<Have found room on river in Oxfordshire.>
<You’re ver, ver clever, darling. Do they do Full English Breakfast?>
<Yes. But just one thing.>
<What? It’s not either/or with the bacon and sausages?>
<No. But . . . I’m going to have to say it quickly. It’s the Bridal Suite.>
<I knew it. That’s what you wanted all along. Do they definitely do Full English?>
<*Sighs* Yes, Roxster, they do.>
<So train to Oxford. Get married quickly in Oxford. Then taxi to the pub?>
<Yup.>
<I’ll get a ring at lunchtime when I pop out for my sandwich.>
<Shhh. I’m on Net-a-Porter. Dresses: bridal.>
10.45 a.m. No reply. Oh God. Maybe he thinks I’m serious?
<So what do you think?> I braved.
Then decided to give him a way out in case he really just wanted a relaxing setting for the full break-up.
<Or we could just go somewhere close and do a day trip?> Held my breath . . .
<I say full-on mini-break, Jonesey. I’m fantasizing about it already.>
<Am I in the fantasies at all, or just the food?>
<*Googling menu* Of course you are, my little chicken and mushroom puffball.>
11 a.m. Feeling suddenly light and giddy, I booked the room and texted: <I just called them and they said you do actually have to take a marriage certificate.>
Long pause, then . . .
<You’re joking, right?>
<Roxster, you are so easy to wind up.>
MINI-BREAK OR BREAK-UP?
Saturday 8 June 2013
Texting has been more high-spirited than ever with Roxby McDuff, full of plans for our trip, so maybe it was just a wobble brought on by the Ellen Boschup toy-boy article, and he is in the Present Moment and everything is all right.
But anyway had better finish packing or will miss train. Ooh, text from Roxster.
<Jonesey?>
Was he going to cancel?
<Yes, Roxster?> I texted nervously.
<*On one knee* Will you be my wife?>
Stared at the phone. What was going on?
<Roxster, is this to do with the food in the prenup?>
<It says I’m due a Full English with eggs, bacon, mushrooms and flambeed sausages every Sunday. Marry me?>
Thought carefully, then, suspecting a trick, I texted:
<The thing is, if we get married, won’t that somehow seem like I’m getting too serious?>
<Dunno. I was only thinking about the food.>
Sunday 9 June 2013
Mini-breaks 1, shags 7, alcohol units 17, calories 15,892, weight 193lb (including, feels like, 60lb small animal).
Mini-break was heaven. It was ambrosia. We carried on the marriage joke all weekend. It was balmy, sunny weather and it was blissful being away from the noise and to-do lists. Roxster was at his most cheerful and merry. The pub was tiny, in a hidden valley by a little river. The Bridal Suite was in a separate barn, painted white, with a sloping ceiling and rough wooden beams, and windows on two sides, one side looking straight onto the river and, beyond, a water meadow. Tried to block out memories of Bridal Suite for my real wedding with Mark. But started laughing when Roxster carried me over the threshold, pretending to stagger under the weight, and flung me on the bed.