Well of the Damned

Chapter 20





They’d had a dining table crafted that was large enough to seat Gavin, Feanna and their four adopted children, Edan and Daia, Liera and her three sons, plus four guests who varied from one meal to the next. Sometimes guards joined them, or a visiting lordover and his wife, or Gavin’s warrant knight friends who’d come to remind the king of their friendship. From time to time they dined just the twelve of them. Gavin sat at the table’s head, and Feanna always sat on his right so they could hold hands beneath the table while they ate.

Generally the children gathered at the far end and the adults grouped nearest to Gavin, but that evening eight-year-old GJ claimed the seat to Gavin’s left. He ate quietly, neither listening to the conversation going on around him nor participating or starting one. Several times, he set down his spoon and gently touched Gavin’s hand or arm as if to reassure himself his uncle was really there.

After supper, the extended Kinshield family gathered in a room in which two sofas, and several chairs and stools lined the four walls, and pillows were piled in the middle of the floor for the children to lie or sit on as they pleased. Gavin thought of it as the Family Room, because it was where his family spent time together talking or telling stories to the children to prepare them for bed-time. The boys often asked for stories about battling beyonders, never noticing the way Jilly would shrink into a corner at the mere mention of the monsters, even though Gavin had put an end to their threat forever more. This evening in particular, GJ wanted a story about his father, and he moved from his own seat to climb into Gavin’s lap.

Gavin supposed he provided them a special connection to their father because, except for Gavin’s facial scars and missing eyetooth, they’d looked so much alike. GJ closed his eyes and clutched Gavin with all his might. “I miss you, Papa,” he whispered.

Gavin felt like a boulder was sitting on his chest, crushing his heart. He squeezed GJ closer, bent his mouth to his young nephew’s ear, and whispered, “I miss you too, son.” When he lifted his head once again, he caught Liera’s tear-filled eyes watching them.

They took cues from the two youngest girls, Jilly and Tansa. When they fell asleep on the floor pillows, it was time to send them to their beds. With his magic, Gavin made each of them a softly glowing light ball to carry to their rooms. As light as a feather, they emitted no heat, and so they were safe to hold, though they weren’t sturdy enough to stand up to poking and pulling. The older children, Jaesh, Trevick and Asiawyth, made a game of racing each other while carrying their light ball carefully enough that it didn’t fall from their open palms. GJ joined in, but he tried to walk too fast and had to stop to scoop his light ball back into his hand.

After the children were tucked into bed, Gavin, Feanna, and Liera relaxed in the family room with a glass of wine. Rogan’s bastard daughter weighed more heavily on his mind every time he looked at Liera or heard her speak or caught a sniff of her perfume. Feanna stared at him, her body stiff and her brow furrowed. He knew she wanted him to tell his sister-in-law about her husband’s infidelity, but would Liera want to know? If he were in her shoes, he wouldn’t. Not with Rogan dead.

“Liera,” Gavin said hesitantly. “Let me ask you something as a woman. If you knew a secret about me that would hurt Feanna to know, would you tell her?” If she agreed with Feanna that a wife had a right to know everything about her husband, then he would tell her about Rogan’s bastard child.

Liera looked at Feanna. “No, I wouldn’t. What would be the purpose in it?”

“To be honest,” Feanna said. “A husband should share everything, good or bad, with his wife.”

Liera shook her head firmly. “You’re happy together now, aren’t you? If you learned something about Gavin that he was ashamed of and didn’t want you to know, what would that do to your relationship? In the years to come, you’ll disagree, you’ll argue, you might even stop speaking to him or sharing yourself with him in the bedroom for a time, but why dampen the happiness you have now? It’s not my business to tell Gavin’s secrets. I might try to convince him to tell you, but I wouldn’t do it.”

“I see,” Feanna said. She stood and smoothed the front of her skirt. “I guess you win, Gavin.” She bid Liera goodnight, and without offering him a kiss or another word, she left.

Gavin put his head in his hands. She’d been so difficult lately, which was both frustrating and maddening. It was as if she was incapable of seeing reason. Feanna was a good person, though, with a pure heart. He loved her for who she was, not what she did.

“Oh, dear,” Liera said, surprised guilt on her face. “Did I say the wrong thing?”

“We had an argument earlier. I told her the secret would stay secret but she thinks it’s dishonest to withhold the truth. If telling it does no good and possibly does harm, there’s no good reason to. And so I won’t. I’m at least as stubborn as she is. She won’t budge me on the matter.”

“Well, don’t worry about Feanna. Her mood will change a lot during the coming months because of her condition. She loves you, and she’ll come to accept your decision not to tell her what you’re hiding.”

He exhaled hard, glad she hadn’t guessed it wasn’t his own secret they were discussing. “I hope you’re right. I don’t want to keep feuding about it.”

“But Gavin,” she said, “if it’s what I think it is, perhaps you should reconsider. Withholding the reason for your missing tooth is one thing, and I know it amuses you to make up stories about it. Keeping secret a bastard child is something else entirely.”

Gavin’s mouth dropped open in surprise.

“Don’t be angry. Rogan told me about her a few years ago, and he told me about your arrangement.”

“Our arrangement,” Gavin said, not knowing what the hell she was talking about. “Right.”

Liera laughed and patted his leg. “Don’t feel bad. I agreed with him. Your nomadic lifestyle made it difficult to visit regularly, but now that you’ve settled down in one place...” She raised her eyebrows encouragingly. “I’m sure you’re sending money to keep the child fed and clothed, but don’t you think you should tell your wife? Should you die before your son is born and named as your heir, Savior forbid it, Keturah has an equal claim to the throne.”

“How much did Rogan tell you about our arrangement?”

“Well, he told me he took money and gifts to the child’s mother every month, and that you pay him back whenever you visit. He didn’t think it was fair for Keturah to grow up not knowing any of her family, and so he was glad to do it. I begged him to bring her to the house to meet her cousins, but he thought the boys would let it slip and get you upset. He’d promised to keep your secret, and in telling me he broke that promise. I hope you’re not angry.”

Gavin chewed the inside of his cheek. “Maybe you’re right. What’s done is done, and I hate arguing about it.”

“She might be upset at first, but she’ll understand. You weren’t married when Keturah was conceived, so she won’t think ill of you for being unfaithful. It was a mistake, that’s all.”

Gavin’s head spun. At least he wouldn’t have to worry about the girl’s existence slipping in front of Liera. “I never saw you and Rogan argue, even in all the years you were together.” He hoped she would confide some marital secret that might explain why Rogan fathered a bastard child.

Liera waved that notion away with one hand. “You didn’t see a lot of things. Our marriage wasn’t perfect, but we had love.” She gave a little snort. “Did Rogan ever tell you I left him?”

His eyebrows shot up. “No. When was this?”

“Before GJ was born. We’d been feuding a lot, mostly over how to raise our sons. I thought he was too stern, he thought I was coddling them. We couldn’t come to an agreement over discipline, and that disagreement spilled into other areas. Soon, neither of us could do anything right in the eyes of the other, and so I packed up my sons and went to my mother’s house. She lived in Saliria at the time, so I was just going down the road a piece.” She chuckled, staring at her hands cupping her wine goblet.

“I had no idea. How’d you remedy it?”

She took a deep breath. “I didn’t. Rogan did. He showed up on my mother’s doorstep and apologized for his mistakes and his flaws as a man, begged me to forgive him, and said no matter our disagreements, we belong together. He said he could never love another woman the way he loved me. I was ashamed at myself for running out on such a fine husband, and so we went back home with him. I think GJ was made that night.” Liera giggled. “And soon I came to see he was right — about the boys, about the farm, about a lot of things.”

Gavin nodded. They both fell silent for a few moments.

“Gavin,” she said quietly, “I appreciate and understand your wanting to comfort GJ when he’s missing his father, but pretending you’re him won’t help him adjust to the fact that Rogan’s dead.”

“Maybe not,” Gavin said. “He’s just a boy, and he’ll live the rest o’his life with only the memories he has, which’ll fade as he gets older. If he needs an embrace or a whispered word to get through a tough day, the ones who support him and help him will earn and keep his trust. I can’t be their papa, but they look to me they way they would’ve looked to him. I resemble Rogan enough to remind them every day o’what they lost.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” Liera snapped. “Whenever I glimpse you walking past, my heart pounds with the hope my dead husband’s miraculously returned to life. My loss is renewed the very next moment when I realize it’s you.” She burst into tears and covered her face with her hands.

He sat there helplessly, unsure what words to use to comfort her. He missed Rogan too, and accepted the responsibility for all the pain his death caused. He put his arm around her shoulders. “I’m sorry, Liera.” He could think of nothing else to say. The ache in her heart wouldn’t be cured by words. He knew that. “I’m going to Calsojourn tomorrow. At least you’ll have a respite from my face for a bit.”

Despite her red nose and tear-filled eyes, Liera laughed. “I don’t know whether to be glad or sad.” She stood, leaned down and kissed his forehead. “Go up and talk to your wife.”