- ELEVEN -
RAEGAN -
I lay breathless on the bed after Lane had left me for the bathroom. I realized quickly that the kids laughing in the living room had probably been a huge mood killer for him, but I hated that he had said sorry—not once, but twice. I didn’t want to hear apologies. I just wanted more of him… more of what he had just given me. More mind-blowing tingles through every inch of my body that quickly exploded into euphoria.
Yeah, I needed more.
I wrapped the towel securely under my arms and padded on bare feet out to the living room. Kate and Braden had been so wiped out lately with going to play at the park for hours every day and all of the walks through the city Lane took us on. We’d spent a lot of time inside too, but Lane acted as if he needed to show them everything right now.
I smiled when I saw the two of them fading fast. They’d always taken early naps, and I realize at four years old I should just be thankful they still take them at all, but I was also grateful that they always seemed to take them at the same time. Kate’s eyes were drooping as she lay on the arm of the couch. Braden’s head was lying on Kate, his eyes already shut. Kate was trying to fight it as she softly giggled, but her efforts were weak.
I checked the lock on the front door for the hundredth time and made sure the alarm that Lane had installed was armed. When I felt that they would be safe in the living room on their own, I shuffled down the hallway, cracked open the bedroom door, and then entered the bathroom without knocking.
I stripped off my towel and let it float to the ground. Lane was already in the shower and steam had engulfed the room entirely in white. I could barely make out the outline of his body, but I could tell that he had his head leaning against the tile wall, while the water pounded his large back.
I tiptoed closer and then stopped, mesmerized by the movement of his hand. I knew what he was doing and I shivered at the idea that I had done that to him. Heat crept up from my toes and in between my thighs again, but this time another heat joined it. A furious heat. He had left me on the bed, sprawled out and practically begging him, so he could come pleasure himself alone in the bathroom?
I had never been one to leave a misunderstanding hanging in the air, and even though I could have just sat around and moped about the idea of him not wanting me, I didn’t intend to sit around on those feelings. I tackled them. Hard and fast.
I swung the glass shower door open and his eyes snapped to mine in shock. I felt a tremble rock me when his eyes licked my exposed body from head to toe. His hand hadn’t left his erection, but he wasn’t moving it anymore.
“Rae…” His voice sounded as if he were in true pain.
“I’m mad at you.”
“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have started that.” He looked at me again with shame for what he had done, and then I was pissed.
“If you apologize for touching me one more time, I will scream.”
“I shouldn’t have started that with you,” he repeated. “We have so much going on…” His words trailed off as I stepped into the shower. I knew the water would be scalding. I could feel the heat from here so I stayed near the edge, out of the spray. He was so surprised by my forward movement that it took him a second to realize he needed to turn down the heat.
“You just left me… alone… on a bed,” I whispered.
When I was happy with the temperature of the water, I stepped underneath the calming flow. My body brushed his—just barely—and he moaned audibly.
“Rae…” he started, but I held my hand up to stop him.
“What I don’t want is to hear you make excuses for this attraction between us. What I do want is to feel you,” I stated firmly.
“I’m trying real hard to control myself, babe. You can’t keep saying stuff like that to me.” I heard the tension in his voice and noticed his hand squeeze a bit tighter around himself.
“What are you so afraid of?” I asked. When I extended my hands out to touch him, he quickly stepped out of my reach. I wanted to feel insecure at yet another rejection, but at the same time I knew how attracted he was to me—even if it was only a fraction of what I felt.
“Sex complicates things when it’s between two people who have to maintain a civil relationship. I can’t have things get weird between us, Rae. God… I want you. I want you so bad, but…” His hands moved through the air, mimicking how he would like to run them across my body and a thrill darted through me. I almost moved closer, but I wasn’t that desperate. Not yet.
“No. It’s just sex and I want it with you. It’s been a long, long, long time for me, Lane. You have no idea how this feels… how much I want.” I inched closer and was happy to see that he didn’t back away.
“You’re fooling yourself if you think this won’t obscure lines and confuse feelings,” he whispered into the spray of the shower.
“I realize that. But let me handle it. This is just sex… right here… right now.” With one hand I reached out and replaced his on his strong erection.
“Damn it, Raegan,” he groaned, and I watched as all the fight left his body. I was breaking down the big, tough boxer, one word and touch at a time.
His hand stretched out and pulled the back of my head toward him, our lips colliding in the middle. When he sucked my lower lip into his mouth, I melted. He pushed my back until I was firmly pressed against the glass, and I looked up at his face while his hands ran over my water-slicked breasts.
His eyes were focused past me, almost as if he were looking outside of the shower, and I loved the heat that began to glow in his eyes. I turned to see what had him so turned on. Over my shoulder, I noticed that he could see my body pressed into the glass through the mirror facing us. It was all fogged up from the steam, but he could still easily make out the lines of my body in the glass.
Since he seemed to enjoy that, I twirled in his hands and pressed my front against the glass. At that point, even I was mesmerized by our reflection. My breasts weren’t small; I could thank a year of breastfeeding Braden for those. They just never went back to my pre-pregnancy size.
But what had my mouth watering was the towering figure behind me. His large frame practically engulfed my much smaller one, and I could feel his giant arms wrapping around my front. The idea that he held back so much of his strength so he could touch me tenderly had me primed and ready to go instantly. Slowly, he let his hands glide past my naval and into the area I was begging for him to stay.
Through the mirror our eyes met and I said, “You like watching.” It wasn’t a question because his obvious arousal persistently pressing into my back was my answer.
One of his large fingers dipped into me and my head fell back against his chest. Everything about him was a turn-on to me. The rasping breath in my ear alone could get me off at this point.
“You know damn well that I like it,” he said directly into my ear. His lips glided across it lightly and when he gently bit my earlobe, my hands flew back and I grabbed his rock-hard thighs for support. My fingers clenched into his muscles but he didn’t protest.
“I need to hear you tell me,” I pleaded.
In the reflection of the mirror I watched his face shift back toward my ear, but before he could get a word out, his back shot ramrod straight. The flow of the water splashed over his rigid shoulders and I shrieked. The water had lost all of its heat from Lane’s blazing-hot shower earlier, and the pounding spray was now straight ice.
I shoved out of the shower door and felt instantly better as the warmth of the bathroom kissed my frozen skin. Lane wasn’t far behind me as he lifted me by the waist and sat me on the bathroom sink.
The glacial water must not have discouraged him because the look he gave me just then could have melted an iceberg. I was glad that the brief interruption hadn’t made him come to his senses and try to stop this again. I spread my legs to make room for his wide girth and he promptly filled the void. I looked up at him as he guided himself into me without any words.
He paused when he was fully immersed, and I couldn’t have found my breath even if it was served to me on a silver platter. It had been way too long for me and he was large. Larger than normal, I think. The pain was a good pain, but I still needed a second to adjust. Thankfully, in that moment, he was tuned in to what I needed.
He dipped my head back with his hands and ran his lips over my ear, down my jaw, and then lightly licked my lips until they parted briefly. Just as I was about to squirm beneath him, he moved a fraction of an inch.
His mouth was back at my ear, and his deep, rough voice lit all of my nerves on fire. “Everything about you, I like. Everything about you is a turn-on. So yes, you little temptress, I liked watching you while I brought you to the edge.”
His speed had picked up at that point, but I hadn’t noticed because his words were just what I needed to relax into the movement. Each drag was heaven, each push was delicious, and every little rough noise that came from his throat was intoxicating.
“Bringing you to the edge is enjoyable but tipping you over made me crazy. I need to see that face you made again. That complete abandon caused by my touches.”
“Lane, your voice alone can push me over the edge,” I moaned. His rhythm was something of my dreams. A guy this big should have been clumsy and frantic, but he was smooth and confident with each drive of his hips.
He didn’t say anything else. Maybe he was too busy concentrating on his own pleasure, or maybe he didn’t want his words to bring me to my climax… he wanted his body to do that job. I reached up and gripped my fingers through his hair and worked my hips with his rhythm.
The increased friction set us both off in a frenzy to find release and we didn’t last much longer. I crossed the finish line first with my silent cry into the bathroom walls. I didn’t care that my head was thrown backward or the absolute rawness of my emotions was clear as day on my face. I was glad that I had enough control to not scream every curse word I have ever known, but I certainly felt like it—the energy that ran through my entire body was like pure electricity.
When I came back around, Lane was staring at me with a strange look on his face. I ran my hands along his collarbone and up the back of his head through his golden hair. I pressed my chest up against his and felt him swell inside of me. His thrusts became jerky and I held him tighter to me, waiting for him to let go. I enjoyed every second of his movements against my highly sensitive flesh.
With a groan, he pulled away and pumped his release onto my stomach, my thighs, and some even made it up to my chest. His eyes flared at the mess he had just left on me. When I saw his lip quirk and a dimple appear on his cheek, I leaned forward and licked it.
He grabbed my face and began devouring my mouth with his own. My fingernails dug into his warm, smooth back as I tried to hold his body against mine.
Finally, we gasped for air and he pulled away from me. My legs had cramped up, so I decided to stay on the sink while I let the blood flow back into each extremity. I leaned back until my head hit the mirror behind me and I waited for my heart rate to slow down. Wow, my doctor should have prescribed this for my blood pressure.
“Shit, you’re good for my ego, babe. If you keep lying there like I just gave you the world, I swear I’m two seconds away from showing you the moon as well.”
I laughed softly at his words. “You can’t even imagine how long it’s been for me,” I whispered.
“I hope it’s been a while… considering…” he replied with a rough undertone.
“Yes, thank God for that, but it goes way further than that. The last time I had sex was when I got pregnant with Braden.” His mouth dropped open and I chuckled.
When he seemed to have recovered from his shock, he said, “Well, now I don’t feel so mighty anymore. I was basically popping your cherry again. Anything would have made you blissfully happy at that point.”
“Trust me, I might not be that experienced, but I can honestly say I’ve never had anything like that,” I huffed, still trying to catch my breath. I wanted to hop down, but I still couldn’t move my legs. His hands reached around my waist and I felt him turn the water on behind me. It was back off moments later and I jolted when I felt a cold cloth touch the skin on my stomach.
“Sorry, I used all the hot water but let me clean you up,” he whispered. Lane moved the washcloth lightly over my skin and as each area was clean to his satisfaction, he kissed it tenderly.
“Why did you…?” I gestured at my thighs, stomach, and chest, hoping he understood.
“I know for damn sure you aren’t on birth control, so unless you want Braden and Kate to have a baby brother or sister right now, coming inside you probably wouldn’t have been the best idea.” He winked at me and grabbed a towel off the bar.
I immediately began shaking my head, surprised I hadn’t thought of that myself. “I should get on the pill.”
“Already planning round two, are we?” His intoxicating words slid over me as if they were his very hands. I watched as he slipped the towel over every inch of his body; I couldn’t make myself look anywhere else.
“I don’t want any more children,” I whispered while observing his movements.
His hands froze and he swung his eyes in my direction. “Really?” He sounded surprised and almost confused why I would say something like that. I finally hopped down from the sink and grabbed my own towel from earlier.
“Yeah. At least, I’m pretty sure. I don’t feel like I’m missing anything by not having another. Braden and…” I paused because I didn’t know how to approach this considerately. “Braden is enough.” I almost physically grimaced from my own words, because my heart wanted to say ‘Braden and Kate were enough.’ But what right did I have to claim his child?
“You can say it, Rae. I think Kate is as much yours as she is mine, at this point,” he stated, looking directly at me.
“I just… I don’t want to insult Ash or tarnish her memory.” I looked down at my hands as they fumbled with the towel, which I wrapped tightly under my arms, hoping to find comfort from its imitation of a hug. His feet appeared in front of me and I felt his fingers pushing my chin up.
“I think Ash would be grateful that, in her absence, Kate has a wonderful mother figure. I’m battling it too. I wish Ash could be here, but… she’s just not. Kate loves you and I don’t plan on taking that away from her.”
There were so many conflicting lines in that statement, but I just didn’t have the strength to break it all down and examine his meaning. He leaned down and kissed me until all of the thoughts seeped away.
When he pulled back, he looked at me sternly and asked, “Can I ask where Braden’s dad is? I’m not jumping into some guy’s territory, am I?”
“What? No! Lane, what kind of person do you think I am?” I shrieked in shock, but my tone was still light enough that he knew I wasn’t really pissed.
“Okay, okay!” he said with his hands raised in surrender. “I just didn’t feel like kicking anyone’s ass… well, not today anyway,” he laughed. I swatted at his chest and then my hand didn’t leave the warm, tempting skin. He grabbed it and kissed it lightly while looking down at me.
“It was the typical immature-guy response. He bailed at the first positive sign on that little white stick. Couldn’t get enough of me one day and the next day—gone.”
“Damn, now I am going to have to kick someone’s ass,” he grumbled. This time the words were joking, but his tone was absolutely not.
“Save it for someone who’s worth it, trust me.”