Fuzzykins arched and purred as I stroked her furry belly. “I sure hope so. We don’t need more kittens around here.”
“Not the cat, you dork,” Jill said with a weak chuckle and thwacked my arm.
I managed to hold a smile for a few seconds before it faded again. “I don’t know. I’m trying not to rule anything out or give up hope.” Or hold onto unrealistic hope, I added silently. My throat tightened. “I’m not a cop anymore, and now I’m not a summoner either. What am I supposed to do now that I’m . . .”
“Normal?” Jill finished for me, cocking her head. “I’m not sure you could ever be normal, darlin’.”
“Tell me again why I’m friends with you?”
She smiled and pulled me into a hug, ignoring the protests of the cat between us. “Because you’re Kara Gillian.”
I hugged her back, pushing down the uncertainty and doubt and grief that roiled through me. No matter what, Jill was precious to me. I didn’t know what I was anymore, but for now my mission was to do whatever I could to make sure Jill and the bean stayed safe. And, I’d find a way to help the others track down that shitstain, Katashi. “Yeah, I’m Kara Gillian,” I replied then released her. “At least that’s what I put down the last time I did my taxes,”
“Ugh. Taxes.” She shuddered. “Even I don’t want to be that normal.” She patted my leg and stood. “Get dressed and come eat. Meatloaf.”
“What about the ice cream?” I whined.
She smiled serenely. “Meatloaf first.”
“You already sound like a mom.”
“Yeah? Cool. I’ve been practicing.”
Chapter 25
Raised voices from the driveway alerted me to trouble before I was halfway through the slice of Jill’s awesome meatloaf. Dread rising, I dashed to the front porch only to see Pellini blocking the driver’s door of the Malibu as he faced off against an angry Idris. Bryce stood on the bottom step, vigilant and poised to intervene.
Pellini folded his arms. “Now isn’t the time for you to go off on your own,” he said to Idris with implacable calm.
Idris lifted his fist, face flushed. “Who the fuck are you to tell me when the right time is?”
Bryce breathed a low curse and started forward, but Pellini didn’t flinch at the threat. He seemed ready and willing to give Idris an outlet for his churning emotions by taking a punch, however I didn’t want to see either one of them get hurt.
“Idris. Idris,” I said as I moved down the steps and toward them. “You can leave if you want, but will you please talk to me first?”
Seething, he rounded on me, fist raised. I stood my ground, braced for him to tell me where I could shove my offer of conversation. Yet, after only a few tense breaths, he lowered his hand. “Sure.” He sounded more exhausted and miserable than aggressive. “Yeah, I’ll talk to you.”
Sympathy squeezed my heart. “Why don’t we go to the pond.”
Without a word, Idris strode off and around the house, which I decided to take as a “yes.” I shot a grateful smile to Pellini and Bryce then hustled after Idris, but halfway down the trail through the woods, I slowed. Chest tight, I blinked back tears. This was where I should have been able to feel the valve, like tingling waves over my skin, but I sensed nothing of the arcane. Nothing.
I continued to the pond clearing and stopped a few feet from the water’s edge. With single-minded determination, I tried to perceive anything beyond the standard five senses.
Nothing.
Horror crept through me. Like a dream within a dream, memory of the feel of the arcane faded even as I sought to remember it. Would I eventually forget it altogether?
Idris stood near where I knew the valve to be, yet nothing distinguished the location from any other grassy patch by the pond. Not even the faintest shimmer. I found a dry spot on the leaves a few feet away and sat heavily. After a minute or two, Idris dropped to sit crosslegged in front of me.
“How is it?” I asked with a nod toward the valve, relieved that my voice remained steady.
“Stable enough for the moment.” He paused, and a slight frown tugged at his mouth. “More than stable.”
“You don’t sound thrilled.” I eyed him. “What’s wrong with mega-stable?”
“Nothing.” He glowered down at the leaves between us. “Believe me, I tried to find faults.”
The reason for his annoyance clarified. “Kadir’s method,” I said. “I symmetrized the valve yesterday, and you don’t want to admit that it worked. Really well.”
Heaving a sigh, he flashed me a weak smile. “You’re right, I don’t,” he said. “But I have no choice. The valve is stable and so clear I can feel Rhyzkahl’s nexus through it.”
Feel Rhyzkahl’s nexus through the valve? How incredible that must be.