Today 7:52 p.m.
“Listen up, buddy: nobody breaks up with a Lightwood. Nobody! Meliorn thought that he could tell his faerie buddies over cups of mead that he’d broken up with me, and all I’m saying is that Meliorn hasn’t seen his faerie steed in a while.
“Once a guy visited the Institute and thought he could leave a ‘Dear Jane’ letter for me as he walked out the door. Jace found the letter. Ten minutes later that guy had a broken wrist and a concussion. And then I let Jace at him.
“This is Isabelle, by the way.”
Beep
Today 8:01 p.m.
“Hello, Bane. I mean, ah, Magnus. Greetings, Magnus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn, from Maryse Lightwood of the New York Institute. Um . . . head of the New York Institute. I’m totally the head, and I am calling on Shadowhunter business. Because I am in charge of all Shadowhunter business. The matter on which I am calling is a complex one. Too complex to be discussed over the phone. I think, upon consideration, that it would be best if you visited the Institute so we could discuss this in person.
“Please do not misunderstand me. This is a professional phone call about a purely business matter. I am simply intent on important Shadowhunter business.
“You would naturally be welcome to stay for tea and social conversation with whatever members of the Institute might happen to be present at the time of your visit. After we conclude our business, of course.”
Beep
Today 10:29 p.m.
“Greetings to High Warlock Magnus Bane from the New York werewolf clan. This is Maia Roberts. Um, Luke would have called, but he’s, uh, in the bathroom.
“What? Shut up! He’s been in the bathroom for a really long time, okay? We think it might be food poisoning. He’s been in the bathroom for so long that we believe that he is no longer our leader.
“Anyway, the werewolves would like to visit with you. You know, just one of those friendly werewolf on warlock visits. And whoever else happens to show up at the meeting.
“I just want to state for the record that this is stupid and he’s never going to buy it!”
Beep
Today 1:06 a.m.
“I’m outside your door, Magnus! I’m going to break it down!”
(pause)
“I would have already broken it down if you hadn’t put up stupid warlock spells like a stupid warlock cheater! Answer the door right now or I’ll kill you! I know you’re in there. I know you broke my brother’s heart. I’m not going to stand for it.
“Answer the door right now so I can kill you!”
Beep
Today 2:33 a.m.
“Greetings, Magnus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn, from Raphael Santiago of the New York vampire clan, loyal servant of our glorious Queen Maureen, forever may she reign in dark glory, and the future Prince Consort Simon, babelicious rock god.
“We have to begin all our telephone calls in this manner now. Including our nightly call to a place called Hot Topic.
“It would be needless to state, after this introduction, that I consider myself a damned soul.
“I am contacting you because our queen wished to send a summons to ‘the shiny man who is Simon’s friend.’ That is a quote. She adds that she supports you and she is a fan of much ‘yaoi manga.’ I have no idea what that means, and I never wish to know.
“While I am on the telephone, Lily happened to overhear some not terribly interesting conversation at Taki’s between several melodramatic teenagers of your acquaintance. Imagine my surprise when I learned that the ill-advised relationship between yourself and an excessively young male Shadowhunter has been abruptly and unpleasantly concluded.
“I wanted to inform you that your esteemed colleague Ragnor Fell now owes me ten dollars due to a small bet that we made amongst ourselves on the subject of how that absurd liaison would end.
“Of course, Ragnor will never pay me my ten dollars, because he was murdered by the Nephilim, due to a conflict between Nephilim that Downworlders were for some reason embroiled in. Just like the conflict we are currently having, so I suppose you could say that Ragnor died for nothing.
“Shadowhunters. Could their new motto be something like ‘Not Worth the Bother’?”
Beep
Today 11:23 a.m.
“Hi, Magnus. This is Isabelle. I’m calling to apologize for attempting to break down your door, for the phone calls and visits that I’ve been told might have counted as harassment, and for describing you to all your neighbors as a filthy Downworlder love weasel. Though I realize some of the things I said might have seemed threatening, of course as a Shadowhunter I would never inflict physical harm on anyone not engaged in evil or at least being totally annoying.
“I feel I was being pretty reasonable the entire time, and playing it pretty cool, but I’m told that from an outside perspective it looks like I might have slightly lost my head.