“I’m not yours.”
“Is that a yes?” He grazes his knuckles down my side. “Fuck, I miss you. I miss this body.” He buries his nose into the crook of my neck, and my mind flashes with a thousand memories of times he’s done this before, the way I always felt safer in his arms. Wanted and cherished. “I miss the way you smell, and the way you scream when I make you come.”
Maybe I shouldn’t let him touch me. Maybe I should lunge out of his arms. Instead, I stay perfectly still, too afraid this might all be a dream to risk jarring myself awake. I was terrified he might be dead somewhere, but he’s here, the heat of his body proving he’s very much alive. Thank you, God.
“Does he know how you like to be touched?”
I squeeze my eyes shut. “Colton, don’t.”
“He’s wanted you from the beginning, and now he finally has you.”
Does he have me? Because it feels like Levi and I are dancing around each other, marking time until I remember more. I wish I could see Colton’s face. I want to see the life in his eyes, to reassure myself that this isn’t some bizarre hallucination brought on by my injuries. But I can’t deny that even as I stand here in Colton’s arms, my mind, body, and soul tell me I belong with Levi.
I’m so sorry, Colton. But I can’t say it, can’t explain, so I say, “Everyone is looking for you. Why are you hiding?”
He tenses behind me. “Because it’s not safe.” His voice is rough—the sound moving like gritty sandpaper over the delicate sounds of the lake. “But it will be soon. I just have to figure out who hurt you.”
“You don’t know?”
“I’m working on it. I don’t want you to stay with Levi, but you should anyway. He’ll protect you. Don’t trust anyone else. And when I can come home, I’ll win you back.” The hand on my side slides around to my stomach, and I wonder if he’ll catch the broken pieces of my heart. “I’ll earn the life we planned together.”
Ellie
Sunday, August 26th
“Penny for your thoughts?”
I’m curled up on my couch. I haven’t moved since Colton walked out the door. I’m not sure I’ve breathed, except that I’m still here, still conscious, still wondering if I missed the moment my life went so completely off the rails. Either I’m still breathing or I’m in purgatory.
I blink up at Ava. I have no idea how long I’ve been staring off into space. “What time is it?”
“Just after one.” She walks toward me tentatively then slides a big white box onto the couch beside me. “Are you okay?”
I shake my head. “Not really.”
“Did you and Colton talk at all?”
I graze my fingers across my faux-fur throw pillow and watch the short strands part and then bounce back together. I can’t look at Ava. Right now, she has torn loyalties. Sure, she’s my best friend, but she’s Colton’s sister. I’m pretty sure sister trumps friend.
“Did he tell you anything?” she asks.
I pull my knees to my chest and rest my forehead against them.
“Ellie?”
I lift my head and look at her. “I saw him with Molly last night.”
“I know you did. Levi told me at breakfast, but just because they were together doesn’t mean they’re having an affair.”
“You think they were just talking about Noah? About his kid?”
She blinks at me, and my stomach sinks into the carpet. She knew. Ava knew Noah was Colton’s, and she didn’t tell me.
“What can I do? How can I help?” Her eyes glisten with tears when she looks at me.
“Any chance you can rewind time so I don’t get pregnant?”
“Don’t say that.” She puts her hand on top of mine, and I pull mine away. “Everything else might be crazy, but this baby is a gift.”
“Even if its father won’t be around? Even if I’m going to struggle to provide the most basic things?”
“We’ll figure it out. Together. I promise you, I’ll stay by your side if you’ll let me. You just have to tell Colton. It’s not fair to keep this secret.”
“Like Molly kept Noah a secret from him? Like you two kept Noah a secret from me?”
She bites her lip. “I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you. It wasn’t my secret to tell.”
“You knew there was an undetonated bomb sitting in the middle of my world, and you didn’t tell me because it wasn’t yours to tell?”
She nudges the box toward me. “I brought a peace offering.” When I don’t reach for the box, she opens it. “I always go see Star when I’m having a bad day, but after what I heard about last night, I thought . . .”
“That is a shit-ton of donuts.”
“It’s the only way I know how to apologize,” she says softly. “Flowers are nice, but they don’t change anything. But these . . .” She waves to the box in front of her. “It’s like they’re full of hope and possibility.”
“I think you mean sugar,” I say, but my mouth is quirking into a smile. Despite the secret she kept, I’m lucky to have Ava. She’s my very best friend in the world, and while she might be completely na?ve when it comes to her brother, I’d have to be an idiot to push her away from me.
“I’m sorry,” she says. “I thought I was doing the right thing. When I found out you were pregnant, I should have told you about Noah or made Molly tell you or something. I was surrounded by secrets—your pregnancy, Molly’s child. I didn’t know what to do.” Her brow creases. “I can’t handle you being mad at me.”
“It’s not your fault, Ava. We all have secrets and we’re all a little screwed up, but it’s not your fault.”
“You forgive me?”
“Of course I do. I’m just having a really shitty weekend.” I keep my gaze on the donuts so I don’t have to meet her eyes. My stomach’s a little off this morning, so I pick a plain glazed one instead of one of Star’s richer chocolate ganache specialties.
“What’s up with the trash bags?” she asks.
“That’s Colton’s stuff. I kicked him out this morning. He left without it and hasn’t come back. He’s avoiding my calls, so . . .” I shrug, as if it’s nothing, as if needing to tell Colton that I’m pregnant with his child is no big deal. “He was pissed, but I . . .” Tears spring to my eyes again.
“I’m sorry he’s an idiot. You’re my person, okay? Don’t forget that. No matter what happens between you and Colt.”
“Thank you,” I say. “I needed to hear that right now.”
Her phone rings. She fishes it from her purse and swipes it to answer before holding it to her ear. “Hello?”
I nibble at my donut and stare longingly toward the kitchen and my unused coffee pot. I drank half a cup at Jake’s this morning, so I can’t have any more. No caffeine, no alcohol, and all the hormones. Pregnancy is surely testing me.
“Hi, Jill,” Ava says. She frowns and looks at her watch. “That is weird. Have you tried his cell?”
“Is everything okay?” I whisper.
Ava turns up a palm and makes a face. “Sure. That makes sense. I can call him too. . . Okay. Yeah. I’ll call you if I hear from him. Thanks. You too.” She taps her phone to end the call then taps on it a couple more times before bringing it back to her ear. “Dad didn’t come home last night, and he’s not answering Jill’s calls.”
I hear the single ring before it clicks over to voicemail.
“Dad, it’s Ava. Call me when you get this, okay?” She ends the call and slides her phone back into her purse as she worries her bottom lip between her teeth.
“Do you think he’s okay?”
“Jill said it’s not the first time this has happened. He likes to drink, you know, so sometimes . . .” Ava shakes her head. “She’s worried. I can’t blame her, but I’m sure he’s fine.” She grabs a salted caramel donut from the box.