“It is mutual, then. You think I am handsome, and I think you are beautiful.” He stood up and went to her, holding out his hand. She took it and he pulled her to her feet. “I’ll carry Toby.” She stood only a few inches away, staring back at him. But as long as he believed she couldn’t care for him enough to leave her family, he should not be teasing her so flirtatiously. It was not wise, for many reasons.
She stepped back. With temptation out of reach, he bent to pick up Toby and continue their journey.
Margaretha had thought Colin might kiss her. But that was foolish. He was probably thinking of no such thing. He was honorable and good and would not kiss her, knowing they were not betrothed and were extremely unlikely ever to be so.
What was happening to her? Was she so carried away by his broad shoulders and intense blue eyes and thick, wavy black hair?
No. It was more the sweetness in his face, the gentleness in his movements as he picked Toby up off the ground, tenderly holding him in his arms until the child woke up and insisted on walking. It was the uncomplaining courage of continuing on, thinking first of her, of Toby, and of the needs of those back in Hagenheim, and not of himself. It was the knowledge that she could trust him completely, with her life . . . maybe even with her heart.
He would never hurt her, not deliberately. It was only her own stubborn heart that seemed set on dooming itself. Their playful conversation had stirred up thoughts and feelings that would have been better left buried.
Soon their journey would be over. Would he try to leave her in Marienberg and go riding off with her cousin and his men to save the world from Claybrook? Probably. But even if she did manage to convince them to allow her to ride with them back to Hagenheim, she likely would not get another chance to speak with Colin alone. And after all they had been through together, that thought weighed her down and warred with the peace she had about reaching Marienberg, and Hagenheim, in time to save her family.
When they finally lay down to sleep, it was another cold night, and again they placed Toby between them and rolled up in the blanket. But instead of falling immediately to sleep as he had before, Toby chattered on about all kinds of things. He said to Margaretha, “The goose girl who herds the geese for Master Steinbek kisses the stable boy on the mouth. Why don’t you kiss Colin? I have never seen you kiss him.”
Margaretha felt her face turn red, even though she knew Colin, who was lying on the other side of Toby, couldn’t understand Toby’s German, and Toby had asked the question innocently enough.
“He said something about me,” Colin said, eyeing her suspiciously. “Translate, please. It is very dull listening to the two of you chatter on and not understand a word.”
Margaretha cleared her throat. “Toby wants to know why you and I don’t kiss like Master Steinbek’s servant girl and stable boy.”
Toby piped up and asked, “Is it because you and Colin are good friends, like brother and sister?”
“I heard my name again,” Colin said with a playful smile.
“This conversation is a little . . . awkward.” Margaretha tried to laugh her embarrassment away, but it wasn’t working. “Toby asked if it is because we are good friends and like brother and sister.”
“Well?” Colin raised his eyebrows at her. “Is that the reason?” He lost his amused expression, and his eyes turned serious and penetrating. “Are we like brother and sister?”
Margaretha’s throat was suddenly dry and she swallowed. She spoke to Toby in German.
“What did you say to him?” Colin demanded.
“I said, yes, we are good friends, but that I would ask you why we don’t kiss.” Her breath seemed to desert her, making her voice sound raspy.
He was facing the fire, which cast deep shadows over his features. He stared hard at her, but she couldn’t seem to look away. “We don’t kiss,” he finally said, speaking slowly, “because we are not betrothed . . . and because we don’t want to do something that we would later regret.”
“Yes. Exactly.” He was perfectly right and reasonable in what he said, so why did his words make tears come to her eyes — tears of longing?
She translated what he said to Toby, who still looked wide awake.
“What is betrothed? What is regret?” he asked.
“Betrothed is when you have agreed to marry someone, and regret is feeling sorry you did something and wishing you had not done it.”
“Why aren’t you and Colin betrothed?”
Colin said, “Translate, please.”
“He asks why we aren’t betrothed.” Margaretha’s stomach had tied itself into a knot before she even finished her sentence.
Once again, Colin fixed her with that intense gaze of his. Margaretha bit her lip to make sure it didn’t tremble.
“We aren’t betrothed because — ” He stopped.
What was he about to say? If only he would finish his thought! She was afraid of what he would say, but also longed to know what he was thinking.
“Because I am an Englishman and must return to England.”