11.01 p.m. <@JoneseyBJ @_Sunnysmile Here one spreads joy & positive energy by tweeting. Rather like birds do.>
11.07 p.m. <@JoneseyBJ ‘They toil not, neither do they tweet.’ Hmm. No, they do tweet though. Thasu point with birds.>
11.08 p.m. <@JoneseyBJ Anyway f*** em. Stupid birds flapping around tweeting all over s place. Oh oh look at me! I’m a bird!>
11.15 p.m. <@JoneseyBJ Hate birds. Look at that movie ‘The Birds’! Birds can turn MAN-EATING.>
11.16 p.m. <@JoneseyBJ Peecking people’s eyes out with 60s hairdos. Vicious nasty birds.>
11.30 p.m. <@JoneseyBJ 85 followess gone waway. Why? Why’wasi hwohave I don? comebac!k>
<@JoneseyBJ Noo! Follwers draining away as if through sieve.>
<@JoneseyBJ Nooo! Hate bireds Hatetweetings Hate drainqine away follwoers. An goingsoto bed!>
TWUNKEN AFTERMATH
Friday 11 January 2013
Twitter followers lost 551, Twitter followers remaining 101, number of words of screenplay written 0.
6.35 a.m. Will just check my Twi— Gaaah! Just remembered twunking incoherent drunken rant last night, slagging off birds for no reason to hundreds of complete strangers. Oh God. Have clouting hangover and have got to do school run. Oh, is OK because Chloe is doing school run. Am going back to sleep.
10 a.m. Look, this can be salvaged, like any other PR disaster. With exception, possibly, of current Lance Armstrong PR disaster.
10.15 a.m. Right. The Leaves in His Hair. Must get on.
11.15 a.m. Actually, maybe I could have a career in PR! Oh, shit, is 11.15, must get on with screenplay. First, though, clearly I quickly need to make a full and frank Twitter apology to my few remaining followers.
<@JoneseyBJ Very sorry re #twunk last night re birds.>
11.16 a.m. <@JoneseyBJ Birds delight our ears and eyes with their feathers and song! And control worms. Leave birds alone!>
11.45 a.m. Maybe will just throw in quote from Dalai Lama for good measure:
<@JoneseyBJ Just as a snake sheds its skin so we can shed our past and begin anew. (@DalaiLama)>
9.15 p.m. Right. Children are asleep. Am going to get back on Twitter.
9.16 p.m. OMG. Tweet from @_Roxster! Yesss! At least Roxster has not left in disgust.
<@_Roxster @JoneseyBJ @DalaiLama Once the hangover has cleared? Do you realize you’ve been singled out in a #Twunk thread?>
9.17 p.m. Oh God. Everyone is ridiculing me and retweeting my drunken birds tweet. Must try and do damage control.
<@JoneseyBJ #twunkbirds Look, sorry, I really wish I hadn’t – what is the past tense of tweet? Tweeted? Twittered?>
<@_Roxster @JoneseyBJ I believe the appropriate term is ‘Twat’.>
<@JoneseyBJ @_Roxster Are you being grammatical or rude?>
<@_Roxster @JoneseyBJ The former *pretentious voice*: from the Latin, Twitto, Twittarse, Twittat.>
He’s funny. And pic is handsome. And young-looking. I wonder who he is?
<@JoneseyBJ @_Roxster Roxster, if you carry on like this, your 103 remaining Twitterati will be demanding sick bags.>
<@_Roxster @JoneseyBJ Why? Are they all hung-over because they too were twunking about birds last night?>
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Cheeky young whippersnapper.
<@JoneseyBJ @_Roxster Please stop being so impertinent, or I shall have to tweak you.>
<@_Roxster @JoneseyBJ Tweak or tweet? Best not the latter. You’ve just lost 48 more followers.>
<@JoneseyBJ @_Roxster Oh no! They think I’m a really neurotic Twitterer and fat.>
<@_Roxster @JoneseyBJ Did you just say ‘and fart’?>
<@JoneseyBJ @_Roxster No, Roxster, I said ‘and fat’. You seem unhealthily obsessed with farting and vomiting.>
Roxster just retweeted me from one of his followers: <@Raef_P @Rory See you in five, yar? Outside the Fartage?> adding:
<@_Roxster @JoneseyBJ Posh bastards are skiing in France.>
<@JoneseyBJ @_Roxster But what is Fartage?>
<@_Roxster @JoneseyBJ Waxing.>
10 p.m. Waxing? France? Suddenly have lurching fear that Roxster is not a cute younger man who finds me entertaining, but gay, and is drawn to me and Talitha as tragic ironic ruined drag acts, like Lily Savage.