CHAPTER 3
When I awoke the first thing I saw was Trey sitting in a chair beside my bed. He still had his work clothes on. The sleeves on his white shirt were rolled up to his elbows. He had loosened his tie. His sexy five o'clock shadow had gone a bit beyond that.
"Trey?"
He jumped up from his chair and came to stand beside me.
"Tylar," he breathed, his eyes reflected his pain.
"Wait - wait," I said, "Let me guess. I'm in the hospital aren’t I?" I followed this with a sarcastic laugh that even I didn't recognize.
I saw Trey's expression go straight to 'concerned.'
"I mean I couldn't possibly be anywhere else, could I? It's all just so . . . fucking Tylar, isn't it?"
"Honey," he said, quietly, taking my hand into his, "I need to tell you what happened."
"No Trey. No - you don't get to tell me what happened. I already know what happened."
I was on a roll not quite sure where all of this was coming from. I was angry. I was angry at Trey.
Trey hit the button illuminating the light for a nurse to come in. I was freaking him out apparently. His eyes now had a hint of fear in them.
"You just had to have sex last night, didn't you? It was all about you wasn't it? Just like always. Then you fucking left me this morning burning up with a fever and bleeding in our bed at home."
"Tylar honey - please?"
"Please what, Trey?"
"It was two nights ago. You've been in the hospital one night already. You lost a lot of blood. You needed a transfusion. It was a very freak and rare infection honey. You're going to be fine, though. You will get out of here in a day or two."
"And the baby?"
I hadn't had the nerve to look down at my stomach yet. I already knew though. I knew as soon as I had awakened.
Trey's eyes were filled with tears now. Were they tears of guilt or tears of loss?
"We lost her, sweetie. I'm so sorry. We lost our baby girl."
He laid his head down on my now flat stomach. His tears flowed freely; he sobbed and cried. I placed my hand on his dark, thick hair and ran my fingers through it absently. I was trying to make sense out of all of this.
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The following days went by in a blessed blur. My doctor explained the details of what had happened to Trey and I; though I didn’t listen to any of it. The nurses told me what I could and couldn't do once released from the hospital.
At home, Jean was crying and wringing her hands. She watched me as if I was a fine piece of porcelain china that had been set too close to the edge of the mantle; the slightest jar or movement could send me crashing into hundreds of pieces. Preston was told to 'let Mommy rest.' She didn’t understand any of this. She was herded out of my room every time she tried to sneak in.
Gina was at my bedside, inconsolable as she cried and held me. My father did the encore feature of the same after Gina had left. Trey was hounding me about names, caskets and burial arrangements.
(Everyone - please! Leave me the fuck alone!)
It was the second day after I had been released from the hospital. It was the day of the graveside service for the baby. Trey had insisted we name her. I named her Marley Renaud Sinclair after my mother. Trey had made the arrangements for everything else. He had purchased a burial plot in the 'baby' section of the cemetery in DeKalb County, along with picking out a casket and a grave marker. I had been ordered strict bed rest so I wasn't able to assist him with the arrangements.
Susan and Clive had already flown in to Atlanta right after Gina and Tristan's baby was born. They had named him Reese Patrick Sinclair. I was sorry that my miscarriage had served to dampen the joy of properly welcoming Baby Reese into the family. I had said as much to Gina, Tristan and Susan. They had all gaped at me with expressions that ranged from 'puzzled' to 'disturbed.'
Trey was in our room now helping me get dressed for the memorial service. I slipped into a plain black dress with a white collar. He zipped the back up for me, pulling my hair out of the way. I couldn't even recall when or where I had bought it. It looked almost Amish I thought to myself. Trey brought my black heels out from the closet and my light weight black coat.
"Tylar - we are going to be at the cemetery a little early. If you want, you can have a couple of minutes with the baby in the chapel. I know that you didn't get a chance to see her after they delivered her and all. I mean, I got to hold her and everything but you were under anesthesia so if you want to say 'good-bye' to her maybe."
"I don't think so, Trey. It wouldn't serve any practical purpose. I've come to terms with it. These things happen. Where's Preston?"
He was staring at me as if he hadn't heard me and was still waiting for an answer.
"Where's Preston?"
"Oh - ah, I think your Dad has her. Do you want me to get her?"
"Please."
I went to the bathroom and touched up my hair and make-up. I looked very demure. I guess that was a look I could handle for today. I put the pearl drop earrings on that my father had given to my mother.
A few minutes later my father came to our room with Preston. Susan had dressed her in a plaid wool skit, a pullover sweater and tights. She looked adorable.
"Hey sweet girl," I said holding my arms out for her. She leaned over and reached for me. I pulled her against me breathing in her still-baby scent. My heart ached. I couldn't breathe. Something was stabbing me in the gut at the moment.
I kissed her cheek and handed back over to my dad.
"Tylar - are you up to this darling? Do you want to talk about your loss?"
"Dad - why is everyone here so hell-bent on seeing me go to pieces?"
"Darling - we all love you. This is a loss. We are here to help you through it. That's all."
"I appreciate that Dad, but I look at this as being one of those unfortunate things that happens for a reason. I don't question my blessings so why should I question my losses?"
"I suppose that is a very pragmatic way of looking at it," he commented. "Still, if you should need to talk about it, please know that I am here for you."
"Thanks, Dad," I said, giving him a pat on his arm. He was still looking at me warily. I guess everyone in this house would just have to be satisfied knowing that I was dealing with this in my own way.
The memorial service at the cemetery was just family, though Amber managed to crash it. We were gathered at the gravesite; Gina had contacted a priest at the church she attended and he agreed to read some scripture and bless the grave. Once gathered around the grave we heard a car pull up. I turned to see Amber getting out of it to join the family.
"What's she doing here?" I hissed in a quiet voice to Trey.
"She said she wanted to offer her condolence, that's all," Trey said, "I told her we were having a memorial service."
"Couldn't she have just sent a card?" I replied, turning back around.
Amber joined the family circled around the small, open grave. She was wearing a black pencil skirt, with a black bolero jacket and a black fedora hat. The wind offered a bit of a chill to the air; I rubbed my hands together for warmth as the priest starting reading from scripture. Trey had his arm around me; I heard the others sniffling behind me. I just wanted this to be over and to go back home again.
When the service ended; we were all supposed to go back to the house for lunch. I stopped Trey as he left my side to thank Amber for coming.
"Don't invite her to lunch Trey. I mean it."
He didn't say a word as he went over and took her hand, thanking her for stopping by. She put her arms around him telling him what a lovely service it had been.
(Oh - please!)
I went over to look at some of the flower arrangements that had been sent; I could keep the two of them in my peripheral vision while doing so. Trey moved on talking to Susan and Clive. I saw Amber approaching.
"Tylar," she said with faux sincerity, "I just want to tell you how sorry I am for your loss."
She placed her hand on my arm. I looked down at her hand, then back up into her dark brown eyes.
"Thank you Amber. These things happen for a reason I've been told."
"Yes," she said, her eyes more alert now, searching mine for understanding. "That is exactly right. I know that it sounds so cliché, Tylar. But you're the one who said it. You must realize that in the long run, it will make the break easier."
"The break?"
"Yes. The break between you and Trey. He's on the fast track, Tylar. That is exactly where I want to be. You see, I intend to have him."
She turned and walked with confidence back down the small hill to where her car was parked. She didn't look back.
Gina approached me carrying Reese who was all bundled up in a blanket.
"What did she say to you?"
"Nothing important. Let me see Reese, Gina."
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Back at the house I managed to get through lunch with the family. Preston was enamored with tiny Baby Reese. She watched intrigued as Gina nursed him, changed him and cuddled him. Gina let Preston see his tiny little face.
"That's your cousin," Gina explained to her. She giggled and ran over to me.
"Baabby," she said, smiling.
She looked at my now flat stomach. I saw her little mind trying to piece together what had happened. She pointed over to where Gina was holding Reese.
"Mommie's baabby?"
"No honey. Reese is not Mommy's baby; Reese is Aunt Gina and Uncle Tristan's baby. Remember when Aunt Gina's tummy was big?"
"Unh huh," she said, nodding her head up and down.
"Well now Baby Reese is out of Aunt Gina's tummy and she is holding him."
Everyone had seemed to stop what they were doing to watch my interaction with Preston on the subject of the baby. She had not gone to the cemetery with us; she had stayed behind with Jean.
I saw Preston frowning trying to figure this all out.
"Where Mommie baabby?" she asked, now pointing to my stomach.
(What do I tell her?)
Trey was at my side in a moment.
"Hey Preston," he said, scooping her up into his strong arms. "Let's go get some crackers from Jean."
"Cacker?" She had already moved on to something else. I was sure that the subject would come up again.
After everyone had finally left I breathed a sigh of relief. The tightness in my chest was somewhat relieved. I was finally spared their constant perusal. I had felt like I had spent the day under a microscope. My father had kissed me good-bye. He was flying back to Baton Rouge this evening. He said he would call me later in the week.
I took my heels off and headed up the stairs to our suite. Susan and Clive were heading back to Bristol in a couple of weeks. I had overheard Susan saying something to Trey about having Preston spend some time with them in the fall for a couple of weeks. She mentioned that perhaps he and I could use some alone time. He had told her that he would discuss it with me and let her know. He said he thought I probably would not want to be apart from Preston for awhile.
I actually thought it would be nice for Preston to spend some time with her grandparents. It wasn't that often that she got to see them. Once she started school, it would be even more difficult to plan visits there.
I went to the bathroom and started the shower. I wasn't supposed to take baths for several weeks; showers only. I got clean pajamas and underwear ready for afterwards. Freshly showered and dressed, I climbed into our bed. I fell asleep right away. I was glad that this day was behind me forever.
I woke up when Trey came to bed. I could tell it was much later because I had gotten just enough sleep to take the edge off. He pulled me over close to him, wrapping an arm around me. He fell asleep quickly. I lay there now wide awake unable to fall back to sleep. I smelled a hint of whiskey on his breath. Jack Daniels.