“I don’t want to stop,” I say, pulling him closer. “I just wanted you to know,” I breathe into his ear, “I like you, too.”
His cheek curves against mine. Then our mouths crash together again, and for a night, he makes me forget the burning hole in my chest.
33
WHEN I WAKE UP THE NEXT MORNING, I immediately feel different. For starters, I’ve never slept naked before.
I’ve also never woken up expecting to see a guy in my bed. But when I look over to Hysan’s side, I’m alone.
I stay under the covers as the air grows brighter, my emotions a jumbled mass of confusion. I don’t know how to feel. Dad is a wound that will never heal, and the devastation of his death weighs on me like a cloak that will stay fastened forever.
And yet when I think of Hysan, my body feels sensitive and light, producing echoes of new sensations he introduced me to last night. My curves feel new to me today. Experiencing my body through Hysan’s hands and lips gave new meaning to every part, and I feel more connected to myself than ever before.
Maybe I should regret last night, but I don’t. My old self wouldn’t have done this, but that girl is gone. So is that life, the one where I consulted an Ephemeris daily, the one where the stars and I shared our secrets.
Ochus has cut me off from that life. From my future. My family. And last night, Hysan gave me a good memory, one that’s all mine, one I can take with me when I meet my fate. When I set off to find Ochus.
For now, I can’t think beyond that. So I change into the unused sleeping outfit Hysan brought me and pad into the living room.
“Morning,” says Mathias.
As soon as I see him, needles of guilt stab my insides.
“Did you sleep well?”
His scrutiny makes me turn to hide my face. “I did, thanks. Any news?”
“I saved you some breakfast,” he says, still watching me. Does he suspect anything, or is he just being Mathias?
He’s cleaning his silver Taser, and he looks like he hasn’t slept yet. There’s a small nick in the cleft of his chin from shaving.
“Where’s Hysan?”
Mathias pours me a cup of tea, and I feel like a traitor. “Just picking out which dress to wear. He’s going to visit his android this morning.”
“I’m going, too.”
“That’s not a good idea.”
I grab a roll from the bread basket beside him to avoid answering, just as Mathias pulls something from his pocket and places it on the table in front of me. “Happy birthday, Rho.”
The sight of the small green package fills me with nostalgia. Sugared seaweed. “Dad and I ate this all the time at home,” I whisper, choking back a wave of sadness so Mathias won’t know the pain his gift caused.
“It’s almost impossible to find off-planet,” he says. “I thought it’d be a welcome reminder of Cancer.”
“Thanks,” I say, pulling him into a hug, mostly to hide my face. But guilt twists my gut, and I pull away quickly. I didn’t even realize it was my birthday—that I was seventeen—when I woke up this morning.
We split the box of seaweed between us silently, and then he turns on the news. When Hysan comes in, I’m glad to see he’s wearing the gray coveralls again. We give each other shy nods, and I hope Mathias is too distracted to notice my awkward blush.
“Morning, my lady.” Before Hysan can say more, we hear the door to the suite clicking open.
Mathias grabs his weapon and slips through to the workspace, returning instantly with Lord Neith, whose stern eyes soften with affection when he sees Hysan. “Father,” he says, opening his arms.
I watch, entranced, as Hysan embraces the towering android. Neith pulls out a smart screen from his pocket and calls up some data to share with Hysan. The hologram’s reflected light glimmers across his perfect Kartex face and makes his white hair glisten.
While they work, I step onto the balcony and look over the railing. Far below, armored cars rove the streets like tiny beach beetles. Drab sunlight filters through the planet’s fabric sky, and the black wall ringing the village casts gray shadows.
Mathias joins me. “Bleak, isn’t it? I’ll be glad to leave this place.”
“Are you still planning to go to Gemini to live in an underground mine?”
“Our people are there.” His handsome features catch the sun’s dim rays, and I’m struck by his quiet poise, the way I was five years ago when I first saw him doing Yarrot. “I still believe in my heart that Cancer will recover.”
Then I admit something I didn’t expect to share: “I’ve known this whole time you’d make a better Guardian.”