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Surprisingly, he exhaled in what looked like relief. Smiling softly, he brushed the tears off my cheeks. “Good, I’m glad to hear you say that. I really thought this wasn’t affecting you.” He kissed me twice, then pulled back and held my gaze. My sobs eased at the look in his eyes. “I love you too, Kiera…so much.” Shaking his head, his eyes moistening again, he added, “I’m gonna miss you…every second.” I nodded and swallowed, trying to reign in my explosive feelings. I felt like I was going to break down into hysterics any second, and I didn’t want our last moment to be that way. Even if it had been reaffirming for him to see my grief, I didn’t want to drown him in tears. This was a good thing for him, an exciting thing. I wanted him to go off happy, knowing that I’d be here when he got back. And like Jenny was always telling me, I had to have faith that he would come back.
Closing my eyes, I tried to imagine the reverse of this moment, six months from now, when he was coming home. We’d embrace. We’d shower the other with affection. Then I’d drop my reluctance to move in with him and we’d go home together. Then we’d make love for hours.
Just the two of us, twisted in his sheets, moaning in passion. It ignited me a little already, just thinking of it. We just had to get through this winter and then we’d be reunited in the spring…like last year.
Thinking of winter sprang my eyes open. “You’ll be gone,” I whispered.
He bunched his forehead, not following my vague statement. Shaking my head, I clarified. “This will be our first Christmas…together…and you’ll be gone.”
The sadness threatened to drive me over the edge again, but he smiled. “I won’t be working over the holidays. I do get some time off.” I sighed. “But who knows where you’ll be. You couldn’t possibly fly across the country just to spend a couple of days with me.” Frowning, he shrugged. “Why not? People do it all the time.” I shrugged, feeling like it was too much of a hassle to ask him to jump on a plane, not once, but twice, during the busiest traveling time of the 188
year. Tilting his head at me, he twisted his lip. “Where will you be for Christmas?”
Shaking my head, I shrugged again. “With my family in Ohio, I guess.
I’ll probably spend my winter break there.” He nodded, his smile widening. “Then I’ll meet you there…in Ohio.” I raised an eyebrow at him, shaking my head. “Kellan…” He interrupted me with a swift kiss. “No, I’ve always wanted to meet your parents, see your home town.” Pulling back, his face excited, he smiled wide. “When I get the time off, I’ll come to you.” He shook his head, his eyes glowing. “We’ll do Christmas with your family. It’ll be great, Kiera.”
Sighing, imagining him sitting on my parents’ couch, sipping eggnog, I nodded and bit my lip. “Alright…it’s a date.” Both of us feeling better, we kissed again for a few long seconds. Band members brushed past us as we nonverbally said goodbye, but we ignored them. I even managed to ignore Griffin grabbing my butt and murmuring in my ear, “Yes, Kellan…God, yes.” Then we were alone and the bus driver was snapping at Kellan to get on or he’d leave him here.
Sighing, we broke apart…for the last time. I didn’t want to think of it that way, but there it was, the last kiss we’d have for what I knew was going to feel like an eternity. Swallowing as he nodded at me, he took a step back. Our hands trailed across the other’s arms and it took every amount of will power I had to not grab his fingertips as our hands broke apart.
I didn’t want to, but a sob came out of me when his skin left mine.
Even though we’d made plans to see each other again, it almost felt like things were irrevocably shifting. We’d never be Kiera and Kellan again…not like we were anyway. I hoped that the new Kiera and Kellan would be better, stronger, more trusting of each other…but I didn’t know for sure what or where we’d end up. And the unknown is a terri-fying thing.
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Kellan adjusted his guitar strapped on his back, then stepped onto his bus and out of my sight. Jenny, Rachel and Anna came up to clump around me. Windows opened along the sides of the bus, and strange guys leaned out of them to wave to strange girls. Then our D-Bags appeared near the back. Kellan leaned on his elbows over the glass, lifting his hand in a small wave. Tears in my eyes, I waved back.
With all of us girls sniffling, we watched, disheartened, as the bus rumbled to life. Stringing my arms over Anna and Jenny, Rachel leaning on Jenny, we all softly cried while our men departed for their war with fame. Even through my sorrow, I wished them luck.
As the bus pulled away, the various boys popped back inside it, windows closing after them. All but Kellan. He stayed propped out his window, watching me fade into oblivion as he sped away from me faster and faster. It was so metaphoric, a physical example of everything I feared our relationship would become, that I couldn’t keep watching.
When he was far enough away that he wouldn’t be able to notice, I closed my eyes. Sadly, that felt metaphoric too.
When I reopened them, the busses were gone, vanished from sight, off to destinations unknown. The random girls wandering around the parking lot talked with each other in clumps before heading off to their separate vehicles. Most of them looked fine, like their boyfriends disappearing down the path to fame and fortune was no big deal. Shaking my head at the more chipper girls in the crowd, I wanted to run over and tell them,
“What are you so thrilled about? Don’t you know the odds are that you’ll be replaced as soon as they are household names?” But I was trying to keep my head in a positive place, so I didn’t.
Sniffing back the tears, I suddenly wanted to be at home, wetting my way through a box of Kleenex. My friends had other plans, though.
Jenny stepped in front of me, cupping my cheeks. She hazed in my watery vision as I stared at her. Shaking her golden waves, she said, “Kellan gave me instructions that I wasn’t allowed to let you mope after he left…so stop picturing all of the bad things you’re picturing and smile, so I can tell him that I did my job.”
She grinned after she said it and I blinked. “He…gave you instructions on how to handle me?”
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Jenny shrugged, dropping her palms from my face to grab my hands.
Anna laughed and put her chin on my shoulder. “Yeah, he talked to me, too…said I should take you out a lot, make sure you had fun and didn’t wallow too much.” I looked back at my sister and she giggled, rolling her eyes. “It’s like he knows you or something.” Quiet Rachel put her hand on my arm and I looked over at the mixed beauty. “He cares a lot about you, Kiera. He wants you to be happy while he’s gone.”
Blinking at her, I shook my head. “He talked to all of you?” They all shrugged and smiled and I shook my head. “I can’t believe my boyfriend assigned my friends to be my keepers…like I’d be popping Prozac and walking along bridge rails once he left.” Smiling, I laughed a little. “That jackass.”
They all laughed with me and I took a moment to look over each woman’s face. Even smiling, I could see a sadness in each of them and I swallowed, remembering that I wasn’t the only one suffering here. Putting my arm around Rachel, I asked, “I know I’m not the only one going through this…how are you guys?”
Rachel shrugged, her deeply tanned skin flushing. “All right, I guess.
Matt says he loves me and he’s not interested in anybody else. It’s all about the music with him…so, I think we’ll be fine.” I hugged her briefly, agreeing with her. Matt wasn’t the type to go after a girl when he had one waiting at home. Even before he’d started dating Rachel…that just wasn’t him. Jenny in front of me sighed morosely. “I miss him already, but I know Evan will come back for me.” She shook her head. “We’ve been friends for so long…I just can’t see him doing anything… ” she bit her lip and glanced at Anna, “…stupid.” Anna snorted and we all turned to look at her. “Well, Griffin and I aren’t the lovey-dovey couple that the three of you are, so I’m completely fine.” Smiling, she shrugged. “He gives me what I need when he’s around, and when he’s not…” her smile widened, “there are plenty of others who can.”
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She winked at us and I laughed and shook my head. At least Anna wasn’t head-over-heels for Griffin and wouldn’t get hurt over his…antics. I was fairly certain that he wouldn’t even try to be faithful and committed to her while he was gone. Hell, he wasn’t even faithful and committed to her while he was here! But she wasn’t faithful to him either and they both seemed fine with the situation.
Jenny smirked and shook her head while Rachel frowned. Being Matt’s girlfriend, she probably saw the most of Griffin, since the twin-like cousins were sort of inseparable, and if she was anything like me, she probably found him repugnant. Anna sighed and laid her head on my shoulder. “I will miss the multiple orgasms, though.” She sighed, forlornly. “No one can stroke me like that boy.” Jenny giggled while Rachel’s flush deepened. I reached over and smacked my sister’s shoulder, pushing her away from me. “Ewww, Anna, too much information…seriously.”
She laughed while I shook my head in disgust. I may have to go home and take a shower now. I felt a little dirty just hearing her comment, let alone the visual I now had. Anna throatily chuckled, her finger looping around a perfect, silky lock of hair as she raised her eyebrows suggestively. I was still shaking my head at her when my pocket vibrated.
A bit startled, I reached into my jacket and pulled out my phone. The most
glorious
words
imaginable
were
flashing
across
the
screen— Incoming call from Kellan Kyle. Giggling at the marvels of technology, I pressed the connect button and put the phone to my ear. “Hello?” A husky voice greeted me, along with a lot of background noise; boisterous boys laughing and talking. “Hey, is it too early to miss you?” Laughing a little as Jenny and the girls watched me, I shook my head.
“No, it’s never too early for that. I miss you too, Kellan.” Anna rolled her eyes while Jenny and Rachel grinned. Kellan laughed in my ear, the sound instantly taking me to my happy place. “Good…is it too early for phone sex?”