“Oh, I wouldn’t mind,” she says, sounding pathetically weak to herself.
“Here’s something better, since we are comrades in arms,” he says. He loosens his tie and collar, reaches down into his shirt, pulls out an amazingly cheap steel chain with a couple of stamped silver tags dangling from it. “These are my old dog tags,” he says. “Been carrying them around for years, just for the hell of it. I would be amused if you would wear them.”
Trying to keep her knees steady, she puts the dog tags on. They dangle down onto her coverall.
“Better put them inside,” Uncle Enzo says.
She drops them down into the secret place between her breasts. They are still warm from Uncle Enzo.
“Thanks.”
“It’s just for fun,” he says, “but if you ever get into trouble, and you show those dog tags to whoever it is that’s giving you a bad time, then things will probably change very quickly.”
“Thanks, Uncle Enzo.”
“Take care of yourself. Be good to your mother. She loves you.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
As she steps out of the Nova Sicilia franchulate, a guy is waiting for her. He smiles, not without irony, and makes just a hint of a bow, sort of to get her attention. It’s pretty ridiculous, but after being with Uncle Enzo for a while, she’s definitely into it. So she doesn’t laugh in his face or anything, just looks the other way and blows him off.
“Y.T. Got a job for ya,” he says.
“I’m busy,” she says, “got other deliveries to make.”
“You lie like a mattress,” he says appreciatively. “Y’know that gargoyle in there? He’s patched in to the RadiKS computer even as we speak. So we all know for a fact you don’t got no jobs to do.”
“Well, I can’t take jobs from a customer,” Y.T. says. “We’re centrally dispatched. You have to go through the 1-800 number.”
“Jeez, what kind of a fucking dickhead do you think I am?” the guy says.
Y.T. stops walking, turns, finally looks at the guy. He’s tall, lean. Black suit, black hair. And he’s got a gnarly-looking glass eye.
“What happened to your eye?” she says.
“Ice pick, Bayonne, 1985,” he says. “Any other questions?”
“Sorry, man, I was just asking.”
“Now back to business. Because I don’t have my head totally up my asshole, like you seem to assume, I am aware that all Kouriers are centrally dispatched through the 1-800 number. Now, we don’t like 1-800 numbers and central dispatching. It’s just a thing with us. We like to go person-to-person, the old-fashioned way. Like, on my momma’s birthday, I don’t pick up the phone and dial 1-800-CALL-MOM. I go there in person and give her a kiss on the cheek, okay? Now in this case, we want you in particular.”
“How come?”
“Because we just love to deal with difficult little chicks who ask too many fucking questions. So our gargoyle has already patched himself in to the computer that RadiKS uses to dispatch Kouriers.”
The man with the glass eye turns, rotating his head way, way around like an owl, and nods in the direction of the gargoyle. A second later, Y.T.’s personal phone rings.
“Fucking pick it up,” he says.
“What?” she says into the phone.
A computer voice tells her that she is supposed to make a pickup in Griffith Park and deliver it to a Reverend Wayne’s Pearly Gates franchise in Van Nuys.
“If you want something delivered from point A to point B, why don’t you just drive it down there yourselves?” Y.T. asks. “Put it in one of those black Lincoln Town Cars and just get it done.”
“Because in this case, the something doesn’t exactly belong to us, and the people at point A and point B, well, we aren’t necessarily on the best of terms, mutually speaking.”
“You want me to steal something,” Y.T. says.
The man with the glass eye is pained, wounded. “No, no, no. Kid, listen. We’re the fucking Mafia. We want to steal something, we already know how to do that, okay? We don’t need a fifteen-year-old girl’s help to get something stolen. What we are doing here is more of a covert operation.”
“A spy thing.” Intel.
“Yeah. A spy thing,” the man says, his tone of voice suggesting that he is trying to humor someone. “And the only way to get this operation to work is if we have a Kourier who can cooperate with us a little bit.”
“So all that stuff with Uncle Enzo was fake,” Y.T. says. “You’re just trying to get all friendly with a Kourier.”
“Oh, ho, listen to this,” says the man with the glass eye, genuinely amused. “Yeah, like we have to go all the way to the top to impress a fifteen-year-old. Look, kid, there’s a million Kouriers out there we could bribe to do this. We’re going with you, again, because you have a personal relationship with our outfit.”
“Well, what do you want me to do?”
“Exactly what you would normally do at this juncture,” the man says. “Go to Griffith Park and make the pickup.”
“That’s it?”
“Yeah. Then make the delivery. But do us a favor and take I-5, okay?”
“That’s not the best way to do it—”
“Do it anyway.”
“Okay.”
“Now come on, we’ll give you an escort out of this hellhole.”