“Well, then you can just stay and be a guest of our community. We have a lot of wonderful things to tell you about. Things that could really change your life.”
“Do you have anything in writing? Something I could take with me?”
“Gee, I’m afraid we don’t. Why don’t you stay. You seem like a really nice person.”
“Sorry, Jack, but you must be confusing me with a bimbo,” Y.T. says. “Thanks for the suitcase. I’m out of here.”
Y.T. starts digging at the pavement with one foot, building up speed as fast as she can. On her way out, she passes by a young woman with a shaved head, dressed in the dirty and haggard remains of a Chanel knockoff. As Y.T. goes by her, she smiles vacantly, sticks out her hand, and waves. “Hi,” she says. “ba ma zu na la amu pa go lu ne me a ba du.”
“Yo,” Y.T. says.
A couple of minutes later, she’s pooning her way up I-5, headed up into Valley-land. She’s a little freaked-out, her timing is off, she’s taking it easy. A tune keeps running through her head: “The Happy Wanderer.” It’s driving her crazy.
A large black blur keeps pulling alongside her. It would be a tempting target, so large and ferrous, if it were going a little faster. But she can make better time than this barge, even when she’s taking it slow.
The driver’s side window of the black car rolls down. It’s the guy. Jason. He’s sticking his whole head out the window to look back at her, driving blind. The wind at fifty miles per hour does not ruffle his firmly gelled razor cut.
He smiles. He has an imploring look about him, the same look that Roadkill gets. He points suggestively at his rear quarter-panel.
What the hell. The last time she pooned this guy, he took her exactly where she was going. Y.T. detaches from the Acura she’s been hitched to for the last half mile, swings it over to Jason’s fat Olds. And Jason takes her off the freeway and onto Victory Boulevard, headed for Van Nuys, which is exactly right.
But after a couple of miles, he swings the wheel sharply right and screeches into the parking lot of a ghost mall, which is wrong. Right now, nothing’s parked in the lot but an eighteen-wheeler, motor running, SALDUCCI BROS. MOVING & STORAGE painted on the sides.
“Come on,” Jason says, getting out of his Oldsmobile. “You don’t want to waste any time.”
“Screw you, asshole,” she says, reeling in her poon, looking back toward the boulevard for some promising westbound traffic. Whatever this guy has in mind, it is probably unprofessional.
“Young lady,” says another voice, an older and more arresting sort of voice, “it’s fine if you don’t like Jason. But your pal, Uncle Enzo, needs your help.”
A door on the back of the semi has opened up. A man in a black suit is standing there. Behind him, the interior of the semi is brightly lit up. Halogen light glares off the man’s slick hairdo. Even with this backlighting, she can tell it is the man with the glass eye.
“What do you want?” she says.
“What I want,” he says, looking her up and down, “and what I need are different things. Right now I’m working, see, which means that what I want is not important. What I need is for you to get into this truck along with your skateboard and that suitcase.”
Then he adds, “Am I getting through to you?” He asks the question almost rhetorically, like he presumes the answer is no.
“He’s for real,” Jason says, as though Y.T. must be hanging on his opinion.
“Well, there you have it,” the man with the glass eye says.
Y.T. is supposed to be on her way to a Reverend Wayne’s Pearly Gates franchise. If she screws up this delivery, that means she’s double-crossing God, who may or may not exist, and in any case who is capable of forgiveness. The Mafia definitely exists and hews to a higher standard of obedience.
She hands her stuff—the plank and the aluminum case—up to the man with the glass eye, then vaults up into the back of the semi, ignoring his proffered hand. He recoils, holds up his hand, looks at it to see if there’s something wrong with it. By the time her feet leave the ground, the truck is already moving. By the time the door is pulled shut behind her, they have already pulled onto the boulevard.
“Just gotta run a few tests on this delivery of yours,” the man with the glass eye says.
“Ever think of introducing yourself?” Y.T. says.
“Nah,” he says, “people always forget names. You can just think of me as that one guy, y’know?”
Y.T. is not really listening. She is checking out the inside of the truck.
The trailer of this rig consists of a single long skinny room. Y.T. has just come in through its only entrance. At this end of the room, a couple of Mafia guys are lounging around, the way they always do.
Most of the room is taken up by electronics. Big electronics.
“Going to just do some computer stuff, y’know,” he says, handing the briefcase over to a computer guy. Y.T. knows he’s a computer guy because he has long hair in a ponytail and he’s wearing jeans and he seems gentle.
“Hey, if anything happens to that, my ass is grass,” Y.T. says. She’s trying to sound tough and brave, but it’s a hollow act in these circumstances.
The man with the glass eye is, like, shocked. “What do you think I am, some kind of incredibly stupid dickhead?” he says. “Shit, that’s just what I need, trying to explain to Uncle Enzo how I managed to get his little bunny rabbit shot in the kneecaps.”
“It’s a noninvasive procedure,” the computer guy says in a placid, liquid voice.