Felix began composing a response, typing How is it and then deleting How and typing Is it your, and then he stopped. For a time he sat staring into the low burning embers in the grate, which cast a deep burnished glow over his face and clothes. Eventually he rose from the couch and left the room. The hallway outside was bright and he stood at the staircase with his brow knitted, as if letting his eyes adjust. In the kitchen, Alice was laughing, and saying aloud: Oh, I wouldn’t let a little detail like that bother me. He walked down the hall and stopped in the open doorway. Inside, Alice was looking in the
fridge, her back turned to him. The light of the fridge formed a white rectangular frame around her body. She was holding her phone to her ear with one hand and propping the door of the fridge open with the other. Perhaps unconsciously imitating her gesture, Felix placed his right hand on the jamb of the kitchen doorway, watching her, saying nothing. She continued laughing. Send pictures, will you? she said. She let the fridge door swing shut and walked over to the sink. In front of her, the black kitchen window reflected the lighted interior of the room. Glancing up then, she caught sight of Felix standing behind her. Without surprise, she said into the phone: I’m going to hang up on you now because someone’s just come in, but I’ll see you next week, won’t I? Felix stood there, no longer watching her but staring down at the floor. I like to keep you guessing, Alice said into the phone. Talk to you soon, goodnight. She left her phone down on the countertop and turned to face Felix. Without looking up, he cleared his throat and said: Sorry about that. I’ve been working weird hours, obviously I was more tired than I thought. She told him not to worry about it. He moved his jaw a little, nodding. She faced him a moment longer and then, when he still did not look at her, she turned away, wrapping up a loaf of bread.
Did you have a long day at work? she asked.
As if straining to sound amused, he replied: They all feel long in that place.
Now that her back was turned, he had started to watch her again. She emptied some crusts of bread from a small white plate into the pedal bin.
Who was that on the phone? he asked.
Oh, just a friend of mine.
Your friend Eileen?
No, she said. It’s funny, Eileen and I never talk on the phone. No, it was a friend of mine called Daniel, I don’t think I’ve mentioned him before. He lives in London, he’s a writer.
Felix went on nodding to himself. I’d say you have a lot of writer friends, do you? he asked.
A few.
He lingered in the doorway, rubbing his left eyelid roughly with his fingertips. Alice took a cloth from the sink and wiped down the surface of the kitchen table.
Sorry I never texted you back during the week there, he said.
It’s alright, don’t worry about it.
I had a good time with you in Italy, I feel bad if you thought I didn’t.
That’s okay, she said. I had a good time too.
He swallowed and put his hand back down into his pocket. Can I stay the night here? he asked. I think I’m actually too out of it to drive home. I can sleep on the couch if you want.
Putting the cloth back in the sink, she said she would make up one of the beds. He looked down at the floor. She came to stand in front of him, and said in a kindly tone of voice: Felix, are you okay? He gave a half-smile. Yeah, I’m sound, he said. Just tired.
Finally he met her eyes and said: You don’t want to sleep together, do you? It’s alright
if you’ve gone off the idea, I know I was a bit of a prick about it. She looked back at him, her eyes moving over his face. I did feel foolish when I didn’t hear from you, she said. Can you understand why I felt that way or do you think I’m being crazy?
Apparently uncomfortable now, he said he didn’t think she was being crazy, and that he had meant to reply to her message, but time had passed and he had started to feel awkward about it. He was kneading his shoulder under his hand. Look, I’ll go, he said. I can drive, I’m grand. I never had that glass of wine in the end anyway. Sorry I interrupted your phone call there, you can ring your friend back if you want.
I’d prefer if you stayed, she said. With me, if that’s what you’d like. I don’t mind.
You don’t mind, or you want me to?
I want you to. Although if you ghost me again afterwards, I might start to suspect you actually hate me.
He looked pleased then, and released his shoulder from under the grip of his hand. No, I’ll remember my manners, he said. You’ll get a nice normal message tomorrow saying I enjoyed myself.
With an arch look, she replied: Oh, is that the normal thing?
Well, the last person I was with, I never did message her. I think she might be annoyed with me about it, I’m not sure.
Maybe you should try showing up at her house out of the blue and then falling asleep on her couch for two hours.
He put his hand on his chest, as if wounded. Alice, he said. Don’t savage me. I’m embarrassed about that. Come here.
She went to him and he kissed her. He moved his hands over her body and she sighed softly. His phone started to vibrate in his pocket, the droning noise of an incoming call.
Do you want to get that? she said. No, he replied, it’s alright, I’ll knock it off.
Removing his phone from his pocket, he tapped a button to reject a phone call from Damian’s number, and went on: Do you know what I really feel like doing? I want to go up and lie on your bed and you tell me all what you did during the week. Alice said that sounded very innocent. Well, I can take your clothes off while you’re talking, he said, how about that? She flushed then, touched her lip, and said: If you like. He watched her with a kind of mischievous amusement. Am I making you blush saying that? he asked. I wouldn’t mind, but you’re the one who writes filthy books for a living. She said her books were not filthy, and he said he had read on the internet that they were. And I know you don’t get embarrassed talking about sex in public, because I’ve seen you, he said. Up there on stage when we were in Rome, you were talking about it. Alice said that was different, because it was not personal, only abstract. He studied her for a moment. Can I ask, he said, are you going over to London this week, or is your friend coming over here? Not to be nosy, but I heard you saying you’d see him next week.