the work-free part of my winter vacation was over, I was assaulted nearly instantly. A cute, perky blonde 277
threw her arms around me. “Kiera! You’re back!” Pulling back, Jenny beamed up at me. “We missed you so much.”
I laughed as I hugged her, warmed by her welcome. “I missed you guys too.” As we separated, a flash of sparkle around her neck caught my eye. Fingering the pendant against her skin, a gold heart with a diamond floating in the center of it, I smiled. “This is really pretty. Is it from Evan?”
Jenny picked it up and giggled. “Yeah.” She pointed to the silver guitar I always wore tucked under my clothes. “Now we kind of match, right?”
I smiled and nodded, lightly tracing the shape of the guitar under my shirt. Jenny flicked a finger at the ring I was unconsciously showing her.
A knowing smile on her face, she asked, “That from Kellan?” Seeing that she clearly already knew it was, I looked down at it and nodded. She sighed as she pulled my hand over to examine it. Shaking her head she told me, “Yeah, Evan told me about these. He was there when Kellan picked them out.” She peeked up at me, her blue eyes bright. “Kellan wears one too, right?”
I nodded again, fingering the elegant band around my finger. “Yeah, his is plain silver. It’s simple, it suits him…it’s really nice.” My voice got a little dreamy on me and Jenny smiled, dropping my hand. “That boy never ceases to surprise me,” she murmured. “I honestly didn’t think he had it in him to be so committed to one person.” She shrugged, hugging me again. “Well, I’m glad it’s you that he loves.” Starting to walk away, she shook her head and rolled her eyes. “If I had to constantly hang around some of the girls he’s been with, I think I’d shoot myself.” She smirked and laughed, then seemed to realize what she’d said and stopped walking. “Oh, I didn’t mean to bring up…you know…he’s just…there were some that…”
She sighed and shrugged, looking really embarrassed. I forced myself to laugh and shrug my shoulders. “I know. I know what he was. It’s okay, Jenny. Don’t worry about it.”
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She relaxed a little, tossing out an apology before scampering off to work. I inhaled a deep breath and let it go. His past flings were no great secret. It nearly seemed like there was a group of them that held weekly meetings, comparing notes. Oh, he did that with you too! How amazing for the both of us!
I smirked at myself, imaging Rita as the president of the club and Candy as the vice president. Rain could be the treasurer…mechanic girl could be the secretary. Rolling my eyes, I headed to the back room to start getting ready for work. Filling up that imaginary club’s imaginary positions had been way too easy.
Before I knew it, I was back into my old routine. School started back up again and I had all new classes for the new quarter. Still going for my Bachelor of Arts with a major in English, my classes were heavy on literature…and homework. I enrolled in a class that I was sure was going to be as challenging as my Critical Practices class—Studies in Expository Writing. Under my guidance counselor’s advice, I also signed up for a course on the Theory and Practice of Teaching Writing. She said that learning to teach someone else was also a good way to learn something yourself. I agreed, although the thought of standing in front of class giving lectures made me want to pee my pants. But I could do it if I had to.
If Kellan had gotten through the challenges in his life, I could surely get through my far more trivial woes.
On the bright side, I now had Friday afternoons off. True, I’d mainly be studying, but a bright side is a bright side. That and my ethics class was over. And no more ethics meant no more Candy. And she apparently was not focusing on English as her major; she didn’t show up in any of my new classes.
Cheyenne did, though. The outgoing woman slung her arm around me when she showed up in my poetry class. Only briefly asking how my rock star boyfriend was, she streamed on and on about her holiday break. I listened eagerly, glad that I had a life and connections outside of Kellan. That, for once, focusing on him wasn’t all I had. Like Mom feared with Anna, I didn’t want to rely on one thing for my happiness. That wasn’t to say that Kellan didn’t give me the most joy, he did, but there were other pockets of contentment that I drew strength from too.