Chapter FIVE
“Cole!” I gasped, sitting straight up in my bed.
“Whoa!” Alex jumped next to me in the bed. “Jessica, it’s just me. Cole’s gone, remember?”
I placed a hand over my eyes, trying to catch my breath. My heart was still racing. I forced my breathing to slow.
“You want to talk about it?” Alex asked, placing a hand on my arm.
I let my hand drop to my lap, blinking my eyes hard to try and clear the sleep from my head. “No,” I lied. I shook my head. “It was just…”
“A nightmare,” he said quietly. “It’s okay. You’ve seen enough in your life to still have them every once in a while.”
“Sorry,” I whispered, resting my chin on my shoulder, not quite looking him in the eye. For some reason I didn’t want to tell Alex what I had just dreamt about.
“Don’t apologize,” he said as he leaned forward and kissed my forehead.
I gave him a sheepish smile, slumping back against my pillow. “Still no traces of your mom?”
Alex shook his head, his lips tightening. “No, and I looked everywhere I could think yesterday. She doesn’t seem to want to be found.”
The house felt oddly silent as I extended my senses. I then remembered that Amber was gone. “So…” I dragged out the word. “We have the house to ourselves again?”
A crooked smile worked its way onto Alex’s face as he looked down at me. He shifted his body on top of mine, his lips greeting mine. I traced my hands down his back, enjoying every rise and fall of his frame, my fingers brushing against his raised scars.
One of Alex’s hands slipped behind my back, nearly lifting me off the bed as he pulled me closer to him. His lips trailed down to my throat, his other hand working its way down my stomach, and then slipping down my thigh.
“Three weeks and you’re mine,” he said in a rough voice against my skin.
“I’m yours already,” I sighed, my eyes closed.
“All mine,” he said quietly as his lips moved further down my chest.
“Hey, now,” I said as I fought everything my body was telling me. “We’ve made it this long. Let’s not blow this streak just weeks from the big day.”
Alex let out a growl, pressing his lips one more time to the skin at the edge of the neckline of my tank top. “Soon,” he growled.
“Finally,” I said in mock exasperation.
“Hey, now,” he repeated, raising an eyebrow at me as he propped himself up on his forearms. I just chuckled. “So,” he moved on. “I’ve got an idea.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“Uh huh,” he nodded, a smile starting to spread again. “Now that we have the house to ourselves, and we’re going to be inhabiting it as a married couple soon, I thought maybe it was time to act like real grown-ups and move into the master bedroom.”
I glanced around my current bedroom, memories attached to every corner of it. The basement apartment had been a solace for me. When my life was at one of its lowest points, I had felt protected within these walls.
“Moving on?” I said quietly as I lifted my head from the pillow and pressed a kiss to Alex’s lips.
“Moving on,” he repeated, giving me a soft smile.
“And if Caroline ever comes back, she could use the apartment,” I said as Alex rolled off of me and stood. I couldn’t help but smile as I took in his half naked form.
“If Caroline ever comes back, she’s going straight to rehab,” he said in an exasperated tone.
I actually felt excited as we started moving things around, clearing out the few things Amber had left behind, switching the mattresses, boxing up my things and carrying them up. I had been waiting to move on with Alex for so long, and now it was finally happening. I had the ring, and even though we had been living together since basically the first day we met, it actually felt like we were making the choice to do so.
As Alex started taking all of my clothes out of my dresser he held something up against him, a smirk crossing his lips. “What do we have here?”
“That,” I said as I snatched the black lace out of his hands, my face blushing instantly. “Is for the honeymoon.” Butterflies filled my stomach.
“And this one?” he said as he pulled another red item out of the drawer.
“Okay, I think it’s time I took over the dresser!” I said as I walked over and pushed him away from it, grabbing the red lace from his hand.
“You haven’t been shopping since I proposed,” he teased as he leaned against the doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest. “Were you preparing for something else? You dirty, dirty girl.”
“Out!” I yelled with a laugh, chucking a pair of underwear at him.
“And now she’s throwing panties at me,” he said in mock shock, dodging the blue fabric. “Where does she draw the line?”
I just shook my head as he winked at me and grabbed a box off of the floor, and headed upstairs with it.
Well that was embarrassing.
“So where do you want to go on the honeymoon?” Alex asked, already walking back into the apartment.
“I guess I hadn’t really thought about that part,” I blurted before I even thought about it.
Alex just chuckled as he stood in the doorway. “And what part were you thinking about?”
“Shut up,” I just chuckled as I finished emptying the dresser.
“I’m just saying,” he shrugged his shoulders. “Anyway, we should probably book something soon considering that we’re only a few weeks away.”
“Wow,” I said with a sigh as I leaned against the now empty dresser. “There’s so much to do. I still have to get a dress, we’ve got to get a cake. All that stuff.”
“Whatever you want,” he said as he crossed the room and pulled me into his arms. I closed my eyes as I leaned into him, his familiar scent filling my senses. “I’ll make it happen for you.”
“I just want it simple I think,” I said quietly. “Nothing fancy. Just us, Sal, Emily, Amber and Rod. Rita and Austin. Caroline if we can find her.”
“And your parents.”
“And my parents,” I said with a sigh.
“You’ll survive, I promise.”
I swallowed hard, knowing that I could survive anything physically. “Let’s just finish moving stuff. I’ll deal with that when we get there.”
It took surprisingly little time to move all of my things into the master bedroom considering that I had lived in this house for over two years now. It felt so strange to see all my things in the large bedroom, my personal things spread about the master bathroom. I felt so grown up all the sudden. Like I had a real life.
The next two days passed in a blur. Alex and I booked tickets to Costa Rica and a little house right on the beach for a full week. Alex decided he wanted to brave the wedding cake on his own. I couldn’t complain, no one would do a better job.
I told Austin the news, and to my surprise he didn’t get worked up about it. He had been happy for me. It was nice to see that he was losing interest in me.
Sal continued to get little sleep and I could only hope that she would not decline while I was gone to visit my parents. I let Emily know what to expect while she was taking care of her.
No sign of Caroline was found and I felt both angry and sorry as we packed to leave for Ucon. It was so unfair of her to leave Alex again, after everything he had done for her. She was just going to keep sinking deeper and deeper until she was gone. Until she stood before Cole.
With not a cloud in the sky, the four of us threw our bags into the back of Alex’s truck and loaded in. Considering the fact that Alex no longer required sleep, he and I had decided to make the trip overnight. With no major airports close to Ucon it was easiest to drive.
I still wasn’t looking forward to the thirteen hour drive. It only prolonged my dread.
“Have you talked to mom or dad since I told him we were coming?” I asked Amber as Alex pulled out of the driveway.
“No,” she said with a sigh. “I think he’s still pretty mad I didn’t tell him sooner about the engagement.”
“Sorry, babe,” Rod said. “Guess I should have thought about it for two seconds and asked permission first or something.”
“It’s not too late,” I said as I glanced over at Alex and raised my eyebrows at him.
He chuckled. “Okay, I got the hint. We’ll do it together, Rod. He won’t be able to shoot the both of us. I’m pretty sure I’m faster than you so you can be my shield when he pulls out the gun.”
“Thanks, man. You’re a great friend.” The cab broke out into laughter. It felt good to finally laugh.
The sun started to set behind the trees as we drove south on I-5, casting the sky in a summer orange.
“I was thinking we could go dress shopping with Mom, maybe,” Amber said quietly. “What do you think, Jess?”
“You’re serious?” I asked, turning in my seat to look at her. I saw from her face that she was.
“Moving on, remember?” Alex said so quietly only my ears could pick up on his words.
I didn’t say anything for a moment, looking at Amber’s face blankly. “We’ll see how things go.”
“I’m thinking a big ball gown,” Amber start to rattle on. I gave a few nods and uh-huh’s to let her know I was half-listening as she continued to ramble. She was talking but I wasn’t hearing her. All I could think about was the tone of my mother’s voice as she told me over and over that the nightmares weren’t real, that I needed to get over this phase.
My insides felt hollow.
As we neared one in the morning, Amber laid her head in Rod’s lap, who had crashed not long after she started talking about wedding stuff, and fell asleep herself. I sighed as the truck became quiet, scooting to sit closer to Alex, and leaned my head on his shoulder.
“How you doing?” he asked quietly, placing his hand on my knee and giving it a squeeze.
“I’m kind of freaking out, but okay, I guess,” I said.
“I’m really proud of you for doing this, you know. I know this isn’t easy for you.”
“It’s not. She said some really terrible things to me. I wanted her to believe me but she didn’t.”
“Did…” he trailed off for a moment as he formed his thoughts. “Did she ever see your scars?”
I shook my head. “I don’t think so. I was really young when it all started but I was obsessive about keeping them covered up.”
“Maybe you should have shown them to her.”
“Maybe,” I whispered.
I barely saw the glint of the headlights on its eye before it jumped in front of the truck. A doe bounded across the road, pausing right in front of us. Alex slammed on the breaks, the truck skidding to a stop as the deer jumped into the brush on the other side of the freeway and into the open country.
As I watched it prance away, I saw him, long blond hair blowing as he stared back at me with dark eyes. Watching me from the side of the road.
“Alex,” I whispered. As I blinked, he was gone.
“I saw him,” Alex said in a low voice, his eyes staring at the place the man had been standing.
“He’s…” I trailed off. Somehow Amber and Rod were both still asleep.
“One of us,” Alex said quietly as he started the truck forward again.
I fought back the shaking that started in my hands. Cole’s words flooded back to me.
They are watching you.
“Alex, I have something to tell you,” I barely whispered.
“What?”
“You remember a few days ago, when I had the nightmare about Cole?” He nodded. “Cole was talking to me. I don’t think it was just some dream. He said ‘they are watching you’.”
“Who’s ‘they’?”
“I think… I think it might be the council,” I said with a shaky voice.
“Why you? What would they want from you?”
“I don’t know,” I lied. Cole’s other words came back to me. They know something’s wrong. Four times now they should have had you before them and yet they haven’t.
They were realizing their mistake.
“Is this about Cole?” Alex asked, his voice suddenly terrified sounding.
I shook my head. “I don’t think so. They have Cole back.”
I felt Alex’s form relax slightly, a breath crossing his lips. “Maybe I can try and talk to him, see what he wants.”
“Somehow I don’t think that would be a good idea,” I breathed. “They’re already trying to take you back. Don’t get any closer to them than you have to.”
“I won’t let them take me before the wedding, I promise,” he said as he laced his fingers with mine and pressed a kiss to the back of my hand. “And I won’t let them do anything to you either.”
“I know,” I said quietly. But something in me sensed that it was me who was going to have to start protecting him.
Sometime around three in the morning I finally fell asleep, slumped against Alex’s side. By the time I woke up at seven, I found we were at a gas station and Alex said we were only just over an hour away. I also found a text from my dad, asking when we were going to be getting in.
Not long, I texted him back. Please make sure you’re home when we get there.
I already am, he replied. Relax. Things will be okay.
Then why did I have the sickening feeling in my gut that they weren’t?
Rod and Amber came back out of the store, gas station food piling out of a plastic bag. We all loaded back into the truck and got back on the highway.
“I got some Twinkies just for you, Alex,” Rod said with a proud smile as he handed a handful up to Alex. I tried to hide the smile that cracked on my face as I suppressed a chuckle.
“Thanks for looking out for me,” Alex said as he grabbed them.
“What about you, Jess?” Amber said as she peered into the contents of the bag. “We got doughnuts, soda, Twizzlers, and some Pop Tarts.”
“We’re eating healthy today!” I proclaimed, a slightly too fake sounding laugh bubbling out. “I guess I’ll take some Dr. Pepper if you’ve got any.”
Amber chuckled. “How did I guess that’s what you’d want?” she said as she handed it up. “Hey, are you feeling okay? You’re looking kinda’ pasty. Well, pastier than usual.”
“I’m fine,” I lied as I swallowed hard. I didn’t miss the way Alex’s eyes flickered to my face. He knew better. He could probably hear the way my heart was racing.
As the miles flew by, my palms started sweating and I felt slightly light headed. “Breathe,” Alex whispered. “Do you need me to pull over for a bit?”
I shook my head. It started spinning as the small towns started becoming familiar. I fought back bile as we passed the trucking yard, thought I might pass out as the familiar fields came into view. I was fighting a fully-fledged panic attack as we turned at the one convenience store in town and passed what was my grandmother’s house before she passed away.
And then there it was, the female voice from the GPS announcing that we had arrived at our destination.
The same red brick walls greeted me, my mother’s familiar flower beds bursting with color. The same lopsided apple tree stood in the corner of the yard, permanently injured by my soccer ball at the age of six. Everything about my childhood home looked exactly the same.
The front door opened as we came to a stop. Alex stepped out of the truck at the same time my dad came down the step. My hands shook so violently I couldn’t get the door open at first.
“It’s going to be okay, Jessica,” Amber said quietly from the back, placing a hand on my shoulder. I just shook my head. My ears were ringing.
Alex walked around the front of the truck and opened the door for me, saving me from my fumbling. His gray eyes met mine and I tried to draw courage from them as I looked at him. My hands shook all the more as I slid my engagement ring off and tucked it into my pocket.
“Just until we talk to them,” I said quietly. Alex just nodded and offered me his hand, and helped me down.
Then I finally saw her, my mother, standing on the small porch.
There was no moment of perfect reunion, of the two of us running into each other’s arms and hugging, tears running down our faces. Instead, there was a long awkward moment of our eyes locking on each other, neither of us saying anything.
Dad crossed the yard, a bright smile on his face. He pulled me into his arms, giving me a tight squeeze.
“I’ve missed you, kid,” he said. “She’s probably just as nervous about this as you are,” he added quietly.
“I doubt that,” I let out a quivering breath.
“Alex,” my dad said as he took a step away from me. He went to hold out his hand to shake Alex’s, then seemed to change his mind and pulled him into a hug instead. “Good to see you.”
“It’s good to see you too, Dennis,” Alex said as he met my eyes over Dad’s shoulder. He gave me a small smile, bolstering my courage.
While Amber started the awkward introductions of my dad and Rod, my eyes found my mom again. She stared in much the same way everyone else did, like they couldn’t quite comprehend the unnatural look of me. She finally gave me a small smile, took a step down off the porch, and started across the lawn.
My mom had always been a beautiful woman. Her hair was the same deep brown as mine but her curls were always perfectly tamed. Her eyes were wide and hazel like mine as well. But she had the perfectly shaped nose, perfect lips. I knew Amber would age gracefully over time for the fact that she could be my mother’s clone.
“Jessica,” she said in a soft voice as she stopped just a few paces away from me. She looked slightly bewildered as she took my face in, now that she was closer.
“Mom,” I answered. I attempted a small half smile and gathering my courage, closed the space between us and wrapped my arms around her. I must have caught her off guard, considering the awkward way she put her arms around me. I tried not to shudder as her hands came to rest on my raised wings.
“It’s good to see you.”
I swallowed hard, fighting back my racing heart. “Yeah, it’s… it’s good to see you too.”
She stepped away from me, giving a small smile, and turned to Alex who hung hesitantly back.
“You must be Alex,” she said, hesitating for a moment as she took Alex’s glorious being in, and finally holding out her hand.
“And you must be Claire,” Alex said with his signature smile. He accepted my mother’s hand.
My mind started fading out then, knowing I didn’t have to pay attention to all the introductions. I’d survived the initial reunion, despite my doubts. Maybe I could handle the rest of the weekend.
All the gas station junk food had been unneeded, Dad had cooked one of his so called “famous” breakfasts. Piles of not quite cooked enough hash browns, scrambled eggs, the fattiest bacon he could find on the shelf at the store, and orange juice from frozen concentrate. At a time when I ate more than once every three days, this was my favorite breakfast.
We each helped ourselves to a plate, Rod and Dad’s piled to the point of being overflowing. At my suggestion, we headed out to the back patio to eat. Alex could make his helpings disappear easier outdoors.
“So my youngest daughter is getting married,” my dad said around a mouthful of food. “And my oldest has been living with her boyfriend since the day she met him.”
“Our girls have gotten all grown up,” my mom said in attempt to appear more casual. I didn’t miss the sweat on her brow, and it wasn’t due to the temperature.
“Hey, I’m about ninety-percent sure Jessica’s still a virgin,” Amber piped in, raising an eyebrow.
“And I’m about one-hundred-percent sure Alex is still one too,” Rod picked up.
“Thanks for that Rod,” Alex chuckled, looking down at the table in embarrassment and shook his head.
“Wow, Amber,” I said as I set my fork down, and placed my face in my hands, elbows resting on the table.
“Too much information,” my dad said as he squirmed. “But good job, Jessica.” He patted my knee under the table.
“I can see Amber hasn’t changed much these last few months,” Mom shook her head, a half smile on her face.
“I’m still me,” Amber said, flashing a bright smile and batting her eyes. The whole table chuckled.
The rest of the meal passed in a slightly awkward state. Thank goodness for Amber and her blabbing on and on about wedding stuff. No one else got the chance to say much. With the food cleared, Dad helped us carry in our bags.
“If the lot of you can behave yourselves,” my dad said as we walked down the hall. “You’re welcome to stay in your rooms. If you can’t, there’s the couch in the living room or the floor for you boys.”
Alex and Rod both chuckled. “We promise to be on our best behavior, Mr. Bailey.”
Amber and I’s rooms were right next to each other. As Dad walked away to let us get settled in, I paused at the door. Just one more place that didn’t have good memories.
“You’re doing great,” Alex whispered from behind as he shifted our bags around. “You’ll survive this too.”
And so I pushed the door open.
I could tell they hadn’t left my room a museum to my memory. It was obvious this was meant to be a guest bedroom now. My old twin sized bed had been replaced with a queen, the walls changed from my former turquoise to a more neutral cream. But several of my pictures still hung on the wall, a reflection of the girl I didn’t think I was any longer.
We stepped inside and Alex set the bags down on the floor at the foot of the bed. I closed the door behind me, leaning against it, reminding myself to breathe again.
“Hey,” Alex said as he walked to me and wrapped his arms around my waist. “You made it.”
“Yeah,” I breathed as I leaned my head against his chest. “I did.”
“So how long are we going to wait to tell your parents we aren’t just a horny couple living together anymore?” Alex asked, using his natural ability to lift the mood.
I chuckled. “As long as it takes you to go and ask Dad’s permission.”
“I’ll be right back then,” he said in a low voice as he pressed a quick kiss to my lips.
“You’re going to do it right now?” I asked, surprised.
“Why wait?”
“I thought you and Rod were going to do it together?” I asked as I raised an eyebrow at him.
“Rod can handle himself,” Alex said before pressing one more quick kiss to my forehead and stepping outside.
It felt as if my insides were filled with butterflies. This was real. It was really happening.
After digging in my bag, I found a change of fresh clothes and made my way to the bathroom. As I passed Amber’s room I heard her giggling and what sounded like it might be Rod growling. I just shook my head and smiled as I hurried to the bathroom.
Starting the hot water, I stripped down and turned my back to the mirror.
My flesh was so raised after the whole Cole incident that I had to be careful with what I wore. Something too thin and it wasn’t difficult to see a pattern or flashes of metallic light in the sun.
It hadn’t been easy keeping the scars hidden from my mom as a child. I became obsessed with keeping them covered up. I remembered having fights with her as I refused to wear certain shirts she had just bought me. Eventually as I grew to be an early teenager I think she came to appreciate what she assumed was modesty.
I attempted to pull a brush through my mane after I dried off from the shower and pulled on a pair of denim shorts and a sea green t-shirt. Staring in the mirror, I told myself I couldn’t stay in the bathroom for the remainder of the trip. As if on cue, Amber started knocking on the door.
“Come on, Jess,” she called. “You’ve been in there forever. There’s a line forming out here.”
Collecting my dirty clothes, I opened the door and stepped out.
“You okay?” she whispered as I met her eyes.
“Yeah,” I said. She pulled me into her arms for a quick hug, gave me a small half smile and then went in the bathroom. As I put my clothes back in our room, I heard Alex and my dad laughing about something. Cautiously, I poked my head around the corner, half looking into the dining room and caught Alex’s eye. He smiled at me and nodded. I stepped in the room, realizing my mother was sitting at the dining table too.
“So, did you have a nice conversation?” I said in attempt to divert the awkwardness that was trying to claw me to death from the inside.
A crack formed on my mother’s lips. She stood and walked over to me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders.
“Congratulations, sweetie,” she said. Her voice actually felt warm. “I’m so happy for you.”
I reached into my pocket and pulled out the ring. “So I guess it’s okay if I put this back on?”
Alex and my dad chuckled. My mom released me and pulled my hand into hers as I slipped it on.
“It’s gorgeous,” she fussed as she examined it. “And look, it matches your bracelet.”
“He did pretty good,” I said as I met Alex’s eyes.
“I’ll say,” Mom said, pulling me into another quick hug. “So when’s the date?” She stepped away and went to sit by my dad at the table again.
“October third,” I said, my stomach filling with more butterflies as I said it.
“That’s like, less than three weeks away now isn’t it?” my mom said in shock, her eyes growing big and blinking rapidly.
I just nodded. “Neither of us wanted to wait long,” Alex chimed in. I walked to his side and sat in the chair beside him. He took my hand in his, rubbing soothing circles into the back of mine.
“Good for you,” my dad said, his eyes slightly narrowed as if he was thinking about something serious. My dad didn’t know what Alex was now but he did know that there was a whole lot more to the angel thing than he once thought. I wondered if he suspected what the truth was behind the gun-shot wedding.
“Where are you having the ceremony?” my mom asked. Her voice was slightly tight sounding.
“We haven’t picked an official venue yet,” Alex answered, looking down at me. We really hadn’t talked about it at all yet. There hadn’t been much time.
“It will be in Washington though,” I said quietly, meeting my parent’s eyes. I felt relieved when they both just nodded.
“I’ll have my secretary clear my schedule for a few days around then,” Dad said, winking at me. I just smiled back at him.
Just then, Amber and Rod walked into the room, Amber’s hair still dripping slightly from the shower.
“I thought we were doing this thing together, man,” Rod said in mock hurt as he narrowed his eyes.
“Time to grow up,” Alex teased. “You’re on your own with this thing.”
Rod just shook his head. “That hurts, Alex. That really hurts.”
The room erupted in laughter. It felt good to relieve some of the tension.
“So, Mr. Bailey,” Rod said as everyone quieted. “I really love this daughter of yours and I plan on being around until she gets sick of me and even after she gets sick of me. Can I have your permission to marry her?”
My dad stretched out his hand to Rod. “Welcome to the family,” he said as they clasped hands.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw a flash of movement through the glass back doors. But as soon as I looked, it was gone.
“Did you see that?” I barely breathed, only Alex’s ears keen enough to pick up on my words.
“I saw something,” he said back.
“Jessica?”
I realized then that everyone in the room was looking at me expectantly. I must have missed a question.
“Sorry,” I said, trying to snap my attention back into the room. “What did you say?”
“I suggested we throw an engagement party tomorrow for you and Amber. You two could invite all your friends out.”
I hoped my face didn’t fall at his suggestion. I didn’t have any friends here. “Sure dad, that sounds great.”