My eyes met his. “There’s pizza from a restaurant and Asher is here?” I asked, just to be clear. Miles nodded. Oh, shit. Something was wrong. “Did something happen?”
“Asher and his dad are not getting along. Asher will be staying here until he leaves,” he explained. Holy shit.
I looked at the door to the kitchen. “Which room?”
“Right hall, second on the right side,” Miles said. I sent him a smile before heading upstairs. I never really spent much time upstairs in Miles’ house. My bedroom was the master bedroom downstairs. I stopped at the door and knocked.
“It’s me,” I announced.
“Come in.” Asher’s voice was low. I didn’t like it. I opened the door and smiled. Asher’s room looked a lot like, well, him. Shelves of cookbooks everywhere. The walls here were more of a buttery yellow, his comforter was a light, faded blue, and of course there were rock climbing holds all over the walls. But what held my attention was Asher, laying on his back, sideways across a queen-size bed.
I closed the door behind me and climbed onto the bed to sit near his head. I piled a couple of pillows behind me so I could lay against them with my knees barely bent. His eyes were closed. I rubbed a fingertip over the center of his forehead. He opened his eyes and met mine.
“Hi,” I whispered.
“Hi,” he whispered back.
“You okay?” I asked, keeping my voice soft.
He sighed. “No.”
“What happened?” I asked gently. He sighed deeply and closed his eyes.
“Things haven’t been good,” he began. “Any time I see him, we argue.”
“What about?”
He looked up at me, his eyes full of shadows. Instead of saying anything he moved closer, his head finding my stomach. My fingers instantly moved into his hair. He closed his eyes and sighed. My other hand found his upper chest. Vanilla and cinnamon surrounded me as he took that hand and stroked my fingers with his. We sat like that for several minutes, until he was ready to tell me.
“I told him I didn’t want to play pro football,” he announced. Whoa. Asher told his dad that? Holy…
“How did he take that?” I asked, hoping his dad was understanding. But from the look on his face, I doubted it.
“To sum up, he told me I was too stupid to get into college on my own, and that he wouldn’t pay for it or co-sign a student loan,” he said, his voice matter-of-fact. My chest ached.
“Oh, Ash.” I squeezed his hand tight. He squeezed back. “I’m sorry he said that.”
“What the fuck am I going to do?” He looked up at me.
“You have amazing grades, so you have options for scholarships that aren’t related to football. If you can get a couple, then that would bring the loans down and you might be able to get a loan without a co-signer,” I tried to reassure him. “And if they don’t, there is still financial aid. And community college.”
“Yeah,” he said. “You’re right, there are ways to still get there.”
“Besides, he might be bluffing,” I offered.
He met my eyes and shook his head. “He doesn’t bluff.”
I continued moving my fingers through his hair. “I’m sorry, Ash.”
He squeezed my hand. “That’s not even why I left.”
“Miles only said you and your dad aren’t getting along...”
He shook his head. “He got angry about the flag case.” His voice was soft. “And I couldn’t believe it. You did something nice for Mom, and he was angry about it. It just hit me, then.”
“What did?” I asked.
“What an asshole he is,” he whispered. “He couldn’t see past his issues to see how thoughtful it was.” His gaze moved to the ceiling, his eyes unfocused.
“I wish I could fix it,” I admitted. He squeezed my hand. We were quiet for several minutes.
“In my desk at home, I have emancipation forms,” he said.
My eyebrows went up. “Are you going to file?”
He closed his eyes. “I think so.”
My heart ached. I hated to do this, but I knew Asher. “Are you sure you want to do that?”
He rolled his head on my stomach to look up at me. “I don’t know.”
“Honey, I know your dad’s a dick, but he is only here for a little while. If you do this, you’ll be leaving Jessica alone in that house.” He winced. “And if something happened to her, you’d never forgive yourself.”
His face grew dark. “I don’t know if I care anymore.”
I ran my fingers through his hair again, getting his attention. “You do. It doesn’t feel like it right now, but you do. I’m not saying don’t do it, I’m saying that you should wait and take your time to think about it when you aren’t upset and angry.”
His eyes unfocused on my face. I waited. He sighed. “Alright, I’ll think about it more.” His eyes focused on me again. “How was Jake? I haven’t heard from him.”
I sighed. “Heartbroken. He’s been acting jealous whenever Derrick talked to a girl for a month now. Derrick had finally had enough.”
“Damn,” he muttered. “They’ll work it out, Ally.” His fingers began rubbing mine again. “They’ve been friends for years.”
“I don’t know.” I took a deep breath and told him the rest. “Dylan showed up.”
Asher’s brow drew down as he shifted so he could see me better. “What happened?”
“He apologized for what he said. Then he said he wanted to be friends.” I still couldn’t believe it.
“Wow, what did you say?” he asked quietly, his fingers tightening on mine.
I met his eyes. “I told him no.” I explained to him how Dylan had stood over me and not listened when I told him to back off.
His gaze ran over my face. “Are you alright?”
I gave him a smile. “I’m okay. It’s over. I’ve said my piece, he’s said his. And he knows it’s not going to happen.”
“Good. Otherwise he’ll get a beating of a lifetime,” he grumbled.
I chuckled. “So, are you going to come downstairs and eat? Or do I have to call everyone to come over and hang out here?”
“Oh God, no.” He chuckled. “I’m getting up.”
Isaac
Seventy-eight, seventy-nine. My heart hammered in my chest, my muscles burned. I did another push up, and another. I kept moving. I was going to get some sleep tonight, I had to. Eighty-two, eighty-three. My lungs burned for air. My arms shook before they gave out. I dropped to the floor of my room and tried to catch my breath. The voice… it needed to stop… I rolled onto my back, bent my knees and began doing crunches, alternating center with side-to-side.
I had taken sleeping stuff. I’ve tried warm milk. I tried moving all day. Now I was down to working out until I was exhausted. My abs burned. I kept pushing it.
It’s not going to work, you’ll still be the asshole who killed his sister.
I pushed it harder, barely allowing myself to breath. I needed to sleep… I couldn’t take it anymore… I focused on moving my body the way I needed to. Focused on every movement, every twist, until everything else fell away. But the voice never went anywhere. It was still there, whispering to me.
Finally, I dropped back onto the floor, my body exhausted and aching. Images of me smothering Sophie kept flashing. I couldn’t do this anymore. I needed to know the truth.
You know the truth.
No. If I had done that, Sophie would have told Lexie... Lexie. I had to know. I had to ask. Darkness washed over me and I sighed gratefully. Tomorrow… I’d ask her tomorrow….
Chapter 9
Tuesday
Isaac
I woke up gasping, images of Sophie floating through my mind. It took me several minutes before I realized I was on the floor in my room. What…? Oh… right… My muscles protested when I got up and moved to my dresser. Mom’s probably at work, Ethan was probably here… The urge to pound my fist into his face flashed through me. My hands shook. I needed to get out. I pulled on some clothes, jammed my feet into my sneakers, and then rushed out my bedroom door and down the stairs. I grabbed the keys off the table next to the door as Ethan walked out of the kitchen.
“Hey, where are you going?” Ethan asked. “I gotta go over to Miles’ today.”
Rage tore through me as I turned around. “Then fucking walk, like I’ve been fucking doing for the last year,” I snapped.