“Oh, this is ridiculous.”
“No, what’s ridiculous is you won’t even listen to what I have to say. You refuse to try to see how hard I’ve fucking worked to get straight. I went to counseling. I kept my promise to you, and I’ve sat back and respected your wishes when it comes to him, but no more. You belong with me.”
I guffawed. “Practicing abstinence, too, Crowne?”
“Fuck no,” he said. “But say the word, Stella, and I’m yours, and you’re mine, and we end this fucking charade.”
“My life is not a charade.”
“Where is he when it’s important, like tonight?”
“Don’t you dare judge him, ever. He’s the best man I know. And who in hell are you to talk? When it’s important? Are you serious? He’s been there for the last three years. Where were you?”
“In here,” he said, pressing his fingers to my temple before placing his burning hand to my chest, “and in here.” His palm seared me. “And working my ass off to get to this moment. To this. Right now.”
“I love him.”
“You love me, too, and I’ve been robbed long enough.”
“Oh? Have you now? You’re finally ready for Stella?” I scoffed. “Ship has sailed, Reid. Get out of my way.”
In a flash, I was pinned to the door, his hands holding my wrists, his eyes unforgiving. “I love you.”
“No.” It was a throaty whisper.
“I love you. And I miss you, Stella. And that’s not going to change.”
“Stop it,” I said, fighting his hold on my wrists.
“I miss hearing your dreams when you wake up. I miss spending nights just talking in our bed. Simple shit I would never take for granted again, as long as I got to do it with you. You’re all I think about. I haven’t slept a full night since you left my bed. Everything I’ve done since the minute I left Austin has been about getting back to you a better man. A man more capable of giving you what you deserve. I’m there. I’ve been there for a while, and it’s time you knew. And today and every day after is about getting you back. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t wait anymore. I don’t want to, Stella. It’s our time.”
I bit my trembling lips.
“Stella, you haven’t forgotten. I see everything by just looking at you.”
“I’m with Nate.”
“Be with me,” he pressed. “You got me off my knees, Stella. Living with you, even in that shitty apartment, was the best time of my life. I don’t want to sleep another night without you.”
“Reid—”
His jaw ticked. “He’s going to ask you to marry him, if he’s smart. Don’t say yes.”
“Are you crazy?”
“Worse.”
“What is worse?”
“In love.” He dipped to kiss me, and I moved my lips away. He cursed and bit his lip, staring down at me, his frustration palpable. Exasperated, he took a step back. “Fine, I’ll play fair, but I’m playing. I want you back. I want you in my life.”
“You’re about to tour the world, Crowne. Just how do you propose to make that happen?”
Reid looked at me stunned, as if he’d just remembered he was about to play on five other continents. “Fuck!”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, there is that small rock ‘n’ roll thing.”
“Come with me,” he said softly. “Stella, I’ll give anything for seven more minutes. But I want all of them. You said I could have them all.”
“This was your plan? To drag me into an interview and then lure me into your life with an I love you?”
“It’s been three years and you haven’t chosen him.”
“I have,” I said with a leaden voice.
“No, you want to, but you can’t. There’s a reason, Stella, and it’s me.”
“We have a life together. I’m happy with Nate.”
“But something’s missing,” he said, forcing me to look his way. “You wonder what it would be like if we were together, if we had gone further. You still want the fairytale, but it’s mine to give you, and I can’t give it to you if you’re with the wrong fucking prince.”
“I’m not,” I said breathlessly.
“Stella, we aren’t finished and you know it. You’ve always known it.”
“Why are you doing this? We don’t know each other anymore.”
“I know you aren’t yourself, not the version you want to be. This housewives shit is only going to take you so far, and then what?”
“I grew up, my dreams changed.”
“To match his,” he retorted confidently. “Don’t marry him, Stella. You don’t belong to him. I scare you and that’s good. Do it scared, remember? You were always so quick to believe in me without reason. I’ll give you as many as you need. I’m right here, Stella.”
His words struck deep as I gasped out his name. “Please, don’t.”
“I love you,” he said, releasing me before he slid his thumb across my bottom lip. “I think about you every time I play. Every single day, I take you with me wherever I go.”
Anger and hurt surged through me as I shook my head. “You don’t get to do this. You don’t get to come here after years—”
“I couldn’t make promises then, Stella. I had nothing—less than nothing—and inside I felt like I was constantly on the spin cycle. I couldn’t stop spiraling. I couldn’t tell you this then. You were scared enough just starting out, and I was so damn desperate.”
It was the truth. He had been in no position to offer me anything but the day we lived in. He had been hanging on by a thread then. It was one of the reasons I could never fully hate him for leaving. Probably one of the reasons why I never stopped loving him.
“I remember.”
He leaned in on a whisper. “That first night you came over and washed my hair? Do you remember that?”
“Yes,” I said as hot tears streaked my cheeks.
He thumbed them away, his hands cupping my face, and waited for my eyes. “I was about to end it.”
He leaned in slowly, so slowly, and brushed his lips against mine. “You saved my life that night just by showing up.”
I burst into tears beneath the weight of his confession before he pulled me into his arms.
“It’s okay, Stella,” he whispered with warm breath in my ear. “I had to get straight. And no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t fix it.”
“I was so worried,” I said against his chest. “Every single day I worried. Especially when you left.”
“I know,” he said regretfully, “and I’m sorry you went through that. Stella,” he said in a breathy whisper, “you thought you weren’t enough, but that was just it. You were enough to make me want to try to figure it out. You were enough to make me want to get better, feel better, and eventually want more. You saved every part of me. The parts I thought were empty, you filled up. The parts I thought were lost, you brought them back to me.”
I lay my head over his heart as he gripped my arms.
“I can make those promises now, Stella. All of them. Any you need to hear.”
“Reid,” I said as I shook in his hold. Green eyes of fire searched mine. “Just once, say everything you want to say to me. Just this once.”
“I can’t do this,” I said truthfully. “I can’t. It was never a choice.”
“It is now,” he said, resolute.
“That’s not fair.”
He released me and clenched his fists. “Don’t tell me about fair when I have to stand back while some other man touches you, fucks you, sleeps with you, holds you. Don’t tell me about fair, Stella. I had to get my shit together. I’ve done the work. I deserve you, too, goddammit,” he said through clenched teeth. “I deserve to be as happy as the next guy. It took me a while to realize I deserve you. Too long, but it’s not too late.” He leaned in on a heated whisper, my body firing off in response. “I want you. I want inside of you Stella, where I belong. Do you remember how it felt? How I felt?”
His breath tickled my neck as he pressed his body to mine.
“How we fit?”
White-hot heat slid between my legs. “Stop,” I said, my pulse skyrocketing as I hissed out a needy breath. “Don’t.”
“Please end this shit. Stop punishing me.”
“I’m not punishing you.” I pushed at his chest, giving myself some distance. We were too close to not being able to take it back.