We hung up. I sat the phone on the nightstand, my thoughts churning in my head. Tomorrow morning sounded nice. I had no idea what to do about tonight. How could I get to sleep with something like this on my mind?
Before I even knew it, I was on all fours on my floor, reaching beneath the bed frame for the bottle of whiskey taped to the bottom. I was a faithful member of AA, but I was still human. And I could really use a drink right about now.
I unscrewed the cap, holding the cold glass up to my lips, when I just went still. I stared at the amber liquid, the intricate patterns of the bottle, and felt a wave of disgust rolling up through my chest. No. That was the coward’s way out. I remembered my mother’s words, the ones she’d written on those papers so many years ago, and they were strong and firm with resolve.
I walked into the bathroom and poured the whiskey down the drain. After the last drop fell, I tossed the bottle in the trash and looked at myself in the mirror.
“I will endure.”
“Lily! Would you give the Frisbee back to the dog, please? Thank you!” Lauren watched her overexcited daughter toss the plastic disc back to the begging black lab at her feet. We had been in the park for nearly half an hour, and she had managed to interact with every single animal in the vicinity. The kid was equal parts adorable and exhausting. After breakfast, the three of us caught a matinee kids’ film, went bowling, had lunch, and came here to watch the sunset.
“She’s going to be a vet someday,” I said. “She is way too good with animals, even at her age.”
“Ha, forget that. She needs to pick a cheaper career. I can’t pay for vet school.” Lauren raked a hand through her bangs. We were seated comfortably on a bench nearby, keeping an eye on the munchkin. Silence fell between us until she spoke again.
“Alright, so what’s this really about? I can tell you have something on your mind.”
I fidgeted in my seat, avoiding her intense eye contact. It was against the rules to tell anyone the truth about ghosts, angels, and demons. It would only be allowed if they accidentally witnessed something they weren’t supposed to. Lauren hadn’t. Therefore, I would have to tread lightly.
“I know you and He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named got the divorce finalized this year, but I wanted to ask you…”
“Yes?”
“…knowing what you do now about your ex, if you could do it all over again, would you?”
She paused, turning her head to stare out at the park, now illuminated by the fading gold and orange of sunset. “Damn, Jor. I was expecting you to say you were pregnant or something.”
I let out a small laugh. “No, that would mean I had a life.”
She smirked at the comment, and then sighed. “Well…truthfully…the best thing to come out of my screwed up marriage is Lily. She’s beautiful. She’s my life. Her father was just an unpleasant accessory, I suppose. Things got painful and I know I’ll never recover after being married to him, but I guess I would do it all over again if only because I love her so much.”
Lauren then shifted in her seat, her brown eyes narrowing. “Now tell me why you asked me that. What’s going on with you?”
I licked my lips, choosing my words carefully. “I have…a decision to make. A big one. A very big one. I just want a point of reference. I want to make sure I’m not going to regret it for the rest of my life.”
She opened her mouth and I held up a hand. “And I can’t tell you what it is. Not yet, anyway.”
Lauren scowled. “Fine. But I don’t see why you won’t trust your own judgment. Your first instinct is usually the right one. You may be a cranky, asocial hermit crab, but you’re a smart girl. And if this decision involves who I think it involves, you had damn well better say yes or I’ll disown you.”
I tossed her a sarcastic look and she grinned at me. Just then, Lily scampered over to me with a huge smile on her round face.
“Auntie Jordan!”
“Yes, honey?”
She handed me a dandelion, bouncing up and down. “Make a wish!”
I chuckled, accepting the flower. “This is all so sudden! I don’t know what to wish for! Can you help me?”
“Yes! I know what you should wish for!” Lily exclaimed.
“And what’s that?”
“The thing you want most! Mom says that if you are a good girl and you love really hard, you get to wish for the thing you want the most.”
That made me wince a bit. “I don’t know if I’ve been that good a girl, munchkin.”
She shook her head, making her pigtails wag back and forth. “Auntie Jordan is good. I can tell. I can always tell ‘bout good people. Make a wish!”
Finally, I smiled at the girl and blew the tiny seeds away, watching them float along the warm afternoon air. Lily cheered and kissed my cheek, racing back into the field to find more flowers.
Lauren shook her head, a fond smile on her lips. “What’d you wish for?”