“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” I can’t stop giggling. I think it’s hope bubbling out of me. “We’re really gonna be okay, aren’t we?”
He nods. “Yeah, babe. We’re really gonna be fine. You and me and our baby.”
I turn in his arms and lift onto my toes to nuzzle my face into his neck and breathe in the clean soap-and-water scent of him. I promise myself this is all I need. We’re going to be okay. A family. And these things I feel for Levi will go away. They have to.
“Hey.” He pulls back, dipping his head to bring himself face to face with me and wiping the tears from my cheeks. “This was supposed to make you happy, not sad.”
“I am happy. Just a little emotional.”
“Dinner should be ready. I put all the shit in the Crock-Pot like we used to do—remember that? Are you hungry?”
I nod. “I’m starving.”
I follow him into the kitchen. He’s already set the table, and he waves for me to sit while he pulls the roast from the slow cooker.
His phone rings, and he pulls it from his pocket and puts it to his ear. “Hey, what’s up?” His eyes cut to me, then back to the food before he murmurs, “How the fuck should I know?”
Seconds pass.
“I’m telling you, he’s just trying to screw with us.”
What the hell is he talking about?
“No. No, we shouldn’t . . . Jesus. I’m not going to talk about this right now. Ellie and I are about to have dinner.” His jaw hardens as he listens. “Maybe never.” He pulls the phone from his ear and taps the screen before dropping it on the counter.
“Who was that?”
“Molly. She’s worried because our father is still missing. She’s worried something has happened to him.” Anger simmers under his words.
“Aren’t you a little worried too?” I ask.
“Not really. He’s an asshole who’d be doing us all a favor if he just disappeared.”
My stomach knots. Something feels off about all this. “What aren’t you telling me?” I want to say, What does Molly know that I don’t? But it sounds so petty, as if this is just about jealousy and not about a missing man.
“Don’t worry about it,” Colton says. He meets my eyes, and his are stony. The joy I saw there when I walked in the door tonight and when he showed me the nursery is all gone, replaced with that brooding irritation I’ve come to know too intimately.
I take a breath. On the one hand, if I want a life with Colton, I need to accept that his moods can be like this—swinging wildly from one extreme to the other. On the other hand, if he wants a life with me, he’s going to have to let me in. “I feel like you’re keeping something from me, and I don’t like it.”
“Oh, so we’re going to tell each other our secrets now? Does that mean you’re going to tell me about what you did with Levi?”
I need to tell him about Levi, but doing so when he’s in this mood is dangerous. “I don’t want to talk about it tonight.”
“Well, I do. Tell me. I deserve to know what my future wife did with my best friend.”
“I thought it was over between us. You walked out the door!”
“Okay, so I screwed up. Now do you want to talk about how easy it was for you to crawl into his bed?” His eyes blaze as he stalks toward me. “How is he? I bet you wanted him for years. God knows he wanted you. Was he worth the wait?”
“Fuck you.”
He reaches out and grabs my wrist. “Sure. Not getting enough from Levi?”
I yank my arm from his grasp and back away. “Jesus, Colton. What’s wrong with you?”
“I’m pissed. I love you and I want you and I’m willing to move past it, but if we’re going to talk about the shit I did, let’s talk about the shit you did, too.” His chest puffs with anger. “Let’s talk about you and Levi, and how you ran to him the second you had an excuse. Did you cry on his shoulder over how I’d wronged you before you banged him? Or did you skip that formality and spread your legs for my best friend at the first available opportunity?”
“You’re a piece of trash.” I’m shaking. Holy shit. I’m shaking so hard, and I can’t decide if I want to run away or pound on his chest and scream at him. “I won’t put up with it. I won’t let you treat me like this.”
“I know.” His fists clench in front of him, and then he spins and leans his head against the wall, thunking it softly. “Fuck it. I know.”
“So stop.” My vision’s blurry with tears. I turn him and take his face in my hands, waiting until he meets my eyes. “I slept with Levi. We did it. And I can’t take that back.”
“You’re mine, okay?”
There’s that word again. I might have his ring on my finger, but I don’t belong to Colton. That’s a gift you give to someone you trust, and I haven’t trusted him enough for that in a long time.
“Mine,” he repeats. “Don’t forget that again. I’ll lose my mind if you forget that again.”
“You can’t own a person, Colton. I don’t want you to try to own me or keep me. I want you to hold space for me. We’re doing this. We’re together again, and we’re going to work on this. But we’re sure as fuck not good, and there’s a lot of work to be done.”
He throws up his hands. “What the fuck? I can’t win with you, Ellie.”
“Don’t yell at me.”
“You see this, though, right? You see that I spent my whole fucking day trying to do something nice for you, trying to prove that I can be who you need me to be. And instead of just being grateful, you’re giving me the third degree over a stupid phone call.”
“And instead of telling me there’s nothing to worry about, you’re screaming at me for asking a question.”
He snaps his mouth shut and turns back to the kitchen to finish his task of transferring dinner into the serving dish. When he’s done, he quietly walks toward me and slides it onto the table. “Enjoy your dinner,” he snaps.
“Where are you going?”
He’s already walking away from me. “I need to get out of here.”
I close my eyes and listen to the thud of his footsteps as they head out the door. If we’re going to make this work, we’re going to need to fix up a whole lot more than the nursery.
Ellie
Sunday, October 28th
When Levi pulls into the driveway, I head to the front door to climb into his truck, but he and Molly climb out and are halfway to the porch before I can even get the alarm disabled.
As I pull the door open, Molly wraps her arms around her chest. “Hey.” Her eyes are red and her face is drawn tight. “I saw Levi at Brayden’s and he was on his way over here. I hope it’s okay that I came.”
“Molly wants to talk to us,” Levi says, ushering Molly into the house before I can reply.
I blink at her, my stomach churning with horror.
“Since it started when she was ten, I think it’s fair to say it was a nonconsensual, fucked-up relationship from the start.”
“Oh, Molly.” I press my hand to my mouth. “I’m so sorry.”
She gives me a wobbly smile. “No offense, but I think I preferred your unfair anger over your pity.”
“I . . .” I turn to Levi, then back to her. “I’m sorry. I won’t say anything. I . . .”
“It’s okay,” she says. “You can talk about it. I’m done with secrets.”
I close my eyes as my brain clicks the pieces into place. Molly told Colton the truth about her son’s father, and Colton spiraled out of control, then Nelson went missing. And now they have evidence. “What did he do? What did Colton do to Nelson?”
Her hand shakes as she lifts it to her face. “I don’t know. I never wanted Colton to hurt him. I swear to you, Ellie, I just wanted to come home. To be close enough to my mom that she could watch her grandson grow up. I wanted that without having to see Nelson. I just wanted to live my life without being afraid.”
I wave to the couch. “Sit down. Tell me everything.”