“He’s probably at home now. He was working late. He says he’ll be slowing down soon.”
“Good,” my father said thoughtfully.
“Daddy, I’m not doing anything wrong. He’s here because Paige invited him. Don’t worry.”
He stiffened. “You watch your daughter lying in a hospital bed because some guy broke her heart and see if that doesn’t scare the shit out of you.”
“It was the change in temperature and you know it. It happened when I was younger, too.”
He scoffed, his sarcasm in full play as he spoke. “Because you were fighting with Paige before you went outside in the snow. It’s your emotions and the temperature change, Stella.”
“Daddy, I’ve got those under control. I won’t let them control me anymore. Reid and I are just friends,” I assured him, though my soul was screaming for the man just feet away. My father rocked me as I twisted my neck to watch him where he sat.
He loves me.
I can’t give it to you if you’re with the wrong fucking prince.
“Boo,” he said pointedly. “It’s as plain as the nose on your face. Your mother saw it, too. Anyone here can see it.”
“I haven’t seen him in years.”
“Bear, listen,” he whispered. “It’s not a good idea that he’s here.”
“Daddy, I love Nate.”
Thousands of needles pricked my chest as green eyes held me captive.
You love me, too.
“And it would mean the world to me if you would walk over there and apologize to him, because he’s an important man to both of your daughters. He’s had a really rough life and he doesn’t need to feel guilty about this.”
“Are you lecturing me?”
“I guess so,” I said with a swallow. My father narrowed his eyes.
“Sorry, Daddy, you have to admit you’re wrong. This one is on you.”
“Damn you and your memory. Do you listen to everything I say?”
“Yes,” I reported proudly.
“Fine—” he sighed “—but only after I dance with my boo bear.” I gave him a kiss on the cheek. Seeking different eyes, I noticed Reid was no longer in his chair. Desperately searching for him, I spotted him at the side entrance, his tentative stare on me dancing with my father, his hands on the metal bar at the door. I could see it all there: the regret, the apology, the decision, and the resignation.
Brad sang about laying down his life for the woman he loved as Reid dropped his gaze and pressed through the door.
I clung to my dad’s shoulders as he walked out on me for the second time.
Heart seizing, I slumped in my father’s arms my head on his shoulder.
“Boo?”
“Dance, Daddy, just dance,” I said as I cried softly into his jacket.
At our condo hours later, I watched Nate from the rocking chair we picked out together as he slept on the couch. His dark, strawberry blond hair was an utter mess from a day of running his hands through it. He was still in his work slacks and undershirt. The incredible man I loved slept soundly, his breathing even. Behind him sat three pictures of us. The first was at a UT game. I was sitting in his lap with my hands clasped around his neck. We were smiling like lunatics. The second was on Gabe’s boat. I’d just caught a huge large-mouthed bass and was holding it up proudly to the camera. Nate was behind me with his arms wrapped securely around me. The last was on New Year’s Eve just weeks ago. Nate was kissing me in a room full of people. It was a candid and it was my favorite. I sniffed as I pushed away the budding tears and felt the guilt start to gnaw at me. I knew without a doubt I’d cheated on him. The kiss on New Years that Reid left me with was nothing compared to the deceit in my heart. I loved Nate Butler. Enough to marry him and keep the life we’d built, the story we started.
And I loved Reid Crowne with a passion very few people experience in their lifetime.
There was zero contest in my heart. I’d lived without one for so long, I’d forsaken him for the other. I never felt cheated, or like I was missing anything because the choice was never mine.
Until that night.
And Reid had just flipped it upside down.
I’m right here, Stella.
I clamped my hands over my mouth as I fought the sobs. It was all wrong, so wrong. I’d kept them separate for so long, I didn’t know how to face the fact that the woman on the dance floor, ready to flee with Reid, was the same woman sitting in the chair staring at Nate.
I had sat in my SUV for a solid hour trying to muster up the courage to drive, because I wasn’t sure where I would end up.
Torn.
In love with two worthy kings, and I was queen of the damned.
“Hey,” Nate said, a lazy, sexy smile covering his face. “Baby, what you doing in that chair so far away?”
I knew if I spoke, he would hear it in my voice. I gave myself a second to breathe.
“Stella?”
“Hi,” I said through a throat full of emotion. I was so fucked.
“Hey, what’s wrong?”
“I wanted to write for the big rags, Nate.”
He sat up and looked down at the floor between us. “I know.”
“I wanted to travel when I graduated.”
“We will.”
“When?” I hated myself in that moment for thinking that I wasn’t the least bit satisfied with our life, because I was. But I could not ignore Reid’s accusations. “The paper is only going to get bigger.”
“Come here.”
I shook my head. “Am I being put on hold?”
“Hold?” he asked, running his hands through his hair.
“Yeah, until you figure out your future?”
“My future—” He squinted at me and thrust his head forward, as if he wasn’t sure what he heard. “Stella, where is this coming from?”
“I just want to know if I’m making the right decisions.”
He stood and walked over to me. “Why are you crying?”
I wiped them away with the back of my hand. “Answer me, Nate.”
His nostrils flared as he towered above me. “Is this about Paige getting married? You want a ring? If so, this is a fucked up way of asking for one.”
I rolled my eyes. “This is not about a ring. I don’t want a ring.”
“No?” Nate said sharply. “Good to know.” He walked toward the bedroom and I followed.
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Well, do you mind getting to the point? Because I’m fucking confused as to why I woke up to a crying girlfriend giving me the third degree. What happened between when you left the office and now?”
“You took a meeting,” I said rubbing my eyes.
“Jesus, Stella, I apologized. I wanted to be there.”
“You could have come after your meeting. Paige is only getting married once.” I hope. “Why didn’t you?”
He ripped the decorative pillows he hated off the bed and eyed me. “What the hell are you doing? What is this?”
I tore at my blouse, ripping it off my body and hanging my head in shame. It was me playing into Reid’s words, trying to find flaws that didn’t exist. I stripped, realizing I didn’t have panties on. They were still in Nate’s pocket. And I was still wet from Reid being so close. I was the worst woman alive. “This is poor form. I’m sorry.” In the bathroom, I threw a bath bomb in our garden tub and sank into the scalding water.
Minutes later, Nate sat at the edge of my bath, staring at me. His sculpted chest my focal point. I couldn’t meet his eyes.
“Stella, are you unhappy?” My tears came out fast and he sighed. “You are.”
“No,” I croaked. “No, I swear, Nate, you make me so happy. I’m so sorry. Just ignore me, I’m just . . . tired.”
Three years of I love yous, of smiles, of nights twisted in the sheets. Three years of sharing dinner off our forks, sharing papers, being his right side. Every one of them happy, our biggest fights over the remote. Three years flashed like shiny spilled pennies all over the floor between us.
“I love you,” I whispered.
You love me, too.
I cringed, terrified Nate would see. I looked up reluctantly.
Nate’s eyes penetrated mine. “Tell me.”
“It’s been the longest day of my life.”
He ripped the towel off the rack behind him and held it out. “Come on,” he said. I cupped some water over my face and shook my head. “Just ignore me. Nate, okay? Bad day. Bad everything.”