“Honestly, when I first met Alec, I thought he was really horrible. Admittedly, I was a little off my game, what with finding out about magic worlds and Mom being kidnapped. That was a bad time, but Alec still was really not my favorite person.
“He was a jerk, but he wasn’t a jerk because he’s a bad guy. He was a jerk because he was unhappy, and he felt like he had to pretend to be someone he wasn’t. I guess he learned that he had to hide things all the time, when he was growing up—that he had to keep secrets or lose people. He’s a lot better when he’s with you. He’s better because he’s happier.
“I don’t really know how relationships work. Jace is the only boyfriend I’ve ever had, and I’m told our relationship has not gone along traditional lines. But I guess that’s what a relationship seems like to me: that no matter what else is going on, you’re happiest when you’re together.
“I’m not just calling because I’m worried about Alec. You seemed really happy with him, too.
“I was wondering how you are. I hope you’re doing okay.”
Beep
Today 8:26 p.m.
“Hi, Magnus. This is Alec. Alexander. I guess you don’t want to talk to me. I can understand that. But I really think if we were together . . . if I could just explain . . .
“I’m so bad with words. I’m sorry. But you always seemed to know what I meant. I don’t want to lose that. I don’t want to lose you. I want to talk to you so badly, but if I can’t, I guess I’m calling to say . . .
“I’m really sorry. I just called to say that.”
Beep
Today 9:39 p.m.
“Hi, Magnus. It’s Simon. You know me. Well, you called me Soames last time we spoke, but we’ve hung out. I’m calling to, uh . . . to—sorry if this is out of line—suggest that you maybe take Alec back.
“I think it would be good for morale. Honestly, Alec was really horrible to Clary when they first met, and if he turns all cranky again, I don’t know what Clary’s going to do. In those days, Clary had way fewer weapons and way fewer brothers.
“This time it’s different. Her boyfriend is on fire. She’s got enough problems. I guess what I’m saying is that we’d all appreciate it if you took one for the team.
“Not that I’m part of a Shadowhunter team.
“Shadowhunters don’t let vampires join the team.
“This message probably seems selfish, and also crazy. I honestly do feel bad for Alec. He’s a good guy. Much less annoying than Jace. I’ve always felt like, given the opportunity, we could be friends. Maybe bros. Maybe we could be bros who shoot arrows together.
“It may at this point be obvious that Isabelle forced me to make this phone call. I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to say.
“Here’s the thing. Alec looks really bad.
“Ow, Isabelle! I mean, he’s looking fine, he’s a very handsome guy. Much better-looking than Jace, if you ask me. But he’s obviously really down. Anyone can see it.
“I don’t really notice how guys look most of the time, but even I can see it. He has black rings under his eyes, and his sweaters seem to be coming apart with despair. His mom is worried because he’s not eating, and I heard Jace hinting about hairbrushes yesterday. Of course, for a badass warrior, Jace is kind of prissy.
“I don’t know what happened between you guys, but I know when someone is sorry. I can tell you, whatever he did, Alec is sorry.
“If you could give him a break, that would be great. Okay. I guess that’s it.
“Please don’t ever tell Jace I said he was a badass.”
Beep
Today 11:48 p.m.
“No, you listen, with your not-calling-back face! You’re making a big mistake! I was the best thing that ever happened to you!
“Uh. Okay, statistically, that’s not very likely.
“A lot of stuff has happened to you. A lot of people have happened to you.
“I think that was what made me do what I did. I just wanted to know that I wasn’t, you know, low down on a long list. I didn’t want to be a pretty mediocre footnote in the story of your life.
“Oh, God.
“Jace. Jace, wake up. Jace, how do you delete messages on someone else’s phone?”
Beep
Today 8:11 a.m.
“Mr. Bane, I am authorized to contact you on behalf of my client. It is my opinion, and I consider it will be the opinion of the judge, that your actions vis-à-vis terminating your relationship with one Alexander Gideon Lightwood, Esquire, were unlawful. I have in my office witnesses and documentation to prove that you were in fact common law married, and Mr. Lightwood could claim half of your freehold in Brooklyn.
“All right, fine, it’s Isabelle again.
“All right, my lawyer is Church. But I truly believe that we have a case. And Church has never lost a lawsuit.
“Answer the phone, Magnus!”
Beep
Today 10:31 a.m.
“Mr. Bane, I am calling to leave a message on an urgent business matter. One of our representatives called about the matter of the horned toads delivery. He described your manner of answering the telephone as ‘curt’ and ‘extremely harsh,’ and your tone as ‘wild, not to say maddened.’ Is there a problem with the toads? We are very concerned.”
Beep