The Girl Who Dared to Think 7: The Girl Who Dared to Fight

Which made it all the more important that I get to my friend. I didn’t want her to die without knowing how much she meant to me, and how sorry I was that I had put her in this situation. It was all my fault. I had convinced her and the others to keep looking into the legacies, and my attempt to catch them all before the others could escape to Patrus had wound up getting her killed. I didn’t care if she forgave me; I just wanted her to know that I loved her no matter what.

Each step felt like a prison sentence, but I didn’t stop walking until I got to the door.

Only then did I halt, becoming a statue as I stared at the thin portal blocking me from my friend. The door was open a crack, but I didn’t look through it. Couldn’t, really, until I pulled my face into something vaguely resembling composure, and even then, I still didn’t look.

I was afraid to. Afraid to see what my best friend had been reduced to. Not because I couldn’t bear to see her in pain, although that didn’t help. No, I was afraid that if I looked, I would suddenly chicken out—run away and hide without saying one word to her. It was already tempting. The guilt and shame were damn near overwhelming.

But I pushed it aside. It was a selfish and cowardly thought that was unwelcome in this situation. I needed to do this—to see her. If only to make sure she didn’t feel alone at the end.

Reaching out, I slid my fingers through the gap in the door and pulled it back. The gears inside moved easily under my hand with the power out. The room had several candles burning all around, making the room glow warmly. The bed was set opposite the door, flush against the wall, and Eric was perched on the edge.

He glanced over his shoulder at me, and I took a hesitant step toward my friend, then saw the forlorn look in his dark eyes. He looked down and away for a second, and then turned back to the bed. “Hey, Zo,” he said softly, his voice thick. “Liana’s here.”

“She is?” I heard my friend whisper from behind Eric, and I took another step forward, my hands coming together as if in prayer. “She’s okay?”

Eric nodded, and then leaned forward, presumably to give her a kiss on the forehead. “I’ll leave you two alone for a few minutes. But only a few minutes. You need your rest.”

“Ha.” Zoe chuckled weakly. “I think… the next… time… I rest…” She paused, struggling to cough, and I clutched my hands over my chest, trying to contain the terrified flutter at how awful she sounded.

“Shush, you,” Eric tried, forcing some mock lightness into his tone. “I’ll go get you some water.”

“Thank you,” she wheezed.

Eric lingered for a second more, and then stood up, turning toward me. The massive bulk of his body still blocked Zoe from my view, and I kept my eyes on him as he walked toward me. His own eyes were lined with red, and as I watched, a tear slipped from his lid. Even he’d accepted that she was going to die, and he loved her; he should be the one person in the world doing more than I was to save her. But if he wasn’t, then he knew it was because he couldn’t.

I reached for him, sensing he needed comfort, and he took both my hands and squeezed them lightly.

“I can’t,” he muttered thickly, another tear slipping from his eye. “I can’t hug you right now. I’m trying not to break down. For her. Y’know?”

His words made my eyes sting and burn with more tears, and I let go of his hands to wipe them away. “I know. How’s she handling it?”

The broken smile on his face almost had me crying again, and I knew she’d been handling it better than we were. “She’s still got her sense of humor. I’m just trying to laugh for her, but it’s hard. And the worst part is, she understands. I’m supposed to be here for her, and half the time, she’s still trying to help me. God, I love her so much, Liana.”

I took his hands back into mine and nodded. “I know,” I said, forcing my voice out through a throat so tight it felt almost impossible to breathe. “It’s okay. Just give us a few minutes, all right?”

He nodded, looking down. “Okay. But just a few minutes, okay? I don’t want to not be here when…”

I squeezed his hands harder and nodded. I didn’t want her to be alone, either; she had to be so afraid of what was happening to her, what would happen to her, after… after she died. “I’ll call you,” I promised solemnly, and he pulled me into a rough hug before leaving and closing the door partially behind him.

I didn’t actually see him leave, because my eyes were on Zoe the instant Eric was out of my way. My friend’s eyes were open, staring at me from a pale and tight face—one that told me she was in pain. Her head was propped up by a pillow, while the rest of her lay flat on the bed, covered by a blanket.

“Hey,” she said with a smile, her eyes tearing up some. “You okay? When that sentinel crashed through the ceiling and then punched you, I thought for certain you were dead.”

I nodded, not even sure what to say. A part of me wanted to yell at her, to tell her that if she’d thought I was dead, she shouldn’t have jumped between me and the damned sentinel. Then we wouldn’t be in this mess. But I couldn’t do that—because I would’ve done the same thing she did, if our positions had been reversed, and I knew that.

It just wasn’t fair. I had an AI fixing the damage in my head, but Zoe… Zoe’s damage was to her internal organs. She needed surgery to fix what was wrong, and we didn’t have the facilities to do anything about it here.

“More worried about you,” I finally said, taking a step toward her.

“No need,” she said in a strangely cheerful voice. “My fate’s sealed. I know what happens to me now. I continue to bleed out until my heart stops beating, and then I die. And I don’t have to do anything except lie here. Easiest job ever.”

And though I knew she was trying to lighten the mood, I couldn’t handle my best friend being so glib about her imminent demise. The tears I had been diligently battling for the past few minutes returned full force, and my chest felt so tight that I couldn’t breathe through my mouth, resulting in a really wet sniffle when I inhaled through my nose.

“Zoe, don’t talk like that,” I finally got out. “It sounds like you’re giving up!”

Zoe groaned and rolled her eyes theatrically. “Look, I’m going to tell you the same thing I told Eric: it’s my death. You both seem to have some stupid expectations about how people should act, and on your deathbeds, you can act that way. Me, I’m going out laughing with my friends, because it was the best part of my life, and the part I want to remember the most. So, you can either be the friend I laugh with, or you can go outside and miss the death day party I’m hosting for myself. Your choice.”

I sniffled again but couldn’t help but smile as well. God, I loved her so much, and admired how brave she was being in spite of everything. Only Zoe would decide to flaunt the traditional deathbed motif for something more suiting of her, and I loved her all the more for it.

And felt sorry for myself that the light she brought into my life was going to fade.

But I pushed that aside and scrubbed the tears off my cheeks and from under my eyes, pulling myself together. If this was how my friend wanted to spend her remaining time, then I was more than happy to oblige.

“I choose the death day party,” I told her as soon as I felt collected enough to say anything, and she gave me a lopsided smile.

“Excellent. For my first death day wish… Will you come cuddle with me? I’m a little cold.”

I nodded, unable to refuse her anything she wanted, and crawled into bed next to her, taking careful pains not to jostle her too much. It took me a little shifting and adjusting to attain a position that wasn’t hurting her, but within moments, I was lying on my side, pressed against her, one hand thrown over her waist.

“How’s that?”

“Awful,” she replied dryly, and I laughed.

“Not as good as Eric?”

“Nowhere near. That man is a furnace. But still, it’ll do. How are you holding up?”

I opened my mouth to reply, but then realized the truth would only worry her. But I couldn’t lie to her on her deathbed. It wasn’t right. So, I changed the subject. “Let’s talk about something else. Did I tell you Sage is actually Ezekial Pine?”