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I said that last part forlornly as I glossed over his body again. Lightly chuckling, he set his clothes on the counter and watched me watch him. I bit my lip as another drop traveled down his broad back. “You sure?” he asked, still amused.
Sighing, I took a quick glance back at Anna’s room. Luckily the door was still closed. “Yes.”
When I looked back at him, he shrugged and unwrapped the towel from his waist. In the middle of my tiny kitchen, he let the material fall right to the ground. My eyes widened at the sight of him completely bare. Kellan didn’t need to…um, glorify his manhood with accessories like Griffin did. He was absolutely perfect in his natural state. Flushing red hot, I watched him lightly shake his head at me and very slowly grab his underwear from the pile. I wanted to snap at him to hurry, and at the same time I wanted him to slow down even more. Smiling, I knew this mental snapshot would also come back to me when I was missing him.
When the last piece of clothing was over his body, I sighed sadly and walked over to lace my arms around his neck. “I’m gonna miss you,” I murmured, shaking my head at him.
He smiled, lacing his arms around my waist. “I’m gonna miss you, too.”
We were softly kissing when my sister entered the room. “Damn it, was he in a towel?”
I looked over at my sister frowning playfully, pointing at the evidence piled on the floor. Grinning, I laid my head on his chest. “Yes, sorry, you missed the peep show.”
Sighing dramatically, she reached into the cupboard next to us and grabbed a few coffee mugs. “I always do,” she muttered, handing one to me, then Kellan.
Laughing and shaking his head, Kellan disengaged himself from me so he could pour everyone coffee from the pot that had just finished brewing. When he handed a full one to Anna she politely thanked him.
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Taking a small sip, she raised her eyebrows at him. “Hey, good luck at your show, Kellan. I’m gonna get off work a little early so I can catch the tail end of it.”
Kellan nodded and smiled, handing me a cup with room for creamer in it; I couldn’t stand black coffee like he and my sister could. “Thanks, Anna. I’m glad you’ll be able to make it to this one.” Smiling at me, he poured a final cup for himself. “It should be good.” He shrugged casually, like it was just another show and not his farewell show.
I bit my lip to stop the stinging sensation building in my eyes as I poured a good helping of flavored creamer into my mug. I didn’t want to get emotional over the fact already. There would be time for tears later, I was sure. Anna sighed, the sound matching my mood. “I wouldn’t miss it for anything, Kellan.”
She gave him a supportive pat on the shoulder then left us so we could have one last peaceful morning together with our cups of coffee. And it was the most comforting of all.
After driving me to school, Kellan threw his arm over my shoulder and walked me to class. The people here were finally used to seeing him walking down the hall, since he walked me nearly every day, but the girls still stared appreciatively. I’d considered skipping today, so we would have all the time in the world together, but Kellan had firmly told me no. School was important, he’d said, and I’d missed too much already. Knowing he was right, I’d reluctantly agreed.
Surprising me, Kellan walked me all the way into my classroom.
When he walked me over to a row with a couple of open seats, I rolled my eyes at him. “I can handle this part. You can go…nap or something.” Chuckling adorably, he shook his head and, holding my hand, walked backwards down the aisle with me. “I’m not walking you to your seat.” Edging past a couple of girls staring at him wide-eyed, he sat down and motioned for me to sit beside him. “I’m joining you,” he said, smiling brilliantly as he crossed his arms over his chest.
I stared at him open-mouthed. He’d teased about sitting through a class before, but I never thought he’d actually do it. Kellan wasn’t dumb 126
or anything, but he wasn’t exactly the academic type. He’d be bored out of his mind sitting here with me while the teacher droned on and on about morality clauses in contract agreements. Shaking my head, I sat down beside him. “All right.”
Chuckling, he slung an arm over my shoulder. Looking over at him, I raised an eyebrow. “No falling asleep.” He laughed a little and stroked my arm with his thumb. Smiling, I added, “And no funny business. I actually need to learn this stuff.”
Kellan rolled his eyes and made a pledge over his heart. “I’ll be the perfect student.” Facing forwards, he muttered, “And if I’m not, you can punish me later.” His grin was so devilishly attractive, I had to look away. Unfortunately, I looked right across the room at Candy.
She was sitting with her friends, her head turned all the way around as she stared at the rock star sitting in on her class. Her surprised expression nearly matched what my own had been. As I leaned into his side, resting my head on his shoulder, her expression relaxed into a neutral one. Rolling her eyes and muttering a word that I could clearly tell was,
“Whatever,” she jerked back around to the front of the room.
I grinned and waited for my boyfriend to receive his first college lecture. I hoped he liked it.
In a way that surprised me, Kellan was the perfect student. He listened enraptured, even leaning forward a little. During a discussion period, he even piped up with a couple of well thought out questions. I smiled as he got into a debate with a guy a few rows down from us. Kellan’s side of the argument was much more persuasive, and the legitimate student in the room conceded to it by the end. The professor commended Kellan on his points, then tilted his head like he was trying to place who Kellan was…and if he was actually a student. Eventually he gave up trying to figure it out and dismissed the class for the day.
I was very proud of my boyfriend as we left the room. Given another life, he probably would have done really well here.
Kellan was ear-to-ear smiles and I clenched his hand, loving that he’d loved it so much. Everything was going great, until he walked past a 127
group of giggling girls. Feeling bold, they stepped right in front of us, blocking our exit. Still on cloud nine, Kellan smiled at the group.
“Ladies?” he asked politely, tilting his head.
They giggled even more at being addressed. I wanted to sigh and roll my eyes. There was something about him that turned mature, educated, enlightened women into fifteen-year-old school girls. I’d seen it happen way too often.
The boldest of the group stepped forward. “You’re Kellan, right? We just love your band.”
Nodding politely, an odd expression passed Kellan’s face as he studied the group of women assembled before him. It was something that the girls probably wouldn’t notice, but I did. It was almost like he was trying to place a name with a face. Throwing on an effortless grin, he smoothly said, “I’m glad to hear you enjoy us. Our last show is tonight at Pete’s.” Leaning in, he raised an eyebrow at them. “I hope you guys can make it.” His tone was so suggestive that I actually raised my own eyebrow. I was used to him flirting a little with them, but sometimes he took it just a bit too far.
They, of course, ate it up. Kellan smiled as he flicked his eyes over the group. He kept looking at one in the back and I curiously started examining her too. She was biting her lip and eyeing him in an intimate way, a way that clearly said she was a step above the other fawning fans around. It was a look I’d seen before on women who’d approached him, or sometimes even shown up at his place. It was the look of a woman who’d shared a bed with him before, and probably wouldn’t mind sharing a bed with him again.
As his eyes kept flashing over hers, I finally registered the look I was seeing on his face. It was an expression of, I know you…how do I know you?
Irritated by the whole situation, I started to subtly pull away from him.
Maybe taking the hint, he excused himself from the gawkers. “It was nice to meet you all…I’ll see you at the show.” I groaned a little that he’d tossed that in at the end. Now they all probably assumed that he literally meant he’d spend some time with them at the performance tonight. And 128
I’ve-slept-with-you girl was probably expecting a great amount of personal attention.
I was scowling by the time we were outside. He noticed. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
Glaring over at him, I rolled my eyes. “I hope you all can make it. See you there, ladies,” I mocked, not really meaning to.
He stopped and stared at me. “I was just being friendly with some fans, Kiera. It doesn’t mean what you think it means.” I stopped, setting my hands on my hips. I was fine with the fans, truly, I was, but that girl in the back had gotten under my skin. It was so weird to have so many people know what being with him was like…in that way. And they kept popping up everywhere. This girl, Candy, Rita, and I was pretty sure about that mechanic chick too…and that was just in the small circle that I saw often. I knew the list was much, much longer than that.
Pointing back to the building, I snapped out, “You’ve had sex with that girl!”
He blinked at my tone and my words, then his face heated. “And?” I blinked that he didn’t even try and deny it. “And…and…” Not having a real argument, I sighed and hung my head. “And I’m tired of running into girls who know what making love to you feels like. “ He sighed and stepped into me, cupping my face. His voice and face softer, he shook his head. “No one but you knows what making love to me feels like.” Raising his eyebrows, he rested his head against mine. “I didn’t even know what making love was like until you.” Pulling back, he tilted his head at the building. “What happened with that girl…was just sex. A mindless, physical act that had no meaning or feeling behind it. It was just pleasure…and I don’t even really remember it.”
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Squatting down, he met my eye. “I remember every single time with you. Even before we were together, being with you haunted my dreams.
I couldn’t forget, even when I wanted to…” His thumbs brushed over my cheeks as I felt tears falling down them. “You…seared me. That’s making love. That is something that none of them have over you. You are…unforgettable…and I love you.”
Sniffling, I swallowed a couple times before I could finally say, “I love you, too.”
He kissed me then, and I felt the passion and the truth in his words.
They’d had him, but not like I’d had him. For some reason, I was different to him, and I was eternally grateful for that. I was still thinking about all of his conquests on the drive to his place, though. Feeling a little melancholy, I sat on his couch after we walked in his door. He sat beside me, a little cautiously.
“Kiera? You’re not still mad, are you?”
I shook my head as I looked over at him. “No, I’m not mad, I’m just…” Sighing, I bit my lip. Looking nervous, he shrugged. “You’re what?” Knowing we had to have this conversation sooner or later, I gritted my teeth and inhaled. On the exhale, I calmly said, “I’m curious…about the women.”
Looking away, Kellan sighed, like he’d known this was coming.
“Kiera…you know why I use to…”
He trailed off, staring at the floor. Grabbing his cheek, I made him look back at me. “I know, Kellan. I know why, I just don’t know…how many.”
He pulled back from my fingertips, his brows pulling together. “How many? Why do you…? Why does that…?” Shaking his head, he shrugged again. “What difference does that make, Kiera?” Sighing as I stared at the floor now, I shrugged. “I don’t know why, Kellan. I guess I just want to know how many….others…I could 130
potentially run into.” I peeked back up to look at him; his brow was still furrowed. “Do you know how many there has been?” He swallowed, his eyes avoiding looking at me. “Kiera, I’m not really comfortable with…” He sighed and finally looked at me. “Can we not do this, please? Not today, not when I’m leaving tomorrow.” I sighed again, wishing I could just let it go again. But I’d let it go too many times already, and really, this was the perfect time to talk about it.
“We should have this conversation, Kellan. We should have already had it, but you and I had…different problems getting together, so this just kept getting put on the back burner. But it’s important…we need to talk about it.”
Exhaling, he shook his head. “Why? It’s ancient history. I’m not that guy anymore, Kiera. I’m not gonna be that guy again. Can’t we just ignore it?”
Cupping his cheek, I shook my head. “We can’t ignore things and have a solid relationship. And…it’s not ancient, Kellan. That girl today proves that it’s still relevant. We’re going to run into these girls over and over and I need…” I exhaled in a rush, “I just need to know what I’m up against, Kellan.”
Dropping his head he muttered, “You’re not up against anything.” I didn’t say anything and he peeked up at me, hope in his eyes that I’d drop this. When I didn’t, when I just kept silently sitting and waiting for him, my heart in my throat, he sighed and nodded. “I don’t know how many, Kiera…I’m sorry.”
Looking around the room, he leaned over and rested his elbows on his knees. “I suppose if you do the math…” He looked down at his hands.
“I’ve been having sex for about a decade, with two or three different girls a week,” he peeked up at me, guilt all over his face, “on average,” he looked back down at his hands, “so that’s….” I held my breath, already having calculated the answer. He looked up at me and blinked after he did the math. “Crap…that’s over fifteen hundred girls.” He looked back down to his hands and muttered, “That can’t be right…”