Shit. He was right, but…. I met Rory’s eyes. “It’s brain surgery. What are the chances that there’ll be a fuck up? That it will cause more damage than they fixed?” I focused on the coffee table and tried to make him understand. “They don’t know what this is. They don’t know how to handle it. And…” I let out a breath and met his eyes. “Honestly, I’m not going to be their lab rat when I could be doing something fun.”
His eyes searched mine before he nodded. “I’ll tell the doctor. But that means there are some other decisions to be made.”
I looked away from him. “I know. I’m trying to figure it out.” Needing to get away from this conversation, I got to my feet and headed upstairs. I paused on the steps. “Thanks, Rory.”
“No problem, kid,” he replied. I started up the stairs again and went into my room. Having made one decision was a relief, as if I had been carrying a weight I didn’t know about until it was gone. One down, a few more to go. I sat on my bed and tried to figure out who I was going to hang out with tomorrow afternoon.
Alexis: Hey, what are the plans for tomorrow?
It took a minute or so to get an answer.
Miles: Your first day is tomorrow.
Alexis: I know, I meant after.
Ethan: I’m free late in the afternoon.
Asher: Working all day.
Miles: I’m working on my RPG, but I can change my plans.
Alexis: Miles, you don’t have to change your plans. I’ll probably stop by anyway.
Miles: Alright, come over anytime.
Ethan: Come over around four tomorrow.
Alexis: You’re on. Thanks, guys.
Hmmm, no Zeke. He must be working right now. But… why didn’t Isaac answer?
I sat looking at my phone. There was someone else I wanted to see tomorrow too. I found her number in my contacts and called.
“Hello?” Laura’s voice was hesitant.
“Hey, it’s Lexie,” I said cheerfully.
“Oh, Lexie. Hi,” she said, surprised.
“I was thinking we could hit the dog park tomorrow afternoon?” I asked, hoping she’d finally say yes.
“Oh, um. Yeah. I-I can do that,” she said, her voice shaking around the edges. “What time?”
I should be out of work by one according to what Meghan told me. “Around three.”
“Okay, I’ll see you at two,” she said quickly before hanging up.
Okay… I was tired of trying to be friends with Laura when all she did was dodge me. But at the same time, she was so shy I didn’t know if that was the case or she was just being… shy.
Putting it out of my mind, I got up and gathered my pajamas before I went to take a shower. When I came back my phone had a message.
Zeke: I’m working right now.
I snorted. Zeke messaging - short and to the point. I shook my head before pulling out the futon and climbing in. I was about to fall asleep when my phone dinged again. Expecting it to be Isaac, I checked.
Zeke: I don’t know what I’m doing tomorrow.
I sent him a smiley face emoji before putting my phone down and falling asleep.
Isaac
Metal smashed metal. The car jerked again. I held Sophie tight to my chest.
“Izzy.” She coughed. I looked down to find blood trailing from her mouth. Her amber eyes were wide, tears filling them. “Why didn’t you save me?” Her voice shook. My heart split in two. I bashed on the door, slamming my shoulder into it over and over.
“Hold on, Sophie, I’m getting you help,” I told her, my voice thick as desperation took control. I slammed and hit the door over and over. “Let us out!”
“Izzy…” her sweet voice called. I looked down into my arms. Bright red blood poured from her mouth onto her chest. “Make it stop.” She coughed a wet cough that ended with her gasping for breath.
“Sophie…” I begged.
“Make it stop…” she pleaded.
Oh God. I moved my hand over her face and covered her mouth and nose. I screamed at myself as I watched Sophie fight my hold.
STOP! STOP!
I was helpless as I watched myself smother my little sister. Sophie’s movements slowed, and then stopped altogether.
No. No. NO. NO!
I bolted up in bed, my heart pounding, sweat running down my chest as I struggled to breathe. Sophie… no… everything was foggy and… did I…? No. No. I didn’t. No way in hell.
Maybe you just now remembered.
My eyes burned as my stomach rolled. I couldn’t have… I loved her… I was begging for her to stay…
Were you really? Or did you hold your hand over her face and finish her off?
Bile rose in my throat as I ran from my bed to the bathroom. I was sick over and over, my body shaking, tears running down my face as that voice filled my mind.
Chapter 8
Monday
Isaac
I climbed to my feet and picked up my skateboard. It was early. There weren’t many people at the park yet, even though the best time to skate was before it got too hot.
After that nightmare, I couldn’t get back to sleep. Doubts kept swimming through my head. Did I do that to Sophie? I couldn’t have… but what if I just didn’t remember? A deep pit burned in my chest as I tried to remember. I rubbed my hand over my eyes and started to head across the street to the gas station. Coffee. Coffee was what I needed.
I had just crossed the street when my phone rang. It was Ethan. I sent it to voicemail immediately. Oh, good. They had ice coffee. I quickly made my drink, went to the counter and paid before I headed back to the park.
I spent most of the day in the park. I skated, watched others, and sat in the shade when it was too hot. I didn’t want to go home. I didn’t want to be around anyone right now. Leaning back against the tree, I wanted to disappear.
Joshua eventually showed up and came over. “Hey, man.” His eyes ran over me. “You look like crap.”
“No shit,” I bit out.
“Whoa. You’re in a shitty mood,”
I met his eyes. “Just… leave me the fuck alone, man.”
Josh eyed me. “You fighting with what’s her name?”
I sighed. “Yeah, and I want to be left alone,” I lied. Anything to get him to go away.
Josh nodded and headed towards the park. Good. I just needed to… figure this out.
My phone rang. It was Red. It rang again. I couldn’t… I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I couldn’t talk to her until I knew. If I really did that to Sophie… I swallowed back bile. I opened my eyes and sent her to voicemail. If I talked to her, I’d tell her everything. And… I couldn’t handle that. The way she’d look at me… I closed my eyes tight and took deep breaths through my tightening chest. I waited as long as I could before tapping my phone and checking my messages.
The first was just Ethan wondering where I was. I deleted it.
“Hey, Cookie Monster.” Lexie’s voice was cheery and warm. “I just finished my work today, I’ll tell you all about it later. I’m at the dog park to meet Laura and thought it’d be fun if you came out, but… you’re probably doing something. I’ll talk to ya later. Love ya.” I smiled to myself. Hearing Lexie that cheerful made me relax. I hit repeat. Her voice played in my ear again. Lexie. I closed my eyes and listened.
Why was I torturing myself? Between Lexie knowing about Sophie and that stupid fucking agreement, I didn't have a fucking chance. What the hell was I thinking? Yeah, I didn't want the guys dating her, but... I didn't know if I wanted to either. I pulled my phone from my ear, brought up her picture, and grinned. It was a selfie I had taken with her. Her arms were wrapped around my waist as she smiled up at the camera, all that copper hair back in a braid. Her eyes were bright and full of laughter. She had come out to give me a ride home from the skate park. I didn't even ask, she just knew that Ethan had the car and surprised me. We'd spent a couple of hours talking and goofing around before we headed home. That had been a good day.
It was a lie.
My grin faded.
She's just pretending. She spoke to Sophie; she knows what you did.
My chest ached deeply. It's true. There was no way she would ever... she deserved so much better than an asshole like me.
Unable to stop myself, I played her message again and held it to my ear as my eyes burned. "Hey, Cookie Monster..."
Lexie