Duke Wilhelm stopped. He raised his head and stared, waiting, looking painfully patient.
“We can’t.” Rose’s chest felt hollow, her heart dead and still. Her shoulders became almost too heavy to hold up. She shook her head again. “You can’t.”
His eyes grew big. “Everyone will say I’m insane, but I don’t care, Rose. Is it insane to marry the girl I love? A girl with golden brown hair, with gifts of beauty and goodness and storytelling?”
“No.” She shook her head again. “I can’t let you do it.” Unable to bear the betrayed look in his eyes, she looked away. “You would regret it…regret me.” Pain welled up inside her as she listened to her own words. Please don’t hate me.
“No, Rose, no.” He sounded angry.
“You are the responsible one. Your brother is not half the leader you are. You know that. You would begin to realize you had made a mistake, and you would resent me.” She met his gaze. “I couldn’t bear that.”
“I could never resent you.”
Rose spoke softly. “One day you will be glad you took your rightful place and married Lady Salomea to protect your people. Duty is important to you, as it should be, and God will bless you for your sacrifices.”
“Rose, please.” He bowed his head and squeezed her hands.
O God, help me. The pain twisted inside her like a knife. Her heart was wrenched from her chest. Was Lord Hamlin hurting like this? I don’t want to hurt him. But it would hurt him more, in the grand scheme of his life, if she accepted his proposal now.
He slowly raised his head and looked into her eyes. “Do you love me, Rose?”
Rose squeezed her eyes shut against the raw hope in his gaze. “Please don’t ask me that.”
“Tell me you don’t love me and I’ll walk away.”
She bit her lip. “I can’t.”
He pulled on her hands, as though to make her open her eyes and look at him again. “Tell me the truth, then. Say you love me.”
She couldn’t lie to him, staring into his beautiful dark eyes, but it wasn’t right to tell him she loved him when he was going to marry someone else.
“Can you truthfully say you don’t love me?” He squeezed her hands so hard it hurt. “Rose! Answer me.”
She choked back a sob. “All right. I love you. I never loved Rupert. Only, always you.”
He smiled, his eyes brightening. He bowed his head again, pressing his lips against her knuckles.
Her heart leapt, coming alive again at the tender touch of his lips. “But I can’t let you give up your birthright for me.” The words ached in her throat as she said them, and tears slipped down her face. “It would be wrong.”
He lifted his head. “What’s so wrong about it?” His brows lowered. “Rose, listen to me. Trust me. Our love will make everything right.”
The pleading tone in his voice intensified the ache in her heart. “You love honor. You need respect and a sense of pride in fulfilling your duty toward your people. If you gave that up for me…I want you to fulfill your duty and be happy.”
“Can’t you let me be the judge of what I love and need—of what will make me happy?” He reached up with one hand and gently wiped the tears from her cheeks.
His tender touch broke her heart. She could let him convince her, accept what he was saying and ignore what her head was telling her. She would fall into a haven of bliss if she only let herself tell him Yes. He would hold her and kiss her and smile. She could make him happy.
She looked down and tried to ignore the way he was looking at her, the feel of his fingers on her cheek. O God, help me. Help me.
She thought of her mother, the pain her resentment and lack of love had caused her. All her life Rose had longed for someone to love her, striven to earn her mother’s approval. What had it gained her besides pain and disappointment? No, she couldn’t let her desire for Wilhelm’s love cause her—and him—so much pain.
“Your resentment would hurt me too much.” She stared down at him, kneeling in front of her. How would it feel to run her fingers through his dark hair? Would it be soft or coarse? Would he gaze at her with passion in his eyes? Would he kiss her? She would not find out.
She forced herself to continue. “If God wants us to be together, then he will make a way for us. I don’t want to go against his will, not again. I tried to force my will on God once, thinking I knew what was best for me. But it seems to be God’s will that you marry your betrothed. If we try to force something else to happen, God will not bless it. Even now God has the power to change our future, and if your marriage to Lady Salomea is not to be, then God will prevent it.”
Duke Wilhelm bowed his head. He was still and silent for a long time. What was he thinking? Her chest felt hollow and empty. How she wanted to comfort him. Why didn’t he speak?