Was it her imagination? Or did he say the words as if they wrenched his heart? He could have said they weren’t betrothed because they weren’t in love, or because he could hardly wait to leave the Holy Roman Empire and marry an English girl. He could have said many different things.
He swallowed. “And because Margaretha loves her family and would miss them horribly if she left and went with me.”
So he thought he knew her feelings on the subject. Margaretha translated for Toby.
Toby yawned. Good. Perhaps he would soon fall asleep and stop asking these questions.
Instead, Toby asked, “Doesn’t Colin think you’re pretty? Doesn’t Colin want to stay here and marry you?”
She knew Colin would insist she translate, so she went ahead and did so. Once again, all the air seemed to get sucked out of her throat and she couldn’t say the words without sounding embarrassingly out of breath.
His expression softened, but his eyes were still intense. “I think Margaretha is beautiful. But if I stayed in Hagenheim and worked as a stable boy, I don’t think her father would agree to our marriage.” He reached out and softly stroked her cheek with his fingers. “But there is a part of me that very much regrets that. Very . . . very much.” He brushed a lock of hair off her forehead.
Margaretha felt a thrill of pleasure at his touch. Thank goodness Toby was there. But she suspected Colin wouldn’t have said what he did if Toby had not been safely tucked between them, forming the perfect little-boy barrier. She glanced down at Toby. His eyes were closed and he was asleep. Uh-oh.
Colin hadn’t seemed to notice. He said, “But perhaps Margaretha doesn’t feel the same way.”
She could discern no hostility in his eyes, only questions. Her heart beat so hard it hurt her chest.
Colin touched her forehead with two knuckles, running them over her temple. He pulled his hand back and tucked it underneath him. “You told me about those suitors that you rejected. If I were your suitor, would you have rejected me?”
“I . . . I rejected those suitors because . . .” The realization came over her like something that had been right in front of her, but she was only now seeing. “They didn’t love me. They didn’t like that I talk too much. They looked at me as if they didn’t think I could have anything worth saying. Or as if I was a lack-wit. They were annoyed or preoccupied or didn’t care. And I want to be loved. I want to love and be loved, and to be respected. I don’t want someone to love me simply because I am a duke’s daughter. I don’t want a disinterested husband. I want someone who loves me passionately. And you, Colin . . . I think . . .” Once again, her breath betrayed her and she had to pause, her heart pounding in her ears. “I think whenever you marry . . . you will love your wife . . . with great passion and respect. That’s what I want.”
There. She hoped she hadn’t said too much. But she was more afraid she would say too little. Now if only they could both fall asleep, and if only he would not reject her in his reply.
Chapter
28
Colin’s heart leapt into his throat at what she was saying.
He probably sounded like a lovesick boy, but he couldn’t stop himself from replying, “You deserve every bit of love and passion and respect that you desire.” What did she want him to say? And what did he want?
He had one more day with her. Would it be enough? Or would he go back to England and forever wonder what might have been?
Her eyes locked on his, and she whispered, “Gute Nacht, Colin.”
He wasn’t sure he’d sleep at all tonight, but he whispered, “Good night, Margaretha.”
The next morning, when the sun was beginning to lighten the sky, Margaretha left Toby asleep in the blanket. Colin was already up and getting a drink from the stream. Margaretha went deeper into the woods to have a few minutes of privacy.
She enjoyed early mornings. What could be better than listening to the first songs of the birds and seeing the squirrels scurrying through the leaves on the ground? It was peaceful.
Today was the last day of her walking journey with Colin, if God so willed it. Her feet were sore and tired, she had not had a decent bath since she left Hagenheim, but she would miss being with Colin. And she hoped he would miss her.
But she didn’t want to think about that.
She turned around to head back to Toby and Colin, but every direction looked the same.
She stared hard at the trees. Nothing looked particularly familiar. She searched for signs of where she had walked, broken branches or trampled leaves, but she could find no evidence of which direction she had come from. Her heart began to pound.
“I only have to wait for the sun to come up to figure out where I am,” she told herself.
They had slept next to the stream, as they always did, but she didn’t see or hear the water from here. The road was west of where they had camped, but which way was west? With the density of the trees around her, she wasn’t sure if she would be able to tell which way the sun was, even when it did come up. The leaves overhead were quite thick.