10
Chapter
This Isn’t Goodbye
Once the boys had cleaned up and gotten their stuff ready, it was time to head out. Kellan had already packed a bag and shoved it in his trunk, probably figuring that the going away party might turn into an overnight stay. I hadn’t, and still wearing my Pete’s uniform under my jacket, I slid into Kellan’s Chevelle beside him.
I hated the drive there. It was like how an army wife must feel, driving her man off to war. Alright, I take that back, the situations were nothing alike. Those women were living with the potential knowledge that they may never see their husbands again. What Kellan was doing wasn’t nearly so treacherous. But…it still felt the same. And in all honesty, the possibility that I could never see him again was there. Not because of him being killed in battle, but because he could be swept away by fame.
He could be discovered by some record big-wig, offered the world, then sent off to parts unknown to become a cog in the entertainment in-dustry wheel. He wouldn’t have time for me then. And, if he was constantly surrounded by dying-to-please star-effers…he may not want me then either.
Rolling my eyes as I watched the tail lights of Griffin’s van and Evan’s car, I reminded myself that Kellan wasn’t interested in a woman who only wanted what he was, and not who he was. He’d had that…for years…and he wanted more. He wanted me. Even if this was his moment, he wouldn’t let us go. I just had to keep believing that.
Setting his hand on my thigh, Kellan looked over at me. “It won’t happen.”
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I blinked as I looked over at him, wondering how he knew what I was thinking. Smiling, he shook his head and pointed at me. “Whatever bad scenario you’ve created in your head, where I become a rich and famous douche and leave you high and dry…it won’t happen that way.” Frowning, I tilted my head at him. “I thought you said you couldn’t read minds.”
Laughing, he twisted back to the road. “I can’t…I just know how you think is all.” Peeking back at me, he added, “You think you’re not enough for me. You think I’ll see all the hot tail in front of me and I’ll dive into it without a moment’s hesitation. You think I’ll cheat…because I won’t be able to help myself.”
He frowned and I sighed. Shaking my head, I said, “And now you’re thinking that I’ll be so lonely and depressed, imagining you with every starlet wannabe out there, that I’ll find comfort in another man’s arms.
You think I’ll cheat…because I’ll assume that you already are.” I frowned and he sighed, staring back to the road. “Well, aren’t we a pair,” he muttered.
Laying my head on his shoulder, I whispered, “I won’t, Kellan. Even if I do think that about you, and I’m not saying that I will think that, but…either way, I won’t…I’m yours.”
Sighing, he laid his head over mine. “And I won’t…because I’ve only ever been yours.”
I bit my lip and closed my eyes, desperately wanting to believe him.
Moments later, it seemed, we were there. Kellan pulled into a parking stall next to Evan and shut the car off. We sat for a moment in silence while Evan opened his door beside us. He rapped on our window, a wide smile on his face. Jenny opened her side and joined him, waving in our direction. As the pair met up with Matt, Griffin, Rachel and Anna, Kellan and I still sat in his car, enjoying the last moment of quiet before he had to go.
A few rows behind us in the lot, there was a flurry of activity. Several guys, who I assumed were members of some of the other bands, were 182
bustling around three, long motor home-like busses. Men in uniforms talked with a few; the bus drivers. There were a lot of guys around, girls fawning over them as they said their goodbyes. With only a few busses for so many people, I figured Kellan was right when he said they’d be pretty packed. He may not know the other band members now, but he certainly would by the end of the tour. At least, with that many people already on board, there wouldn’t be a lot of room for girls. Although…I suppose nothing would stop them from caravanning after the busses, stopping at the various ports along the way. That was a disheartening thought, and I immediately pushed it to the back of my head.
As I looked back at the mass of people at the very edge of the super-mall parking lot, Kellan twisted the keys out of the ignition and handed them to me. I blinked as I took them. “Take care of her for me, okay?” His deep eyes seemed reluctant to let the keys go as my fingers curled over them.
My eyes widened. “You’re giving me your car?” Slightly frowning, he shook his head. “I’m just letting you borrow her.” He lifted an eyebrow. “I’ll want her back.” I smiled a little at the thought of cruising around in his muscle car and he frowned. “Make sure you get the oil changed and fill her up with premium…and don’t drive on the hills if it snows and no joy riding…” Pondering for a moment, he quickly added, “And don’t let Anna drive her.” Rolling his eyes, he muttered, “I’ve seen what she did to Denny’s car.” I smiled, my fingers tightening on the keys. No, I wouldn’t let Anna turn another one of my boyfriend’s cars into her personal, portable closet. “I won’t,” I whispered. “I’ll keep your baby in mint condition, Kellan.”
He smiled that I’d personified his car, then sighed. “It just seems a shame for her to sit in a driveway while you argue with Anna over who gets that P.O.S. Honda.” Running his fingers through my hair, he shook his head. “I want you to be able to get to…wherever you need to go while I’m gone.”
Swallowing, I nodded. Somehow, Kellan handing over the rights to his baby seemed more final than staring across the lot at his future home for 183
the next six months. My eyes stinging, I shoved the keys in my pocket.
Kellan’s eyes followed them for a second before he finally cracked open his door. Reluctantly, I followed suit.
There was an excited buzz in the air as heavy equipment was secured into a couple of trucks that would follow the busses. Twenty-something boys everywhere were tucking bags and instruments under the bus, jabbing and mocking each other, or kissing the few women in the crowd.
Matt and Evan walked up to a couple of guys that I recognized. They were in a bigger band with a couple of hits on the radio. I loved their stuff, and sang along in the car whenever one of their songs came on.
Usually pretty loudly. Kellan had said they were headlining the tour, but seeing them, and seeing people that I knew talking to them, was totally surreal.
Grabbing his guitar case from the back seat, Kellan slung it over his shoulder. Once he’d retrieved his bag from the trunk, he grabbed my hand and started pulling me towards the celebrities in our midst. I froze up, not wanting to go anywhere near them.
He looked back at me, his brow furrowed. I shook my head and whispered, “Don’t you know who they are?”
Kellan smiled and nodded. “Yeah, they’re sort of the reason we’re on this tour. I was going to go say hello and thank them.” Seeing my horror at the idea of talking to them, he tilted his head. “I’ve heard you sing their stuff. Don’t you want to meet them?”
I shook my head even harder. No, I tended to look like an idiot meeting people. Meeting people I actually admired would be…unimaginably mortifying. Laughing at my reluctance, Kellan pulled my arm a little harder. “They’re just people, Kiera. They started out as nobodies,” he laughed a little harder, “just like me.” Raising an eyebrow in a devilish way, he yanked my body into his side. “And you don’t seem to have a problem talking to me.”
I giggled despite myself and reluctantly let him lead me their way. I was embarrassingly shaky when we stepped up to the pair of bona fide rock stars. Before Kellan addressed them, he whispered in my ear, 184
“You’re trembling just like some of my fans do…I’m a little jealous. I’ll try not to be offended that I don’t make you…quiver.” I busted out laughing, right as the men turned to look at us. My cheeks flamed red-hot as they both bunched their brows like I was a mental patient. God, I suck at introductions.
Lightly laughing himself, Kellan dropped his bag and stuck his hand out; I clung to his other one like a lifeline. “Kellan Kyle, D-Bag, I wanted to thank you for inviting us to this.”
The blonder of the two guys, Justin, the phenomenal lead singer of the band, clasped Kellan’s hand and shook it. “Yeah, man, we’re honored to have you. You guys rocked the festival.”
Kellan beamed. “Thanks.” Looking over at where I was slightly hiding behind his shoulder, blatantly staring at the tattoo across Justin’s collar bones, Kellan bumped my shoulder. “This is my girlfriend, Kiera.” I glanced up at Kellan, wishing I could tell him to shut up. He chuckled as he added, “She’s a huge fan of yours…more so than she is of me, I think.”
Justin looked straight at me and I wanted to crawl into a hole. He had pale eyes and they held the same amused look that Kellan got when he ran into shivering, shaking female fans. Throwing on a professional smile, Justin extended a hand out to me. I was positive mine was clammy as all get out, and I really didn’t want to gross him out by taking his, but I didn’t have a choice if I didn’t want to offend him. So, reluctantly, I did.
Tilting his fabulous head of layered hair, Justin casually said, “It’s always nice to meet a fan. What’s your favorite song?” As his skin touched mine, all coherent thought left my brain. I couldn’t think of a title of any of their songs. Not a damn one. I stammered and stuttered, my cheeks heating to a nearly uncomfortable level until I finally spat out, “I like them all…”
Kellan quietly laughed at me while I realized that I’d been shaking the rock star’s hand for an inordinately long amount of time. Dropping it, I 185
cuddled into Kellan’s side, again wishing I could disappear. Justin and his friend looked over at Kellan and Justin clapped him on the shoulder.
“Well, we’re just about ready to roll. We’ll see you later.” Kellan nodded and the two walked off to enter the first bus in line.
That had been just as embarrassing as I thought it would be…I wanted to die. After they were gone, Kellan peered down at me, an eyebrow raised. “You couldn’t think of one song, could you?” I sighed and shrugged and Kellan rolled his eyes. “I’m not sure how I feel about another man making you so nervous.” Slinging his arms around my waist, he smiled. “I want to be the one that makes you sweat.” Rubbing my hands on my pants, my eyes widened. “Oh my God, was I sweaty?”
Kellan squatted down to meet my eye, his lips pursed. Laughing at the expression on his face, I exhaled a calming breath and looped my arms around his neck. “I am your biggest fan, Kellan Kyle.” Leaning in, I kissed him. “And don’t you forget it.”
Languidly kissing me back, he murmured, “Well, I do aim to please the fans.” He slid his tongue into my mouth, but I smacked his shoulder on principle. He chuckled, pulling my body into his and I melted, letting his passion seep into me. My hands tangling into his wonderfully shaggy hair, I lost myself in the moment, in his body. Just as our kiss was in-tensifying, and I started hoping that he’d press me into the bus and claim me again, Kellan’s shoulder was tapped on.
“Uh, man, it’s time to go.”
We broke apart and glanced over at Evan. Jenny was attached to his side, slight tears in her eyes as she clung to him. Behind him, Matt was quietly saying goodbye to Rachel, both of them lightly kissing in-between words that I couldn’t hear. Griffin had Anna pressed against the bus.
Kellan nodded as Evan reached down and picked up Kellan’s bag for him, giving us a few extra moments. Straightening, Evan gave me a swift goodbye hug and then he and Jenny walked to the doors of bus number three. Not able to watch their painful goodbye, since my own painful 186
goodbye was upon me, I jerked my head back to Kellan. He swallowed and brought his eyes back to mine. Cupping my cheeks, he looked over my face, memorizing me.
“This isn’t goodbye, okay. There are no goodbyes…not between us.” Whispering intensely, he lowered his forehead to rest it against mine.
The scent of him overwhelmed me and I inhaled it, savoring it. Tears were already stinging my eyes when he continued. “This tour is just me being gone for another show…a really long one. But when it’s over, I’m coming home to you, to slip into your warm, inviting bed, like I always do…”
I nodded, not having any words.
He swallowed again and closed his eyes. “I’ll still be with you every night, Kiera. Every night, no matter where I am, I’m crawling into bed with you. Our bed will be a lot bigger, miles wide, but it will still just be me and you inside it…okay?”
I nodded again and he whispered, “This doesn’t have to change anything…if we don’t let it.” Swallowing, he choked out, “So let’s not let it, all right?”
Tears sliding down my cheeks, I sputtered, “All right…” Pulling apart from me, his own eyes moist, he searched my face again.
“Are you okay?”
Feeling the weight of his absence crushing down on me, I choked on a sob. Hating myself, but not able to stop the words from forming, I shook my head in his hands. “No, no I’m not okay. I changed my mind. I don’t want you to go. I don’t want this. I don’t want you to leave. I want you to stay here with me. I want you to give it all up and stay here with me…please.”
Tears were coursing down my cheeks as I started to sob. I hated that my feelings were coming out this way. I didn’t really want him to give up his dreams…I just didn’t want to see him go. I loved him too much.