Though really ought to find somewhere other than Starbucks that does ham-and-cheese paninis in protest at whole tax-avoidance thing, though maybe irrelevant as world about to end anyway.
2.30 p.m. Mmm. Feel much jollier about everything, now am in world full of people and coffee and ham-and-cheese paninis all huddling together cosy from the cold. The weird unnatural snow has stopped and everything seems normal again. Honestly! Getting in such a stew about everything. Think will text Roxster. I mean, I haven’t texted him since Sunday night either, have I?
<Did you know there are 493 calories in a Ham and Cheese panini?>
Roxster: <Busy morning, baby?>
Me: <*Types* Roxster’s beefy shoulders glistened in the dappling sunlight like, like . . . beefy shoulders.>
Roxster: <Have you turned to writing Mills & Boon, my precious?>
Me: <*Calmly continues typing* An enormous fart emerged from his bum, which quivered in the blossom-scented air. . .>
Roxster has not replied. Ooh, text.
Was Jude.
<Am on 7th date with Wildlifephotographerman. Does this mean we are going out?>
Texted back: <Yes! You’ve really earned it. You go, girl!> which wasn’t the sort of expression I usually use, but never mind.
2.55 p.m. Still Roxster has not replied. Hate this. Am so confused. And have to pick kids up in half an hour and be all cheerful. OK, have a few minutes to deal with Sports Day emails.
Sender: Nicolette Martinez
Subject: Sports Day Picnic
Sent from my Sony Ericsson Xperia Mini Pro
We need picnic items for boys/parents for our class. I’ve filled in the parents who have already volunteered. Juices: Dagmar
Sliced carrots, radishes and peppers (red and yellow): ?
Sandwiches: Atsuko Fujimoto
Crisps: Devora
Water: ???
Fruits: ??
Melon balls and strawberries: ?
Cookies (no nuts please!): Valencia
Black bin liners: Scheherazade
Let us know what you plan to bring.
Thank you.
Please let’s all bring picnic blankets if we have them.
Thanks, Nicolette
Sender: Vladlina Koutznestov
Subject: Re: Sports Day Picnic
I’ll bring fruits – probably some berries and cut-up melons.
Sender: Anzhelika Sans Souci
Subject: Re: Sports Day Picnic
I’ll bring sliced carrots, and radishes. Could someone else do red and yellow peppers?
Anzhelika
PS Should someone bring paper cups?
Farzia, Bikram’s mum, just forwarded me an email she’d – in a moment of utter madness – sent to Nicolette.
Sender: Farzia Seth
Subject: Re: Sports Day Picnic
Do you think we all need picnic blankets – won’t a few between us be fine?
And the one she’d got back from Nicolette, with a note from Farzia saying, ‘Shoot me now!’
Sender: Nicolette Martinez
Subject: Re: Sports Day Picnic
Definitely not. We should all bring picnic blankets. With two boys at the school, I do have some experience of this!
Light-headed and devil-may-care now, I emailed Farzia ‘Watch this’ and sent:
Sender: Bridget Billymum
Subject: Re: Sports Day Picnic
I’ll bring the vodka. We drink it neat without mixers, all agreed?
Group email came instantly back.
Sender: Nicolette Martinez
Subject: Re: Sports Day Picnic
Vodka is NOT a good idea at Sports Day, Bridget. Or cigarettes. Could you manage the red and yellow peppers? Possibly? In strips so they’ll work with the dips? It is actually quite a difficult job organizing the Sports Day Picnic.
Oh, shit. In the middle of it all suddenly saw email from Imogen at Greenlight.
Sender: Imogen Faraday, Greenlight Productions
Subject: Ambergris’s Notes
Dear Bridget,
Just checking that you got the notes from Ambergris on the script for tomorrow’s meeting to meet Saffron. Could you confirm that you can be at the meeting to give your notes on Ambergris’s notes for Saffron?
Hope you’re not about to slash your wrists, because I am.
Imogen x
What meeting? What notes? Who is ‘Saffron’?