Torn(Demon Kissed Series)

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

“I thought you were going to kill her,” I said. My voice sounded funny—like I’d been running and was completely out of breath.

Collin looked over at me and arched an eyebrow, “How would that not draw attention to us?” He laughed, “Mortals pay attention to death. Smart Valefar don’t leave trails.” I looked away from him and at the wooden walls. We were sitting on the floor of an old boathouse down by the docks, not far from Tahlia’s house. Collin said he had come here frequently before he met me. This was his sanctuary. He led us into the old building that stank of salty sea air and mildew. There wasn’t much going on at this time of night. It was quiet except for the sound of the water splashing into the dock.

Holding the book squarely on my lap, I looked up at him almost afraid to ask, “Then what’d you do to her?” He looked at me like that was a silly question, but I pressed, “I saw blood on the corner of her mouth. I know it was yours, Collin. Tell me what you did.” The last sentence was more of a plea than a command. Valefar powers that involved blood scared me. They seemed to be the most heinous of their kind. I had no idea how true that thought was at the time.

Collin’s eyes cut to me as if considering whether or not he should tell me. He finally let out a sigh and leaned back against the wall, and folded his hands behind his head. “I told you that I’d take care of it, and I did. Why does it matter?” He dropped his hands to his knees and looked straight at me, making my heart flutter under his intense gaze. “Why do you have to know?” He stared at me, and I felt that it was a warning. He wanted to hide this from me as much as I wanted to know.

Frustrated, I folded my legs and set the book down beside me. “Martis don’t use their blood for anything, so this part makes no sense to me. I want to know what you did because…well, I expected you to kill her. I thought, maybe, you didn’t…because of me. But then I saw the blood and knew that you still did do something bad, it was just something else.” I paused for a moment and then looked away from him and up into the cobweb filled rafters overhead. “I just want to know what damage I caused by waking her up. I’m responsible for whatever happened to her.” My gaze cut back toward Collin. “I have to know.”

There was no sparkle in his eyes, no lightness on his lips shown by the smile he usually wore. He looked at me and nodded, as if agreeing that I should know. “Valefar blood is powerful. It’s used in making another Valefar, as well as forcing things to take an unnatural turn. We’re the living dead—a body with no soul. I’m the only one, as far as I know, that has any remnant of a soul, but even that wasn’t enough to overcome what I am. But you, your blood is diluted and mixed with Martis blood. Maybe your mixture of good and evil blood cancels itself out. Maybe it doesn’t. I don’t know.”

The look on his face became troubled, but the bond told me he was scared—very scared. I sensed his hesitation. “But,” he continued, “the point is that Valefar blood is toxic to mortals. It either changes them to Valefar or it can be used to manipulate the natural order of things.” He paused, not wanting to tell me what he did. Something brushed against the bond, and I felt him slam it back down, trying to hide it from me. I stared at him, horror growing within me, wondering what he’d done. “The blood made her sleep, and forget. I used it to erase us from her mind. But, Valefar blood is intrusive. The process will continue, routing backwards from today, until she forgets everything she knows. It will corrupt her body from the inside, destroying it in the process.”

Eyes wide, I stared at him. My mouth was dry, and I couldn’t swallow the knot that had grown to an enormous size in my throat. “So, you did kill her.” My voice was a whisper. The fate Collin bestowed upon her was worse than I thought. He killed her anyway, but slowly. Oh my God! That was so much worse!

Collin didn’t walk over and throw his arms around me and tell me it was okay. I would have punched him if he tried. Irate, I jumped up and walked outside to the dock. The salty sea air blew across my skin and sent my hair flying. Was this what my life came to? Murder? I killed that woman. If we’d snuck in when she wasn’t home, our lives wouldn’t have collided and she wouldn’t be dying—forgetting everything and everyone she loved—while I was… While I was what? Anger surged through me as I smashed my fist into the dock. The wood cracked under my hand and splintered, sending shards flying in every direction. Some of the fragments scraped my cheek as they flew by, while other pieces of wood lodged themselves in my hand.

I sat down hard on the dock and began to pick the splinters out of my fist.  Unable to use my left hand as well as my right, I couldn’t get all the bits of wood out of my skin. The wind blew softly, and long strands of my hair lifted and gently balanced on the breeze. I stared. The tips of my hair glowed purple like dying embers of a once raging fire. Pushing the loose curls back, I thought that my eyes were probably ringed in violet, too.

I felt his eyes on my back before he said anything. “There was no other way around it.”

I nodded. My voice was cold, “So it seems—at least when I’m involved.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” he stood next to me, still cautious.

I looked up at him, “Did we really have to do that to her? I mean, so what if she saw us. So what if cops were looking for us? So what if the Martis are looking for us? So what if they know we have the book?” My gaze shifted down as my voice dropped, “Everyone else is looking for us anyway. What’s the difference? The difference to us is minor, but the difference to her…We killed her, Collin. She just won’t know who did it or why.” My voice was cold, the bottom of my stomach was ice, and the resolve that was flowing through me was intensifying. Why did I do things because people told me to? When we spoke about it earlier, I dismissed the idea of accidentally waking her up. I only accepted Collin’s plan because I knew it would never happen and I didn’t want to fight. But now? Now, I regretted it horribly. I should have said something, did something. It didn’t matter that she saw us. I ended her life, just like every other person who crossed my path.

Collin could sense my thoughts. He sat down next to me, careful not to touch me, allowing me to have some private thoughts and process my feelings without him seeing everything. He swallowed hard. “There can’t be any witnesses. Too much is on the line. This is a war, Ivy. There are causalities.” I looked over at him, shocked. “Don’t look at me like that. Don’t act like you didn’t know how important it is to keep you hidden. If they find you, you die. We can’t leave any trace of our whereabouts. It’s bad enough that Eric’s tracked you down. But if more people find you? You know what’ll happen, Ivy. We can’t evade an entire army looking for you. And what happens depends totally on which side finds you first. Kreturus isn’t done with you, even if he appears to have left you alone for the moment. And the Martis will kill you and ask questions later. This isn’t over. It’s barely begun. I’m sorry I can’t shelter you from this stuff. It’s the way things are. This is war. You knew what had to happen back there. Mortals are born and die. That’s their life. I gave her the least painful way out of this that I could think of. I did it for you. I knew you’d react like this, but it had to be done.”

My head snapped towards him. My eyes were rimmed. I could feel it. The anger that felt dormant moments ago flamed into my chest, making me hot and increasingly furious. Collin recoiled slightly when I looked at him. Something came across the bond at the moment, but I was too upset to detect what it was. Later, I would have wished I had. “No. I’m not doing things like that anymore. I’m not killing people, Valefar, angels or demons, or Martis without being forced to!” I jumped to my feet, feeling the need to run to burn off the anger.


Collin jumped up next to me and grabbed my wrist. The look I gave him must have been horrible, but he didn’t let go. “You can’t go. If you run, the poison will only wear you out.”

Un-contorting my face, I felt the tension building in my shoulders. Practically crying, I looked up into his eyes and said, “I can’t live like this. I can’t be the person responsible for this. Look at me, Collin!” I shook off his hold and pressed my hands to my chest. “Look at me! I’m becoming exactly what the prophecy said I’d be!”

His arms wrapped around me tightly, as he crushed me into his chest. His hands cradled the back of my head and forced me closer to him. I struggled, half wanting to pull away, and half wanting to punch him. Somewhere inside of me, I blamed Collin for what I was. I blamed everyone. Eric. Shannon. Even Al. But the truth was I am who I am because of no one but me. It was my fault that woman would die. It was my fault that I had to steal Eric’s book. It was my fault Eric was a deranged Valefar and Shannon was—whatever she was. Tears streamed down my face silently, as I stopped struggling in his arms. The rich warm scent of Collin filled my head as I breathed. The strong pull of his arms made me feel safe, and the way life had been lately—I needed to feel safe for a little while—even if it was a total lie. Collin’s arms dropped to my waist so he could look down at me, but I kept my face buried in his chest.

“We’ll do things your way from now on. I’m so sorry that I upset you like this.” He kissed the top of my head. “You’re right. Everyone is after us anyway. We can do things your way next time, even if it seems risky to me. I won’t make you do something like this again.”

Looking up into his face, I felt my stomach clench. It was all I could do to nod, and break away from his hold. I turned my back to him, and looked out over the still water. The night sky stretched down and touched the bay’s inky blackness somewhere too dark to see. It looked as if the bay stretched right up into the heavens—some place I would never go. Closing my eyes, I wrapped my arms around my middle. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe one person shouldn’t matter…but I can’t do it.”

Collin stood behind me, brushing my hair out of my face as he stood next to me. The ends of my hair were brown now. The anger that was burning within me had extinguished itself. “It’s because you’re you. You matter more to me, than anything else in this world. You see justice through the darkness. You changed my life in a way that I never even hoped for. You are the most courageous woman I’ve ever known.” A smile pulled up the corners of his lips, “And you scare the shit out of me sometimes.” I looked up at him and laughed one short laugh.

His hand lifted to my face, and gently brushed my cheek before drifting back into my curls. He wound the spirals around his fingers while gazing at me. “You’re beautiful, Ivy Taylor…”

His eyes were locked on mine, as his lips parted slightly. Lowering his head slowly, he meant to kiss me. The thought brushed the front of his mind, so gently that I could tell it was all he wanted. When Collin’s lips touched mine, I felt his warm breath slide across my mouth. The butterflies that were tickling the top of my stomach went wild, and shot into a thousand pieces inside of me. His kiss was all consuming. It made me forget everything and feel everything at the same time. The muscles in my chest tightened as he pressed his lips harder against mine. Icy hot sparks shot through me, leaving me feeling vulnerable and blissful at the same time. It was the dichotomy of the kiss that was intoxicating. It was a kiss that could kill, and it was a kiss that showed Collin could love someone like me.