“I’m sorry,” I said as I pulled away and snatched a tissue from the box, wiping my nose and eyes. “I’m such a total disgusting mess. I can’t control it. I wish I’d never bonded with him. This sucks. What a great Huntress I’ve turned out to be.”
Candy’s eyes were mournful. “Morgan, you’re being too hard on yourself.” She moved down the bed to let me slide to the edge. “Even though Jer and I aren’t bonded yet, I know what it feels like to be away from him. It does suck and I know it will suck more if he ever leaves me after we’re bonded. That’s the point. It’s not natural to do what Cal’s doing to you. I can’t imagine why he is doing this in the first place, and whenever I ask the guys, they say he has his reasons. It’s bullshit if you ask me.” She stood from the bed and held her hand out to me. “You have every right to lose your shit, Morgan, and if you get angry at him it might make you feel better.”
She was right, of course. I should be angry instead of sad. I should turn my sorrow into something stronger, something motivating. But I couldn’t, not while my heart was shredding. I didn’t have the energy or the desire to do anything but wallow. This situation, the effect of our separation on the bond, was pushing me into the deepest depths of a depression I’d thought I’d overcome.
What Cal was doing was making me weak and I was beginning to think that breaking the bond might actually be to my detriment in other ways too. Without the bond, would I be strong enough to fight Lazarus’s thrall? I didn’t know, but it seemed like a logical theory that without Cal’s bond I’d be more susceptible to Lazarus’s charm. Cal thought he was doing his duty to the Order and he believed he was breaking the bond to free me, to help me, to make me happy. I’d said some things to him that I didn’t mean. A lot of things out of anger. I didn’t want Lance, I wanted Cal. I wanted him more than anything, and my foolish game had ended up costing me that which I coveted the most—a possible future with Cal.
I’d been thinking a lot in my solitude and I realized that even though he was being stubborn and idiotic by pushing me away, he was doing it because he was afraid. What I knew for certain was that he was scared of falling in love with me. I just didn’t totally understand why. Although the man had acted like a total ass, I wasn’t prepared to have him gone from my life forever, not without knowing what the bond really meant. But I’d pushed too hard, I’d dared him to do something drastic. And he had. And I could do nothing to stop it. I didn’t know where he was or how to contact him, so there was no way for me to tell him that I was sorry for some of the things I had said.
Candy dropped her hand to her side with a shrug. “Listen, I’m not going to stay in here and bug you tonight. I get that you want to be left alone. I just wanted to bring you something to eat.” She walked to the door. “You should really have a shower, though. It’ll make you feel better. It always helps me when I’m feeling like a bucket of crap.” She smiled before leaving, closing the door behind her with a quiet thud.
I sighed and pushed myself off the bed. Candy was right—a shower would make me feel better. And if I wasn’t going to eat, at least I could make myself smell nicer.
Cal exited the bathroom with a towel wrapped snuggly around his waist and steam billowing out behind him. He ran his hand through his wet hair and smiled. Becca was seated on the bed, her jean-clad legs crossed and her eyes glued to his body.
“So you decided to come after all,” he drawled as he moved to lean against the short set of drawers.
Becca nodded. “Yep.”
He pushed himself to stand and moved over to her, grasping her hand on her lap while at the same time planting a kiss on her forehead. When he pulled away, she stared up at him, her green eyes sparkling once again. He tugged her up and wrapped her arm around his waist, nudging her belly with his already hard erection.
Morgan.
The name caught in his throat as he lowered his lips to Becca’s cheek, bypassing her pouting lips to trail down to her neck. She shivered under his touch, pressing herself against him, rubbing her hard nipples along his bare chest.
She moaned as he ran his hand under her shirt to cup her breast, strumming her nipple as he continued to kiss her flesh. Good. Good. You can do this.
“Oh, Cal.” She gasped as she ground her hips against his cock. “Kiss me.”
Cal snagged her hair in his hand and pulled her head back, lifting his mouth from her neck so that he could stare down at her. With her lips parted, her breaths ragged and her eyes hooded, he could almost believe that he was about to take Morgan again—just as his body truly wanted. He lowered his mouth to kiss her and instead brought her hair up to meet his nose. As he inhaled, she ran her hands along the front of his body, snagging her fingers into the tight knot of his towel.