I slid my arms around his waist, looking up at him. I was a few inches shorter than him, standing at 5'9”. "Hey, don't get upset so early in the morning," I soothed.
He nodded, glancing down at my lips. I leaned up to give him a kiss, but he turned his head.
"Crimson."
I frowned at his cold tone, dropping my arms to my sides and letting him step back.
"James, we can’t keep doing this."
I walked to my room, knowing he would follow me. I pulled off my tank top, taking my drenched sports bra off and throwing both articles of clothing in the laundry bin. I could hear his footsteps as I pulled open the second drawer, which was filled with my loose t-shirts. I threw on a plain shirt, not bothering with a bra.
By the time he was at the doorway, I had removed my tights, tossing them in with the rest of the dirty clothes before turning to face him. I crossed my arms over my chest to hide my nipples that I knew would peek through the thin fabric of my white shirt.
"Crimson. I didn't mean it like that," he began.
"James, you can't continue to play with my feelings like this. One minute you’re kissing and fucking me, and the next you're pushing me away! What are we? Friends with benefits? Drunken lovers?" I barked, frustrated with this back and forth problem between us. He was my best friend and I wanted more. Yet, here I was, arguing about the same thing we always did. I needed to know what I meant to him.
"We're more than that, Crimson."
"Do you want there to be an ‘us?’” I needed a direct answer.
"...Yes," he finally admitted.
I stared at him, unsure whether that answer was enough for me. Why couldn't I have a man who could confidently tell me they loved me?
"Then why are we always arguing about this, James? I've loved you for three years, yet we can't do what other couples do. We don't kiss outside these walls or go on fancy dates, aside from the bar, which is NOT fancy. Jeez, you don't even hold my hand!" I pointed out the flaws in our so-called relationship.
"Crimson, you know in detail about the situation I'm currently facing." He tried to defend his behavior.
"Yes, I'm well aware of the shit we deal with every day because of our 'status.’ You don't want us coming across as lovers just in case your family friends are lurking around blah, blah, blah. We’re on the opposite side of Nokamato. Your family doesn't even come down these parts ‘cause it's not high class enough," I complained.
"You never know," he mumbled.
I groaned, rolling my eyes. This discussion won't go anywhere. "You're going to be late," I pointed out. I walked toward him, ready to pass by and go shower when he stopped me, taking a step forward so I couldn't leave the room.
"James," I warned.
"I know you're angry, but we're not done talking this out."
"There's nothing more to talk about. You're going to be late," I stressed.
His eyes lowered to my chest, which finally clued me in on my shirt dilemma. I huffed, crossing my arms and giving him a defiant pout.
"Look, Crim... I'm sorry. I know I've put our relationship on hold. I care dearly about you, Crim baby. I just need to sort my family shit out." He used his nickname for me to try and calm me.
I sighed. "It's fine. I'll be more patient." My eyes dropped to focus on the Japanese characters of his uniform. Anything to avoid his gaze.
He stepped forward, slipping one arm around me while the other moved under my chin, tilting my head up to meet his analyzing expression. "I'm serious. I'm almost done. Once we finish the meetings with Storm Yuna, I'll have some time off. We can go on dates around Nokamato and even travel around Homatomashi. We'll do all those things couples do, outside in public. Okay?" he suggested.
"Okay," I replied, even though I knew he wouldn't be able to fulfill his promise. He'd probably forget after a few drinks.
He gave me a gentle kiss. I tried to resist him, to pull away in defiance, but I simply couldn't, my feelings for him getting the better of me as I returned his kiss.
He deepened the kiss; his hand left my chin to rest on my hips, pulling me against him. I groaned, slipping my tongue into his mouth. As we continued, his hands slid to my butt, squeezing my cheeks gently.
I knew if I didn't stop this, we'd both end up naked and having passionate sex within a matter of minutes. I reluctantly pulled back, giving us a moment to catch our breath as we stared into one another's eyes.
"You're going to be late," I reminded, giving him a small smile.
He blinked out of his lust-filled daze, looking at the clock before he cursed. "I'm totally gonna be late!" His words echoed mine and I sighed, shaking my head.
I leaned up, giving him one more kiss before pulling away. "Train hard. I'll see you tonight."
"Okay, Crim baby. I'll see you later."
"Love you."
"Lo—" he began but was cut off by his phone starting to ring. "Ugh. If that's my Dad, I'm skipping training. Bye, Crim baby," James bid farewell, rushing to the counter to grab his set of keys before running out the door.
I walked into the living room, staring at the door.
"Why do I even bother?" I whispered, a tear rolling down my cheek. I quickly wiped it away, taking a deep breath and fanning my eyes in an effort to stop my tears.
"It's fine, Crimson. You're going to shower, have some coffee, and get lots of work done today. Yup! You don't need silly James. All he's good for is steamy, hot sex. Yes. He's better than a vibrator so you just gotta deal with his issues. Hmm...he gives good head too...ugh! This is just making me horny. Fucking James!" I cursed, stomping to the washroom.
I just had to remember that for now, I would only be his drunken lover. Not his partner, and not his love.
I felt myself being picked up, the swaying motion that followed made me wonder where I was being carried to. I struggled to open my heavy eyelids, fighting off the urge to fall back asleep. I finally succeeded in opening them and a person came into focus. I noticed the familiar combat uniform and breathed in the sweet scent of cologne James always wore.
"James?" I questioned, my eyes already begun to close again.
"Hey, Crim. You have to stop sleeping on the couch. It's bad for you."
"Hmm," I replied, unsure what he'd just said. I relaxed in his hold, resting my head against his chest. His heartbeat was so calming, making me fall back to sleep in seconds.
I woke up to James' loud voice. I quickly sat up, glancing around my room in a panic, wondering if we were being attacked or robbed.
I was in my bed, in a simple black t-shirt. I didn't remember taking my shorts or tank top off after painting earlier today, which gave me the hint that James had changed me and put me to bed. I'd been painting for ten hours straight, since I couldn’t fall asleep after our argument.
I shuffled to the edge of the bed, swinging my legs over and taking a moment to rub the sleep from my eyes. I glanced over at my clock on my nightstand.
"Four in the fucking morning? Why is he shouting?" I groaned, standing up and heading out of my room and into the living room.
"You MUST be fucking pranking me right now. That's impossible. She's the strongest mage of all time! Do a fucking autopsy. My father and the Council are already making their way there," James hissed, pacing back and forth.
I leaned against the wall, crossing my arms as I waited for him to finish. My mind was still in a sleepy daze and I didn't understand what he was ranting about.
"I'll be there. Where are her lovers? Okay. Find that fucking murdering thief and ensure you get that pocket watch! If it gets into the wrong hands, we're gonna be in big trouble. Got it? Okay, bye." He hung up and took a deep breath. He glanced over to where I stood; his eyes went wide before he gave me a sympathetic look.
"Sorry, Crim. Did I wake you?" He walked over to me.
"Yeah. You okay? Family trouble?" I inquired.
He shook his head, pulling me into a hug. I blinked, confused as to why he was suddenly being affectionate.