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He sucked in a quick breath, his hips under me rising off the seat. “I’m going to have to take you in this car,” he murmured back, his voice low and husky.
He was suddenly moving underneath me, trying to twist us around so he was on top. I quickly sat up before he was successful. While I felt alone out here, I knew we weren’t, and I wasn’t about to advertise what we were doing by rocking the car. He sat up on his elbows, breathless.
Splaying out his hands, he frowned. “Why did you stop?” Biting my lip and carefully moving away from his hips, I pushed his feet off the seat so I could sit comfortably. Pointing at him as menacingly as I could, I sternly said, “Because you have a rehearsal to get to, and if you blow it off again, Matt is going to kick you out of the band.” Sitting up, he wrapped his arms around me. “It’s my band, they can’t kick me out.”
He started kissing my neck and I tried not to lean into it, tried not to start panting with desire and clawing at his clothes. Pushing him back, I dug my finger into his chest. “I’m not having sex with you in the parking lot of my school.”
He glanced around, his eyes playful. “No one will notice.” Looking back at me, he raised an eyebrow. “Have you ever had sex in a car?” Blushing horribly, I tucked my hair behind my ears. “Yes, Denny and I…”
I didn’t finish that and Kellan’s playful grin faded. Releasing me, he scooted over to his side of the seat and nodded. “Oh, yeah…your road trip.” Sighing, he dug his hand in his pocket and took out his keys.
I tilted my head to see his face better, to see if he was upset or not, but I couldn’t tell from the angle. “Hey, you alright?” Smiling, he looked back at me as the car roared to life. “Yeah.” He shrugged, then grinning mischievously, he smirked. “I was just hoping to give you another first experience.” I watched his smile falter as he turned away from me. “I guess I missed my shot, though.” 113
Placing my hand on his thigh, I whispered, “There will be other firsts that you can give me, Kellan.”
Looking back at me as he put the car in reverse, he shook his head. “I know, Kiera.”
Wishing I could rewind time and not bring up an intimate moment with my ex to my current, I looked out the passenger’s side window as we drove to Kellan’s rehearsal. The guys generally met once a day to create new stuff or work out kinks in older stuff. Since it was how they made their living, they were all surprisingly dedicated to it. Well, except lately. Lately, Kellan had been blowing off rehearsals to spend some more time with me. Matt had been in a snit about it. Even though technically Kellan was right, and it was his band since he’d created it, Matt was the one that led it. He lined up the shows, he worked on marketing, he arranged rehearsals, and he demanded professionalism from the quartet of easily distracted twenty-somethings. The band was Matt’s baby.
Heading over the bridge connecting the U-District to the heart of Seattle, I watched the towering Space Needle fill my window. It was beautiful, iconic, and held a soft spot for me. Kellan had poured his heart out to me inside it. He’d opened up in ways he’d never opened up to anyone, ever. It made me incredibly sad that Kellan’s life could have been so different, if he’d just told someone about the abuse as a child. He could have been taken away, put in a loving foster home. Anything would have been preferable to his nightmare.
Looking back at him, I put my hand over his knee. He smiled at the contact, quickly glancing at me before shifting his eyes back to the road.
A small, dark part of me wondered if Kellan had only been attracted to me, stayed with me, fell in love with me, because his messed up psyche craved the pain I’d given him. Maybe he had a masochistic streak. If so, I’d certainly stoked it…over and over again. It truly was a miracle he’d ever taken me back.
Sighing, I leaned over and put my head on his shoulder. He relaxed his head against mine, his hand coming out to rest on my thigh. As the Needle
left
my
vision—tall
skyscrapers
holding
thousands
of
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businessmen and women trailing along after it—we approached the in-dustrial district. This is where Evan had his loft. It made a perfect spot to play, since he didn’t live in a residential area like Kellan and the others.
The very few neighbors that he did have, didn’t seem to mind the noise, so long as the guys didn’t play too late into the evening.
Driving past the two sports stadiums, Kellan came upon Evan’s place.
Kellan shut off the car and opened his door. He grabbed his guitar out of the back seat as I got out and waited for him near the front of the vehicle.
Thankfully the earlier squall had passed, and only the normal, light drops splashed onto our still damp bodies. When Kellan stepped beside me, his hair still attractively slicked back from the rain, he smiled and nodded over to the stairs that led up to the loft.
Evan lived above an auto body shop. The mechanics all loved it when the boys practiced during their shift. Sometimes they even asked the guys to leave the door open, so the sound would come down clearer.
And if the guys were getting together early enough in the afternoon, sometimes they would. One of the shop employees had told me once that listening to the band through the walls made going to work feel like going to a rock concert. I understood the sentiment; they constantly made my job feel that way.
One of the garage doors was open as we walked by. A man was helping to guide another person, who was backing a car out of the door, so the driver didn’t accidentally back over the massive hole in the ground where the mechanics checked out the underside of the cars. Once the car was free, the man smiled and waved at Kellan.
“Where you been, man? Matt’s gonna evict you.” Kellan rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Yeah, that’s what I hear.” The man laughed while a grease-smeared woman got out of the car she’d just parked alongside the curb. She walked up to Kellan and bumped his shoulder with her fist. “Knock ‘em dead on tour, Kell.” She sighed dramatically while I glanced up at the rain falling on us. Maybe the woman could flirt with my man inside…where it was dryer. Shaking her shaggy crop of dark hair, she frowned. “We’re gonna miss you around here. It just won’t be the same with Evan’s place empty.” 115
Kellan smiled back at her and I mentally frowned at the warmth I saw on his face. I knew Kellan had female friends, Jenny was one of them, but I instantly wondered how friendly this mechanic-girl had been with my boyfriend. I squeezed his hand tighter, subconsciously leaning into his side as he said, “I doubt that, Rox. You’ll probably not even know we’re gone.” Raising an eyebrow, Kellan leaned over to her. “Besides, it will finally be quiet enough around here for you to work on that book.” She laughed, her face brightening and I hated even more that not only were they friendly, but they knew things about each other. They even shortened the other’s names. The familiarity bothered me and a rush of jealousy threatened to sweep me away. I was already struggling to not push the woman back and step in front of Kellan, growling possessively.
I wouldn’t ever actually do that…but I was thinking it.
Finally, someone inside whistled for the two mechanics chatting with us to get back to work. They did so reluctantly, and Kellan waved goodbye. Rox, Roxie or Roxanne, whatever her full name was, looked back at Kellan before disappearing. She had an interested expression that I’d seen way too often. And she hadn’t even looked at me, like I was inconsequential. I wanted to sneer at her retreating form, maybe stick my tongue out and say, “neiner-neiner,” but I wouldn’t stoop to five-year-old behavior. Yet.
Pushing aside yet another woman wanting him, I followed him up the stairs to Evan’s. Kellan barged right through when we got to the door, feeling just at home here as he did at his own place. Matt’s eyes were on us the second we stepped through the door.
“Bout freaking time!” Matt glared at Kellan, and Rachel leaned over and whispered something in his ear. His features calmed and he relaxed a little, smiling over at where she stood by his side.
I waved at Rachel, the shy, exotic beauty, then waved behind her at Jenny sitting on Evan’s lap behind his drum set. The two of them were banging out some rhythm, Jenny giggling as Evan nuzzled her neck.
Closing the door behind us, Kellan grimaced when he met Matt’s eye.
“Sorry…things have been coming up.”
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Kellan walked us into the room. Being at Evan’s loft was almost like being at a smaller version of Pete’s. There was a tiny kitchen, a living room with one couch facing a TV, and a rumpled bed in the far corner, a dresser and nightstand beside it. The rest of the place was a stage. The guys kept their equipment here between shows. Except the stuff they kept at Pete’s, of course. Aside from Kellan’s guitar, which he chose to lug around from place to place, the guys kept a second set of instruments at Pete’s on a daily basis. It was well known in the bar that touching their stuff on stage resulted in immediate eviction from the premises.
Here at Evan’s, they had the sound equipment, Evan’s full drum set, Griffin’s bass guitar, and Matt’s guitar. With all of their instruments currently waiting for them beside plugged-in microphones, they just needed some spot lights and a couple of bouncers, and they could do a professional show from here. They were even working on enclosing the instruments with soundproof walls, so they could record themselves and release an album. They had the walls constructed, but not assembled; they were leaning uselessly against the wall behind Evan’s drums. I knew Matt really wanted to finish the project, but Bumbershoot, and now the tour, had put it on hold. I was pretty sure when they came back, it would be a top priority.
Kellan set his guitar case on a kitchen counter, propping it open. I smiled at a picture of the two of us tucked away inside the lining. As he pulled out his most prized possession, aside from his car, Griffin walked up and smacked him on the back. “Yeah, I know what’s been…up.” Twisting to face me, Griffin’s eyes locked straight onto my hips. It was horrid, having him stare at me like that, knowing that in his mind…right now…we were having sex. With my hands, I hid as much of my body as I could; his smile widened.
Finally noticing that Griffin was mentally assaulting me, Kellan frowned and smacked him across the back of the head. “Don’t eye-fuck my girlfriend, Griffin.”
Sniffing indignantly, Griffin shrugged. “What? A fella can’t daydream anymore?” Kellan rolled his eyes and walked away. Griffin turned 117
backed to me, sneering devilishly as he pointed to his head and whispered, “Later.”
I felt like taking a shower.
Quickly turning my back on Griffin, I walked over to where Rachel and Jenny had gathered. Forming a sort of band-wives club, we kneeled on the couch and leaned over the back to cheer on our men from the front row of our very private concert. Watching Kellan converse with Matt and Evan, while Griffin picked up Matt’s guitar and started rocking out like he was Slash, I sighed softly. I’d miss this when they were gone.
Rachel and Jenny both sighed right after me. Looking over at the two of them, I watched them watch their men, their loves. Jenny had been tearful when I’d met up with her after the announcement that the band was going on tour. She was excited for Evan to go, but she didn’t want to be apart from him, anymore than I wanted to be apart from Kellan. She didn’t seem worried at all about Evan straying, though. Her confidence in his faithfulness was inspiring. I wished I shared that confidence. That was something I’d had with Denny. A nearly unbreakable faith that he’d never, ever cheat on me. It was a comfort that had somehow slipped away from me once I’d cheated on him. Now, I sort of felt like anybody could do anything to anyone. It was a horrible feeling to have.
Rachel looked over at me, her deeply tanned skin looking a little pale
“I can’t believe they’re leaving Saturday.” She shook her head and shrugged. “Where did the time go?”
I sighed again, knowing I’d thought the exact same thing earlier. “I know…” I looked back to the guys. Kellan had slung his guitar across his chest and was nodding at Matt while Matt mimed guitar chords in the air. Evan watched the two, occasionally nodding. Griffin was tuning them all out, bowing to his imaginary crowd. Shaking my head, I muttered, “It seems like just yesterday that we watched them play Bumbershoot.”
Jenny sighed, sitting back on her heels. “Matt’s having a going away party at his place after their performance Friday night.” She sighed again, forlornly. “Their last performance.” 118
I swallowed as I looked over at her. Her eyes were just as glassy as mine felt. It was so hard to let people live their dreams, especially when those dreams took them thousands of miles away. Nodding, I leaned over and hugged Jenny. She hugged me back, sniffling a little. Rachel’s arms circled around the both of us and we had a moment of left-behind-girlfriend pity. It was interrupted by soft chuckling in front of us.
As we broke apart, we all looked up at Kellan, smirking as he looked down at us. “Group cuddling…and I wasn’t invited?” he asked, raising an eyebrow suggestively.
Jenny and Rachel giggled and I smacked him in the stomach. Chuckling a little harder, he grabbed my hand and pulled me across the couch into his body. I squealed, but his lips came down to mine and I instantly stopped. Forgetting that everyone was around, I closed my eyes and tangled my fingers in his drying hair.
Losing myself in the moment, I moaned a little when his tongue brushed against mine. Nervous giggles met my ear, but I somehow didn’t care. I only snapped out of it when I heard someone shout, “Hey?
We playin’…or screwing the girls?”
Kellan and I separated and both looked over at Griffin grinning mischievously. Grabbing his pants, Griffin shook his head. “I’m cool either way, I just need to know which instrument to pull out.” Kellan frowned and stood up straight. I flushed bright red and laid my head down on the couch. Jenny and Rachel laughed, Jenny’s hand sympathetically patting my back. From above, I heard Griffin being hit hard.
Smiling, I peeked my head up in time to see Griffin flip Kellan off with one hand while massaging his arm with the other. Kellan stifled a smile as he took his spot behind his microphone. Locking gazes with me, he waited while Evan tapped out an intro.
Matt and Evan started the song perfectly, their instruments filling the space around us. The room vibrated with power and energy and I giggled, loving it. Kellan smiled, watching me enjoy what he also enjoyed. Griffin joined in a few beats later, Kellan joining the fray last. With all of their sounds mixing and surging perfectly, Kellan started to sing.